tagHumor & SatireOrgasms 101, 102, & 103

Orgasms 101, 102, & 103

bypeppermintpatty2006©

This is a story of Humor and Satire. It not based on actual life or personal experiences. Thank you for reading. If you like it, please place your vote (fives preferred) and add your positive comments.

Orgasms 101



It is surprising that later in life, a man may still not be sure if and when a woman orgasms. Thus, the reason for this story.

Men don't feel bad. Women aren't expected to know when or how a man orgasms. He just stops momentum and displays the obvious (excluding a cumless climax).

Orgasms are about life and not just sex.

Orgasms sure do keep a woman happy. As a woman loses her inhibitions about sex, the easier it is for a woman to orgasm.

I'm going to explain to you when you are witnessing an orgasm, when an orgasm is very, intense and apparent, and the type of orgasm and by all means let's be humorous.

You may ask be asking; how do I know anything about the subject of orgasms? Well, I'm a woman, I have a vagina and I've been using it for many years. What more do you want from a Literotica writer?

The Definition of an Orgasm



Orgasm - or-gasm n. -- 1. The highest point of sexual excitement characterized by strong feelings of pleasure and marked normally by vaginal contractions in the female. Also called climax. 2. A similar point of intensity of emotional excitement. [From Greek orgasmos, swelling, excitement, from organ, to swell up, be excited.]: climax; to come; coming; the crisis; cut loose; die; explode; the "feel; feel the earth move; 'gasm; get-off; get wet; goo; high; industrial accident; let it all hang out; le petit mort (the little death, a French term); max out; melt; multiples; the big "O"; pearl necklace; reaching it; seeing god; spend; spoogie; spunk; top of the hill(http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/slang.html).

So What Exactly is the Female Orgasm Supposed to Act Like?



In a woman, her nipples become typically erect as the clitoris becomes excited and expands. An erection of a sort occurs in the clit (called tumescence) which is due to an increased arterial blood flow (vasocongestion) to the clit; the degree of expansion is small with just a little change in length; and, the clit displays a mild change in thickness.

An increasingly rapid heart rate, blood pressure and genital blood flow also result in a subtle spreading out of the inner and outer labias of the vagina, better known as the pussy.

Vaginal lubrication results (transudation) as well as tiny sweat-like drops appear on the vaginal walls and additional vaginal lubrication from the cervix mucous glands occurs. The amount and thickness of a woman's vaginal lubrication may well depend on her stage in her menstrual cycle primarily because of the changes in the cervical mucus.

As the swelling of the labia causes her inner lips to part and spread outwards, making the opening of the vagina more obvious, the clit genitals change color from flesh tones to at least pinkish (although I've never looked). Sometimes they turn a deep red wine color (especially after childbirth).

Okay, now that the technical education lesson is finished, let's move on to real-life orgasms as the woman is now aroused and has observed physical changes.

Help Your Woman Get Rid of the Reasons



That May Stop Her from Having an Orgasm



In early 2001, Oprah Winfry stated on her daytime talk show that 'over 40 million women had lost the desire for sex.' This group of women may still be in love with their partners but are perhaps out of touch for various personal or physical reasons.

Some Suggestions to Tell Your Gal if she is Having Difficulty



Tell her to:

Roll back the years of sexually repressive beliefs, anger, resentment, guilt and negativity.

Think positive connections and thoughts about the practice of sex and reduce distracting feelings.

Fall in love with the skin you are in and learn about full relaxation, mental and physical sexuality.

Feel good, feel sexy, and feel sexually aroused (A trip to the lingerie store may be in order to boost self-esteem and confidence).

Connect to deeper thoughts and stimulate your hidden skin of sexual intimacy.

Lay Back and Enjoy the Experience!

After all, your woman is sexually vibrant, confident, orgasmic and magnetic - so prepare her mind for more frequent and intense orgasms.

Does Your Woman Orgasm?



Now, guys don't feel bad if you're in the heat of the moment and didn't notice your gal just had an orgasm.

Women don't notice either.

