Party of Five Ch. 02

Once at the sink, Jacquie threw him a dishtowel. "I'll do the washing, you do the drying."

"All right," Josh replied, leaning against the bench as Jacquie began filling the sink with water and detergent. She let the tap run for a while, turning to Josh as it did.

"You're not letting Dawn's teasing get to you are you? Because there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at eighteen."

Josh gave her a scathing look. "Thanks, I needed that reassurance."

"Just trying to help," Jacquie said, turning off the faucets and rolling up her sleeves. She picked up one of the plates and set to work on it with a sponge.

"So, you, er..." Josh began, feeling extremely foolish, "you don't think there's anything unusual about it?"

Jacquie turned towards him with a sympathetic smile. She thought it was cute the way he was so concerned about it. She didn't think she'd ever heard him muster up the courage to ask something like that. He certainly wouldn't have asked any of the others, which touched Jacquie deeply.

"Of course not," she assured him. "I had my first time when I was nineteen, and I know other people my age who are still virgins. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're just looking for the right girl, and that's sweet."

Josh was staring down at the plate he was absent-mindedly drying. He thought of what Jacquie had said, about finding the right girl, and then about Valerie. He wondered, not for the first time, whether shewas the right girl for him, or whether he had simply built her up in his mind to be something she wasn't. Thoughts like that had haunted him for years, and still he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. They lapsed into an easy silence for several minutes, punctuated sporadically by Alice's voice answering more Wheel questions from the living room, and once, bizarrely, Dawn's voice, although the answer had been Calvin Klein.

Eventually, Jacquie broke the silence. "So, regarding the girlfriend thing," she said, judging from her brother's expression whether or not it was safe to continue – apparently it was – "is it just because you haven't found the right girl or because you're not ready for it? Or something else?"

"I really don't know," Josh answered truthfully.

"Well,is there a girl?" Jacquie felt somewhat awkward asking these questions, as though they were her duty as a surrogate parent. She knew, however, that her curiosity was the driving force behind her inquiries.

"Yes," Josh said, "there's a girl."

Jacquie broke into a giddy smile. "Ooh, what's her name? What's she like?"

Josh glanced apprehensively at his sister, and wondered, again, not for the first time, why girls became partially deranged when the subject of crushes was brought up. Perhaps female hormones told their owners to become filled with glee whenever they heard about someone liking someone else, instead of telling them to masturbate six times a day after catching even the tiniest glimpse of a bra strap.The mysteries of women, Josh thought.

"Valerie," Josh said. "Her name's Valerie."

"Ooh, sexy name." Josh looked at his sister incredulously. "Well, it is," she said. "Go on. What's she like?"

"Well," Josh said, "she's...she's nice."

"Nice?" Jacquie inquired sceptically. "That's all you have to say?"

"No. She's beautiful, too.Reallybeautiful. And she has a great smile, and perfect teeth. Her skin is flawless. She looks great in anything; her hair is long and silky; and she likes movies, too, so we've got something in common."

"She likes movies?" Jacquie inquired, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah. Well...I mean, I saw her at the movies once, so I suppose she likes them."

"You're a very keen observer," said Jacquie.

Josh caught the sarcasm. "Shut up," he said half-heartedly.

"It sounds like you really like this girl," said Jacquie. "So what's the problem? Has she got a boyfriend?"

"No," Josh replied. "She did, but she doesn't at the moment."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Josh thought about the question for a moment, and decided he didn't feel like answering it truthfully. "I don't know," he said.

"Well, don't wait too long or you might lose her."

Josh nodded slowly, mostly to himself. They finished the washing in silence, Jacquie casting furtive glances at her brother. When all the dishes were washed, dried and put away, Josh dropped the dishtowel on the bench and exhaled a breath of relief. He turned to Jacquie with the intention of remarking on how long the washing up had taken, when his gaze was arrested and his windpipe congested by the sight before him. Jacquie, of course, noticed his stunned expression

"What? What's wrong?" she asked. She followed her brothers eyes, down his body, across the floor and down to her own body. She gasped and quickly threw her arms over her chest. She had splashed water all over her top, turning the material transparent and giving anyone who cared to look a fantastic view of her nipples.

