Our Little Secret

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"I know." As all that I could say and I silently hoped it was enough for you.

It was and you gave the final tug. Your one eyed snake sprung upward almost resembling a real snake ready to strike. I watched it as it gave yet another twitch. As close as I was now I could take in all of its details. It was just as thick as I had originally thought and it was just slightly longer than any other cocks I had seen up until that point. The head was well defined fat and smooth, almost begging to be licked, but in my current position that would have been impossible to manage.

With that hand that had been pressed against it before I reached up and grabbed it as close to the base as I could get. My fingers could almost touch if I squeezed hard enough but that wasn't what I had in mind. I applied most of the pressure with my index, middle, and thumb as I ran my hand up the shaft stopping just as I got to the head of your cock. I did not take a long pause and quickly my hand ran back down it.

"Ah, that's a good girl." You half moaned.

As my hand was making yet another trip down your shaft I could fill you thrust your hips forward, allow the soft curly hairs that surrounded the base of your cock to brush lightly against my fingers.

My eyes moved back and for h from your face to your prick. I watched you as you slowly closed your eyes, the way your eyebrows would dip inward at certain points. I loved it when you would open your eyes for just a moment, looking down at me hard at work and smirk. I don't think I had ever seen that particular smile of yours before. Then of course I would have to look down at my own work. To study the way my and glided over your cock and I noticed the exact moment it started to leak that sweet clear liquid.

"If you keep going I'll cum right now." You said as your grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.

I would have been okay with that to be honest, but it was clear that you had more planned for this night.

Again you leaned down and kissed me this time lightly biting down on my bottom lip. Your hands were just as busy as your mouth. They quickly made their way under the tank top I was wearing and cupped my breast over my bra. You playfully fondled them and I could feel my nipples grow excited under the attention. You hooked a finger underneath the edge of my bra and ran a knuckle over my erect nipple. Your kisses moved from my lips, down my neck where you would occasionally give a little nibble, and onto my collarbone. No one had ever given me that much attention before, when dealing with horny teenage boys and a restricted time limit there was mostly just some awkward touching and then the main event.

You leaned up just long enough to pull my shirt and bra up and then you dove back down. I could feel your mouth working over my soft skin working towards my nipple and when I finally felt the warmth of your tongue move over it I couldn't help but to let a light sigh escape my lips. You sucked on them lightly and then hard and as your mouth worked on one your fingers played with the other. You'd pause ever so often and would squeeze my whole breast in your hand and in those moments I find myself wondering why you couldn't seem to keep a girlfriend. Then you would return to pleasure my nipples again.

I was both disappointed and curious when you sat up again. You took a moment to wipe your face with the back of your arm and then you looked down to my shorts.

"Those are coming off." You said as you leaned away from me allowing me to pull my legs out from under you.

I would have gladly taken them off for you. By this point I wanted nothing more than to have your cock buried deep inside of me. What little pubic hair I had was completely socked in my own juices and my panties were sticking to my hot flesh. But you seemed to be in far more of a hurry than I was and before I could reach down and pull them off myself you already had both my shorts and my panties sliding down over my legs. You threw them off of the bed and onto the floor with the rest of our dirty clothes.

"Wow you're...really excited." You said sounding almost genuinely shocked as you reached out and allowed one of your fingers to run down my drenched slit.

You raised your hand in front of your face, rubbing your index and thumb together then pulling them apart. We both watched as my juices made a string between your two fingers and then I watched as you flicked your tongue out and licked your fingers clean.

With that you went down again this time between my legs. Your breath was so wonderfully warm against my mound as you kissed around my sensitive lips My whole body shivered as I felt your hot tongue move over my slit. You glided over it several times, seemingly cleaning up the mess you had caused earlier, then with your hands you opened me up and took a long hard lick at my clit. I closed my eyes then as I released a little whimper. Again you licked over my swollen clit and again and each time my body would quiver with excitement.

As your tongue dipped inside of me I could feel your hair tickling my inner thigh. It was a distraction I didn't want at the time. I opened my eyes for a moment, reaching down between my legs and gathered up your hair, holding it in a tight fist as you continued to lick and suck at my delicate flesh. It was almost involuntary the way my hips began to roll and my back arched as we went on, I was almost desperate for your touch and if I could have found my voice then or thought that you were planning on stopping I knew I would have begged you to do anything but that.

I knew I was close and unlike you I had no problem cumming then, with your face between my legs. My grip on your hair tightened and I gave you a forceful tug forward as I closed my thighs around your head and came.

It was something to be remembered and as my whole body convulsed with the force of it I couldn't help but to think that I had never felt anything like this with anyone else before. It was hard, more than hard actually, but I kept as quiet as I could as the moment came and passed. As my body went limp I allowed one of my legs to slide over the edge of the bed. Slowly my fingers uncurled and I let go of your hair.

You sat up, the moisture on your face glistening as the light from our lamp was caught in it, and rubbed my thighs

"I didn't think you were going to last that long." You said as yet again you wiped off your face this time using the bottom of your t-shirt

"Guess you do have a few secrets."