It's okay to ask, "Honey, did you have an orgasm?" If she is nice, she won't expect you (or want you) to always know when she is experiencing an orgasm.

Guys, compare it to looking for the hole when you're excited. Sometimes it's easy to find and sometimes it's harder to find. (After all, it feels a little spongy down there).

Also, during an orgasm, a woman can fool you or be very quiet (Some women that is)!

As a woman, it seems pretty obvious to me when an orgasm occurs in the female gender (of course, I am a woman). Unless your woman is having some kind of physical seizure, she probably just orgasmed. Simple as that. But remember, women are like crock pots. They take a while to warm up.

Of course, it's much easier to tell when a man has a climax. When a man has an orgasm, all play stops and that seems kind of obvious, too. Simple as that! But remember, men are like microwave ovens. It doesn't take a ton of excitement to make the buzzer go off and announce, "I've done."

Since wearing raincoats is somewhat more common these days, it can be difficult to see the obvious physical ejaculating changes in a man. As women, we assume you're done if stop pounding her (especially when you stop and then hand us a used condom).

Which reminds me? Why not just throw the condom on the floor so the dog can find it when the housekeeper or family visits?

At times, a woman may fake an orgasm if she is just not ready to cum or can't orgasm after a prolonged period of arousal. Maybe she just won't cum. Maybe, it will take hours for her to cum. Maybe she just wants to get the ordeal over with and fakes a cum. (After all, Swedish scientists have found that the female brown trout fakes orgasms in about half of her spawnings).

Remember, orgasms are not that simple for a woman to have. It takes a skilled man of sorts to make the woman and her body ready to be aroused in order to orgasm.

Now, I will explore and discuss a quick series of actions for men to notice if they are wondering if their woman has or has not orgasmed, or, if she is faking it.

Men. Get Out on the Lookout for an Orgasm to Occur



When a woman is indeed orgasming, it is my opinion that a man should be aware that not only she is orgasming but what kind of orgasm is taking place (from a woman's pussy that is and no where else in the room).

Here are a few incentives and techniques.

Does She Own a Vibrator; Know What It Does and How to Use It Correctly?



Oh, My Goodness!



Why Do Women Use Vibrators?



  • The stimulus of a vibrator feels good and a vibrator never gets tired.
  • Some women can only orgasm with their vibrator (for argument's sake).
  • A woman may discover other modes of having an orgasm like multiple orgasms in the clit, in the g-spot or during penetration with a little bit of practice. Experimentation is vital (A woman needs to know her body for a man to give her an intense orgasm, too).
  • Vibrators may work on those occurrences when an orgasm becomes difficult.
  • Vibrators are great for "quickies" and batteries are cheap.
  • A woman doesn't have to be nice to her vibrator in order to receive satisfaction.
  • A vibrator will not orgasm first and fall asleep.
  • A vibrator brings novelty into the bedroom.
  • A vibrator feels good to a man who may also want to watch.
  • There are many varieties of vibrators for all seasons and for different kinds of pleasure zones in the female anatomy.
  • Vibrators will never give a woman a disease, a one-night stand or get her pregnant (Which brings up the point of not sharing toys).

The Definition of Masturbation

Masturbation is healthy. There is no right, wrong or best way to masturbate. Every woman will have her unique preference and style – have patience and take time to discover what feels. Practice!

Masturbation- mas-tur-ba-tion n. -- Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse. Anna palm; auto-eroticism; backstroke; bamming your wang with the rest of the gang; bean wiggling; to rub off (to masturbate, a female term, used by females); rub one out; rubbing' a chubby; Sally fist and her five sisters; sanding it; scratch the crack; stroke it; stirring the soup; wiggling the bean (http://www.sexuality.org/l/sex/slang.html).

Orgasms – How to Tell If a Woman is Having One?



An orgasm is an event with strong feelings of pleasure centered on the pussy and a demanding pushing feeling. A series of contractions in the vaginal - anal area with each contraction also shows spastic contractions of muscles in the hands and feet causing curling of toes (carpopedal spasms).

