All Comments on 'Party of Five Ch. 02'

To become lost in the fictional dream, to be totally immersed in the life of the characters and being lead down the path, one scene after another until, at journey?s end, I have experienced the world that is not my own. It?s every fiction writers hope ? few are capable to pulling it off without busting the bubble of that dreamworld in which they are creating ? but you have done it! You have done it to near perfection! And that is no small matter. I have read both chapters and I am hooked, hooked in a big way. I BELIEVE the world Josh. I BELIEVE these are real people with real feelings, and individual in character. My God, as a writer that is tremendously difficult and at no time was I EVER yanked from the fictional dream which you have spun. They seem, for the most part, three dimensional suburban middle-America.

Oh I?m sure this must be the quintessential late adolescent?s ultimate fantasy -- three sexy sisters and a single sexy mom, but the story manages, thus far anyway, to navigate through the admittedly tight genera constraints and passed obvious typical clich?s

of incest and still deliver a fresh and believable look at a young man.

Oh my goodness am I hooked! I find Josh a little cute, and adorable, but also annoying and typical -- but typical in an every-boy (Tobey Maguire) sort of way , still retaining an individual identity that makes him unique. I find his sisters, though admittedly a little difficult to keep straight at first ? as VertigoJ throws a lot at us all at once ? believable too. Any one of them could be ?me? or someone I know very well who have a little brother that they kind of keep under their wing. By God, the exposition seems to work and doesn?t slow the story down ? that is one heck of a juggler?s trick for any writer with so many characters all at once, but he?s managed to pull it off and each sister is unique. All the dynamics of a family are there from camaraderie to friction. None of it is taken to extreme ? this is not a family in deep disfunctionalism but a family facing the everyday problems of everyday families, with believable flash points between people that have to live together.

Though we haven?t gotten to the sex yet, if incest were to happen ? VertigoJ has given me a story about middle America that I believe. I have bought into chapter 1 and 2 completely ? the stage is set. If VertigoJ can keep this up through the sex ? keeping it REAL and GENUINE, I will be blown away!

VertigoJ, you are a WRITER ? the highest praise I could ever give you.

How Josh interacts with each sister is dealt wonderfully.

The dialogue is handled to perfection! The actions and descriptions and seamless. I actually care about these characters ? and believe it of not ? I find that incredibly hot -- well done.

Loved it! I vote 5 out of 5 based on the promises to come

To become lost in the fictional dream, to be totally immersed in the life of the characters and being lead down the path, one scene after another until, at journey?s end, I have experienced the world that is not my own. It?s every fiction writers hope ? few are capable to pulling it off without busting the bubble of that dreamworld in which they are creating ? but you have done it! You have done it to near perfection! And that is no small matter. I have read both chapters and I am hooked, hooked in a big way. I BELIEVE the world Josh. I BELIEVE these are real people with real feelings, and individual in character. My God, as a writer that is tremendously difficult and at no time was I EVER yanked from the fictional dream which you have spun. They seem, for the most part, three dimensional suburban middle-America.

Oh I?m sure this must be the quintessential late adolescent?s ultimate fantasy -- three sexy sisters and a single sexy mom, but the story manages, thus far anyway, to navigate through the admittedly tight genera constraints and passed obvious typical clich?s

of incest and still deliver a fresh and believable look at a young man.

Oh my goodness am I hooked! I find Josh a little cute, and adorable, but also annoying and typical -- but typical in an every-boy (Tobey Maguire) sort of way , still retaining an individual identity that makes him unique. I find his sisters, though admittedly a little difficult to keep straight at first ? as VertigoJ throws a lot at us all at once ? believable too. Any one of them could be ?me? or someone I know very well who have a little brother that they kind of keep under their wing. By God, the exposition seems to work and doesn?t slow the story down ? that is one heck of a juggler?s trick for any writer with so many characters all at once, but he?s managed to pull it off and each sister is unique. All the dynamics of a family are there from camaraderie to friction. None of it is taken to extreme ? this is not a family in deep disfunctionalism but a family facing the everyday problems of everyday families, with believable flash points between people that have to live together.

Though we haven?t gotten to the sex yet, if incest were to happen ? VertigoJ has given me a story about middle America that I believe. I have bought into chapter 1 and 2 completely ? the stage is set. If VertigoJ can keep this up through the sex ? keeping it REAL and GENUINE, I will be blown away!

VertigoJ, you are a WRITER ? the highest praise I could ever give you.

How Josh interacts with each sister is dealt wonderfully.

The dialogue is handled to perfection! The actions and descriptions and seamless. I actually care about these characters ? and believe it of not ? I find that incredibly hot -- well done.

Loved it! I vote 5 out of 5 based on the promises to come

Good build up so far. It allows one to get to know the characters and suspend disbelief to get to know the players as real people.

Editing however, is necessary as using the wrong spelling or having an extra word in the wrong place causes the reading pace to slow down and can lead to minor distractions.

Overall, good concept. Keep up the work, you can't get better if you quit now.

