All Comments on 'One Thing to Another'

(a) You need to read the text through afterwards, preferably having left it a few days in a drawer, then pass it by a trusted friend for their own input. Helps prevent irritating spelling & grammatical glitches ("The night with changed my life").

(b) Read your dialogue outloud, to feel how it sounds in your mouth. Many of the exchanges here strike me as rather robotic, as though translated via a third language. Strong, believable dialogue always adds to your characters' credibility.

(c) Never forget you can re-edit and re-post.

Erotonaut said it all. It occurred to me that English might be the writers second language. If so, it's an amazing read, but can be even better with a third-party edit.

Appreciate your comments Erotonaut, yes English is my second language, but that shouldn't be an excuse by my side. As I side, it's my very first story and I'll keep those things in mind to have a better story next time with less inclusion of third person conversations. Appreciate your criticism :)