A series of gestures are vividly displayed by the female's pussy and body and may be associated with arctic sounds and movements during a good orgasm. (There are quiet ones but we won't talk about those now).

In addition, there will be rapid sighs and breathing; jittering or shuddering; frustration trying to fight off having an orgasm; engorged blood flow in the clit; extra wet cream or a thicker substance right before an orgasm; release/submission of allowing orgasm to occur

(i.e. giving into the man pleasuring the woman); a loud noise/scream/sigh; the woman will push the man away; and lastly, the MAN will be quite aware that orgasm has occurred (especially if it is a good one). Finally, the woman flops to side or stomach (about one minute) ready now for a few more orgasms while the male species may tend to go to sleep after his.

Let me continue.

How Can a Woman Become Multi-Orgasmic?



Masturbation is the utter best way for a female to learn about her body and what she likes sexually. To practice for a multiple orgasm, when a woman masturbates, she should stimulate herself to the verge of orgasm, then pause, hold back, wait and continue at a lesser degree. Repeat the whole process, until you absolutely can't hold off any longer, and then allow yourself to climax. You'll like it a lot.

Here's more.

Multiple Orgasms with a Capital 'O' – An Example to Go By



Okay, a woman has had a clitoral orgasm as we just discussed. It was nice, it was relaxing and it was exuberant. Could there possibly be more in life?

Yes, there can. Ok, then how does a woman have a multiple orgasm?

Well, the woman first orgasms. It may be light or it may be intense depending on where the orgasm is occurring, what time of the month it is or whether she is in the mood for sex. The clit and pussy are very sensitive and don't like to touched after an orgasm.

But, men don't stop now. Keep touching her. Keep trying to give her an orgasm. Convince her that this treatment will be good for her. (Toys are allowed if you are getting carpal tunnel syndrome).

You did it! She has a second orgasm. She pushes the man away. Gentlemen, I told you. Don't stop now.

When the man won't let the woman push him away, he keeps trying to give her yet another orgasm. (This can be a little revenge on your part).

The woman is rebelling and hating the man at this point. It will be worth you so keep going. Don't stop now.

The man keeps trying and although the woman doesn't want to be touched anymore, the woman must succumb as she is tamed in order to have a multi-orgasm.

Frustrated, the begging woman wants the man to stop immediately and may plead.

Don't stop! I told you, don't stop. You're not finished yet. (It's kind of like a blowjob now, and women this is your time for a little revenge).

Finally, a huge multiple orgasms occur with spasms. One orgasm after the other in a rippling effect like in a marathon race continues.

The woman is happy and you, Big Guy, has accomplished the goal (Woman may not sure if worth the frustration but she'll thank you later). Also, woman may hate you or even urinate in the bed if you really did it right). If so, please go want to go back to prior section.

What About a Multi-Orgasm with a Partner During Intercourse?



The most advantageous position for a woman to experience multiple orgasms is the Woman-On-Top position. This allows her to initiate and direct most of the movements; how far they go and how quickly; control how deeply she's penetrated; and, she can also control the amount of stimulation to her clitoris.

Multiple orgasms are ecstasy for women. If only it were as easy as snapping your fingers ... but it isn't. It is common for women to experience what feels like a multiple orgasm, as several types of release may occur simultaneously. These can be either repeated vaginal contractions, clitoral, G-spot or vaginal sensations that range from tingling to explosive, subtle to powerful (and us girls like those).

It's more prevalent for women to have what is called a "spiraling" orgasmic response- more like one orgasm after the other versus many at once. These orgasms can start out like a hiccup, and then end with a bash!

Also, you can take a quick breather and repeat the cycle, building the intensity as you go. If women who have difficulty with orgasm were to allow themselves to experience this initial, sometimes subtle phase of orgasmic release, they might get the big "O" without trying too hard. This release cycle is the kind of multiple orgasms that's most often talked about in private surroundings. Truly insatiable!

Let's move on to the best of the rest ... or yet another way!

Orgasms during Penetration and a BIG 'Oh My and Thank the ...!'