Save some words for some other writers. I'm gonna go watch a glacier move, or maybe catch some paint drying.

One thinks you suck, another thinks you are the next Hemmingway. One ripped you anonymously, whereas the other was brave enough to sign his name. Who to believe? I say screw anyone who will not apply a signature to their cherished opinion. You're doing just fine.

Very good so far. I like the natural interactions and flow of the story thus far.

Very enjoyable read.

The most important thing you missed while writing this story is RESPECT and LOVE between siblings.

It is understandable that you wanted to plot it that way but first and foremost they are siblings and lack of respect had faded your representation of the characters and had not motivated it to take real form.

It's like reading about some perverted siblings which are tolerating each other on deep edge.

I am not ranting, I just couldn't understand the way you wanted to present it.

I wanted it to read more but till now you haven'r surprised me and apparently it's the case with other reader's as well.

Just give it a thought and please read JUST SIX OF US series.

You will understand my point of view.

-- JoKeR_JcK

If you have ever had brothers and or sisters you will know that this is pretty much accurate.

Also you mentioned just the 6 of us...well remember how Danni and Mike were at the beginning? Seems like Dawn and Josh match that pretty well...

Yesh, rant much?

Talenwolf, you little piece of shit. There is a difference between bickering and showing total lack of respect, bordering on hate. I have 2 sisters. We fight but it never goes to this extent. Tbe lead should just enlist or something to get away from all the negative energy. Let the sluts rot. Go make a life for yourself.

To last poster: the hostile sister/brother couple; typical plot piece in harem incest stories. Five bucks says she is fucking him like a train wreck you cant keep your eyes off of by chapter four or five ;). ...but yeah, I agree, I'd have packed my shit and moved out and just send mom money to help out when I could afford it. ...some people thrive on that kind of shit, I've never understood it. My aunt and uncle were like that, if I had taken a stranger to visit them it would be guaranteed inside of an hour they would be fighting and my friend would have thought they were going to kill each other. Those of us in the know just watched the show and tried not to smile. Ten minutes later they're like happy kittens together again! Insane!

Im just the opposite, always made it clear to anyone I wound up dating (married now, 19 years) that I didn't like fighting and wouldn't have it so if thats your thing or in your personality its best just to move on now. If you cant be civil with each other then there isn't any point even associating with each other.

Same thing with sex. Made it very clear to my wife when we started dating that sex wasn't a tool, you don't use it (or not use it, heh) for punishment or reward, threats or promises. Its not an apple to be dangled or withheld. I told her if it ever happened I'd be out the door without even arguing about it. Its worked great for us and we dont fight. Ever. Closest we have ever come is getting heated a couple times on money issues (stupid), house mortgage, new cars (o.m.g.!! She was upside down with TWO cars burried in her current car loan!!! Took a while to drag THAT out of her. 'Honey, wtf is your loan payment so fucking high?!'). Long time since we've even had a bad money discussion.

I think the main reason our finances (once some re-education was sorted out) are a non issue is how we handle money. We have ALWAYS each had our own checking accounts (never understood the insanity of sharing a checking account and the pain of balancing and bs needed to keep check writing and spending sorted), then we have a joint 'house' account for the main bills, mortgage, cars, insurance, ele, water etc, then joint savings etc. it has worked out fabulously!

(Gee, I'm so off topic! Just have insomnia and enjoying typing one fingered on the iPad!;)

...now if I could only get her sex drive anywhere near as high as mine life would be perfect. ;)

An alright story so far but what's wrong with this guy, he's an 18 year old guy and he's acting like a pussy. Wy don't he just stand up to his bitch of a sister

The story's good but he doesnt get any better through it, just keeps acting like a ten year old throughout the entire story. Ive read it a few times, but it gets harder each time because he was written as such a total douche that its hard to read. It could seriously use a re-write to improve it. I mean, really, what eighteen year old would even bat an eye at his sister kissing him? None. ...and what guy would really chastise himself for perving on one of his own sisters? Uh, none! Lol. ....and picking fights with your sister at that age? Nope.

Anonymous 03/23/15: Or a 14 year old.

I have a hypothesis that most writers who post to Literotica have in mind teenagers, and then artificially boost their ages so as to slide in under the site's "no sex under age 18" rule.

It makes for some seriously absurd stories.

with InfiniteFoldingSpace with respect to a lot of the stories on here - thanks for articulating that so very well...not to say that they are not well crafted and readable however...

I couldn't get over the fact that he just accepted Dawn's teasing and kept his promise to Jacquie not to tease her. I would have immediately retorted that if she was bent on teasing me, I would tell everyone, especially her boyfriend, how much of a whore she really is. Then I probably would have done it anyway, but I'm an asshole who doesn't put up with shit, lol.

That was Horrible of Jackie. He should have threatened to call Dawns BF if she told. Plus, since she did tell and with Dawns teasing him, he should have re-niged and teased her back about sleeping with her BFs friend. He puts up with too much.