Josh looked down at the ground quickly. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to look...I was just..."

"It's okay," Jacquie said. "Don't worry about it. I'm just going to go get changed." Josh nodded as Jacquie edged slowly past him and jogged up the stairs.

He found he needed to sit down, and did so. He forced his eyes back to their normal size and shut his jaw, then promptly started scalding himself. Why had he looked at them for so long? Why hadn't he turned away and pretended he hadn't seen them at all? Why was he being such a bloody pillock about seeing a girl's breasts?For God's sake, he told himself,they're just breasts. No big deal – nothing special. You've seen them before, loads of times. Get a hold of yourself.

He found it hard, however, to get a hold of himself. He found it even harder (that is, excruciatingly hard) not to run up stairs to his room as fast as he could and jack himself off.Perverted bastard, he thought.

He stayed where he was for a long while, waiting for his hard-on to soften at least enough so that it wasn't conspicuous. Dawn came into the kitchen, paying Josh no attention, until the fact that he was just sitting there doing nothing began to bother her.

"What are you doing?" she asked curiously.

"Huh?" Josh asked, looking up. "I'm uh...I'm sitting. And thinking. I'm sitting and thinking."Idiot, he thought.

"Right...sitting and thinking," Dawn said in a voice she might use when talking to an escaped lunatic. Then, her voice took on its more familiar sharpened edge. "Sitting and thinking about your sexual frustration?" she asked, sitting down herself, on the chair opposite Josh.

You're spot on for once, Josh thought wryly. "No," he said, regaining his composure, "I was actually sitting and thinking about how many guys you must have slept with. The number was just too large to comprehend though, hence the dazed look on my face."

"Oh, come on, Josh, don't be jealous," Dawn said with mock compassion. "If you're lucky, a guy might agree to sleep with you one day and break your embarrassing virginity streak."

"I'm sure that one day, you'll have devoured all the men on the planet," Josh replied.

"Ooh, a succubus, that's a new one. I don't think you've called me that before."

"I am astonished," Josh said, "astonished...that you know what a succubus is."

"Hey," Dawn said, "Alice is the blonde, not me."

"Alice is a hundred times more intelligent than you could ever hope to be," Josh retorted, feeling it was his duty to defend Alice's honour.

Dawn replied: "Is that why you have such a crush on her, then? Because she's clever?"

Josh thought that if his jaw dropped any more today, it would surely fall off. "A crush?" he echoed, almost laughing aloud. "You're delusional."

Dawn stood, gracefully, elegantly...lithely. "Am I?" she said, winking at Josh before exiting the room.

"What the hell is she on about?" Josh asked the kitchen aloud. He shook his head, giving up on the task of ever understanding the convoluted inner workings of Dawn's brain. He sat in silence once more, until again, one of his sisters entered the room. It was Jacquie this time, now wearing a much drier black top, rather than the white one she had been wearing previously, which had led to the awkwardness. She approached the kitchen table confidently, if a little hesitantly, and laid her hand over Josh's, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "It's normal."

"What?" Josh mumbled. He had so much on his mind now it was difficult to extract a single strand of thought. He wasn't exactly dedicating a lot of his brain to thinking aboutwhy he'd looked, which Jacquie seemed to think he was; he was thinking more about why it was getting him so God damned flustered. And then there was Dawn's cryptic remark to contend with. "Oh," he said finally, "yeah, I'm fine. Not worrying at all."

"Good," Jacquie said, squeezing Josh's hand harder and, much to Josh's dismay, refusing to let it go. His sister cocked her head to the side, trying to see his eyes. "I saw Dawn coming upstairs. Did she say something to you?"

"No, not really."

"Not really?" Jacquie said sceptically. "So you argued, then?"

"A bit," Josh replied. Then he stood up. "I think I'm gonna take a shower."

"Okay," Jacquie said, "but don't take too long 'cause we have to give you your presents."

"Presents?" Josh asked before he twigged. "Oh, yeah...presents."

"Honestly..." Jacquie said, shaking her head and watching her brother's retreating back as he climbed the stairs.