All Comments on 'Party of Five Ch. 01'

I like the realistic dialogue and "feel" of the story. You've got some grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors to deal with but overall it's not bad at all. Decent character development, though it would be helpful to know more about the "players" as the story progresses.

I'm interested in where the story might be headed, but I am content to just sit back and enjoy the show... for now. Just don't forget that too much exposition can lead a story astray. As an introduction to the story and its characters, you've done fine here.

I will keep a sharp eye out for the second chapter. Just remember to work on those technical errors.

A pretty good start, but where's the rest of it? You've got me interested, now finish it, please.

You've captured well the emotional tirades of a hormonally charged teenaged male, not to mention the seemingly constant barrage of his sisters teasings.

I'm looking forward to seeing if you can capture the emotions involved when events lead to more intimate encounters.

Very good dialogue, and the insights of the protagonist as well as the other characters through there statements is pretty good. As they say in France, more!

so far so good. will be interesting to see where you take the story from here. obviously it will continue on the incest line but will it also become a nonconsent/reluctance storyline or will the girls give it up willingly. however you continue it i hope to read it soon.

Plot is totally unoriginal but what the hell.Billy Shakespeare pinched all his plots from others. Good story, well set up characters, spoilt just a tad because it has not been proof read too well.

This has the potential to get really good. Please keep up the good work.

The setup is absolutely essencial if I'm to follow the authors train of thought. Yeah it usually doesn't get the "red" votes, but BFD. It tells me about the PEOPLE and their personalities and thought processes. It builds the action and sets the mood. This one accomplished all of that. I am now prepared to be tittilated...

How can I say this I just started reading and I'm all most done with the story. I made an account just to favorite this story, so yeah hope that shows how much I like this story.

Ok maybe I get a cup of coffee first ... Hm, I wonder why I post this useless comment ? .. Ah it doesn't matter.

Ok, had to pause and jump to the end for a quick comment! What kind of pussy acts like a 9 year old when his sister kisses him?! At 18? Really??

Im sure ill love the story, lots of chapters and hey, lots of sisters! How can that go wrong?? ;)

On page one there was a sentence that was a little confusing at the beginning............... " The reason Josh lived with four OTHER women was that his father had......." Was this a Freudian slip to highlight a possible gender identity crisis on the part of Josh?

Similar circumstance, same number of sisters, and even reuses two of the same names.

Re the above comment by Infinite Wotsit. What you did not obseve is that Vertigo J's was the first of the two stories published - not the second!!!

move onin

This is an unfinished story/novel. The writer indicates he will say when it's the last chapter but it does not happen. I was hoping for a grand finale, appropriate to this length novel. But it goes 20 chapters and just stops -- like a car trip that does not arrive at a destination but just quits.

Also, I felt that the title was somewhat false advertising. The mom (Laura) is never involved comparable to the other 4. She is simply a minor background actor who seldom appears and could be left out without affecting the plot. "Party of Four" would be a better description (except that there is no actual party -- except in the sense of "group").

It held me enough to make it through all 20 chapters, although I did skip and scan some parts where Josh has big concerns over small issues (ie., too much angst). But, it was somewhat disappointing that it just went, without going anywhere.

In sum, if you just want to go for the trip itself, you might enjoy this 20 chapter journey. But if you want to arrive at a definite somewhere, you'll be disappointed.

Paul in Oklahoma

This started out so good. With so much intrigue and promise. I was interested in the characters and how they would all come together and become a better family. I was wildly mistaken. Things start to go down hill by the time Dawn enters the main story.

Let's start with Josh, he is an awful protagonist. The author says more than once that she intended on having the perspective bonce from character to character as needed. But then she only does it a few times, making it feel out of place in a off putting way. If she had done it consistently, or at least once a chapter, it would have made the story much better. But being in Josh's mind throughout the story starts to become depressing to down right infuriating as time goes on.

He so easily lies to Jacquie about Dawn, he treats Dawn like a sex object then pretends like he doesn't want to do that. And then . . . oh Christ, and then we get to Alice. He treats her like a goddess, paragraph upon paragraph of him describing every crease in her skin to the length of every eyelash. It's utterly ridiculous, and it forces me to think of the insane writing for the Twilight saga. How Bella spends, some times pages fawning over how attractive Edward is. And just like that read, I found myself skipping entire paragraphs, trying to get the story to move again.

So now, I'm not cheering for the protagonist. Reading is becoming a chore instead of a pleasure. And then to top it all off, the story takes a hard right in chapter 18 that is so bad that I quit. I wanted to finish this damn story so I could give it a proper review, but not only is it unfinished from freaking 2005, it also becomes a fucking soap opera. And I despise those greatly. The amount of things that happen in rapid succession from 16 to 18 is complete nonsense. Once I realized that the story wasn't going to improve, only get filled with more and more drama, I officially tapped out.

So I say unto you reader, read this at your own caution. Remember, it isn't finished and there is a good chance that she walked away from this because she went way too deep and couldn't figure out how to write an outcome for it. That's my suspicion anyway. If you do decide to read it (maybe you like drama, who knows), then I wish you luck.