My eyes flicked up towards you, I was still breathing too hard to give you any type of response, though that didn't seem to bother you. You made no effort to hide how delighted you were. You smiled biting down on your bottom lip as you eyed my moist cunt.

I almost lost my mind when I felt you lean forward and rub your hard cock against my lips. I was still wet, almost dripping and the head glided effortlessly up and down it.

"And if you didn't have any before, you have some now."

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14 Comments
OseekerOseeker10 months ago

2 stars...

Didn't make my boat float much.

Sorry...

runespuppyrunespuppyover 3 years ago

Tease!! Really good, can't wait for more

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Oh brother, give me that cock.

I spread my legs wide so my brother would know I was up for doing the nasty with him. He entered me and started working back and forth, going deeper as my pussy stretched to take his size. When he was balls deep inside me he started picking up speed and force. I couldn't help but start moaning. "Oh god, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
our little secret

you should have let them fuck and suck each other more

namesomeusernamesomeuserover 9 years ago
Great read!

Really loved it. Sure there were some mildly distracting grammatical errors, but they didn't bother me really and they shouldn't be hard to avoid by better proofreading.

I disagree with some other points CarlusMagnus made in his critique though:

(2) I liked your use of the second person. It made the experience much more immersive. Agreed, it only works if the gender matches, but I guess this is a case of 'a little for everyone' versus 'a lot for some'.

(3) There's nothing wrong with writing about step-siblings. I don't know if you did that to make the story more acceptable but just because *real* incest stories are allowed, doesn't mean that subject is always better than "step-incest". I found this story because I particularly searched for step-sibling incest, narrated by the girl. It is ridiculous to call this a "major flaw".

(4) It's totally fine to leave something for the imagination. In fact it can be a refreshing change from always having everything described in minute detail. The "main event" here is what led to the girl's orgasm and that was certainly enough for me! I like how you handled the ending.

Thank you for writing and sharing it.

yourbabygirl7yourbabygirl7over 9 years ago
I really liked it, but...

I agree with most of the other comments on your story. However, it can definitely be hard to figure out which tense to use when etc. Take the critique in stride and keep your head up! I can't wait for the next chapter!

mrmister803mrmister803over 9 years ago
I really liked it...

It almost read like a letter to me, and that's really cool. I also loved the flow of the story. Sure there were a few grammatical errors, but I've seen published New York Times Best Sellers get printed and even reprinted with grammar errors in them. As long as the story flows and the message gets through, it's a win in my book.

I hope you keep writing chapters for this story, if there are anymore. If not, then at the very least I hope you keep writing stories that are as interesting as this one.

fafhrd09fafhrd09over 9 years ago
Rawr

Maybe I'm not as harsh an editor (although I do some of that for a living), but your story was engrossing and engaging enough that I didn't see a thing; I was too busy "seeing and hearing" the narrative in my head.

Very nice. Write moar!

CarlusMagnusCarlusMagnusover 9 years ago
Good story. But...

I like your story, but it's pretty badly flawed. It could be a much stronger story:

(1) There are too many silly mistakes and oversights in your use of language. Here are some examples---and they're all from a single paragraph:

a. "Even at half mass..." (half *mast*?),

b. "You'd start of slow..." (start *off*?),

c. "Loved the stifled moans..." (*Who* loved them?)

There are many, many more, some in that paragraph, and others elsewhere. Things like this are very distracting to readers. They slow down reading by sending the reader off on a wild goose chase, thinking you're about to say one thing and then finding that following words don't fit with what's anticipated. And they're easily fixed if you will simply take the time to *carefully* reread what you wrote. If you can't do that, you should find an editor---one who knows something about what she's doing, and not just someone who says, "Sure! I'm an editor!"

(2) Your use of the second person ("you") is not usually a good idea. Why should I, the reader, need you to tell me (in writing, yet!) what happened when I was there to experience it? (And, in this case, there's also another issue: What if I'm a woman?) There is nothing wrong with your use of first person ("I", "me"), but your story would be a good bit stronger if you described your step-brother's actions using the third person for him. Tell *us*: "*He* did so-and-so, and it made *me* feel... ."

(Ignore the "Anonymous" comment that begins "Another writer...". No one who knows anything about writing or language would say that "writing as if talking to me" is a stupid "tense." That commentator, while asserting that your writing has been "as dumb as it gets", has been even dumber.)

(3) This is the major one: Writing a story like this about *step*-siblings is a major cop-out. If you're going to write a story about incest, make it about *real* incest: Sex between full siblings. I know that some sites don't accept stories about blood relations each enjoying the other's naughty parts. But this one does, so don't water things down with half-measures.

(4) And don't end the story just as they're getting to the "main event"! That can work in a story where you've already established that your characters are Doing It (with good descriptions of what they did!), but you haven't established that here.

--CarlusMagnus

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
First person

First person is one of the more difficult and successful methods of writing. Good job. You should have it proofed before you post.

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