Well, guy, you just did a good thing. You gave the gal a clitoral orgasm. Maybe you gave her a multiple orgasm. She is beginning to be primed now for the all-star orgasmic event about to happen.

Now, remember statistical information says that 80 per cent of women do not have orgasms during penetration. If you are a woman who does have an orgasm during penetration, you may like to try this. (I'm not quite sure why billboards don't advertise this kind of orgasm).

If you are a man who is with a woman who has orgasms during penetration automatically, consider yourself lucky. Life would be much easier if men and women reacted and orgasmed the same way and as quickly.

However, a man has to work hard for most women to orgasm and orgasm intensely (synonymous).

Thank goodness if you are a woman appreciating the fun.

There are many ways for the woman to orgasm during penetration. Please feel free to share your suggestions or experiences. Here's a couple of ways but surely there are many more.

This method will be worth the wait. Warning: Beware of the woman's pussy. It may become a vise grip and cut off a man's blood circulation if he's not careful.

May I suggest a few things for starters: First of all, butt play is now in order with lots of lube (experiment with the best kind of lube and use a lot of it)? Remember, you can go from puss to butt hole but never go the other way around unless the two of you want to visit the principle's bacterial office).

During this portion of arousal, a woman gets giddy and very aroused. She is basically a wet noodle, weak at the knees (if you have her standing) and will worship your cock for the rest of your life if you are successful.

As the butt hole contracts (tongue use maybe at later time), finger the woman and get her used to the experience. She will moan relentlessly and powerlessly. Her sphincter muscles will start to contract opening and widening. The nerves are extremely sensitive in this area.

This is a good time to insert butt plug, if you have one. If you don't, read up on it. Be careful of tears (don't use things like candles) or if chronic health problems exist. Astroglide has established itself as the number one sexual lubricant on the market. This water-based, water-soluble product is safe and it is slippery, second only to a woman's natural lubrication.

Take your time now and don't be in a rush. However, don't miss out either (see vise grip reference). Timing is crucial for both partners to benefit.

Ready, set, go! Now is the time for the penetration of your huge cock in her wanton pussy.

May I suggest someone or something play with her clit at this point?

When playing with the clit by the woman or the man or a cyber flicker toy, an orgasm at this point will make the next orgasm even greater. Mind blowing in fact.

As the man penetrates the woman's pussy, the woman, at this point, is going mildly crazy. She doesn't know what end is up literally or what hole you're playing with if you're doing it right.

Once she orgasms, and let's assume she's ready, the woman practically chops off a man's cock by squeezing it to death with her butt cheeks. Again, be careful and timing is crucial.

An orgasm occurs. Woman is elated beyond belief. Woman pushes man away and demands removal of any sexual instruments (i.e. butt plug).

At this point, the man may have to finish his self off (I warned you). If the man is lucky, woman may let him continue. (If this is an unmastered orgasm or a first-time experience, forget it)!

Finally, woman collapses for a very long time (probably about 5 minutes and is having an out of body experience).

Man has done a great job and has landed the woman on the moon!

Score is Finally Evened



If you have finally figured out when the woman is orgasming; have graduated to multiple orgasms and finally orgasms during penetration; you are an esteemed and great lover but please remember - She'll never be satisfied with just a normal orgasm again.

She has graduate to the 'head' of her class.

Don't forget the following suggestions to build up the 'Orgasm Grading Process:'

Evaluate your sexual history and put it in perspective; Explore your own body through touch and self-discovery; understand sexual desire and response; become comfortable with the body and the sexual woman; Share your self-discoveries with your partner; Deal effectively with sexual turn offs; Overcome the fear of orgasm; Explore ways to trigger an orgasm; and, Always be safe in the era of AIDS.

So, guys help her out.

If things aren't clearer by now, go see a hilarious play about the last frontier, the ultimate forbidden zone - The Vagina Monologues. It is a celebration of female sexuality in all its complications and mystery.

Thank you for taking the time to read my madness. Until the next craze of thoughts, have a nice day and many happy returns or Orgasms', that is!

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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous05/06/14

great

Thanks for the info..I was trying to learn more about my body and how to have multiple orgasm s

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