All Comments on 'Patience's Virtue'

....I didn't want it to end. Simply fabulous!

Just a note for future reference. In the first paragraph, you introduce the brother and sister and make a point of saying they were twins, but not identical, rather, fraternal twins. The thing is, twins who are of different sexes MUST be fraternal. If, as identical twins, they came from the same egg, by definition, they must be the same sex. Same-sex twins can be either fraternal or identical. Different-sex twins must be fraternal.

The story is good, but not great. I am not trying to be overly critical; as written, it is better than most of the stories on Literotica. However, you have the capacity to make it an even better story.

There are a few places where careful proofreading (or an editing review) would have caught some typos/errors. E.g., at the beginning of Chap. 3, you wrote "When Bonnnie had moved, and Langdon's letters had stopped coming . . .." I think you meant "When Patience had moved . . .."

Some of the dialogue is a little stilted: "Don't worry, I want to put my cock in your pussy, too." Nobody actually talks like that; they would say "Don't worry, I wanna put my cock in your pussy" or something similar, but it certainly would be more casual. There is a difference between spoken English and written English, but when writing dialogue, you are trying to capture spoken English in writing.

Telling the story is part of writing, but HOW you tell the story separates the good writer from the mediocre writer. Try using an editor, or spend more time editing and proofreading after the story is written.

Having said all of this, I enjoyed the story. Keep writing!

As previously mentioned, a second look by an editor would have done some good. The one thing that kept distracting me was the over use of the characters names, if only two people are talking and one says "put your cock in me." I don't need to know it was Patience saying that, it is implied.

Still, you have more talent than most that post here, so I do look forward to more stories from you in the future.

Beautiful story, and well written

Loved the Story. Hope this is'nt the End of the Story as they have alot of Life to deal with. and Nasty Surprises. Melody and Lauren could move in with them in a House more Privacy and Better Company.

this was so long you should have broken it up into shorter chapters or had the brains to put it in the novels area use your head from now on anything over 4 pages should be broken up or put in the novels area

A amazing story. I loved it. You made the people so real that you had to fill for them. Agine awsome job

Ignore the comment complaining about the length; the best stories on this site have more depth to them, and you have succeeded in that. Besides a pass or 2 by an editor (which you should focus on for your subsequent stories) I thought it was great. Very nicely done.

YAWNNNNNNNNNNN god done to fucking death.

SmallTitFan hit the nail on the head, but don't be discouraged Oldguy45, by looking at your profile history it's been quite a while since you submitted a story. I look forward to reading your adventure about Patience and her brother.

Ignore the negative comments. This was a great story. Yes you could have given it a proof read before submitting. I usually print it off and read it out loud you soon pick out the loose ends. I loved the development of the characters they were very lifelike although the conversations between them was sometimes a bit difficult to accept, but getting your characters to speak is difficult at first, try to remember that the conversation needs to be realistic and not man made. The sex was beautifully written and very realistic and erotic. Over all well done what a read.

first you killed it by seperating them if the parents had so much money as to leave trust for them the trusts could have been used to keep them together then you drove another nail in the coffin by haveing them lose their virginities to others and not eachother and another nail was them losing contact and you took way to long to get them back together all in all a bad story that should have been in the novels area not here

Some of these asses wouldn't know a good story from a pile of dog shit. I loved it and found it to be almost in the same league as Jessy19's stories. Keep doing what you do well and screw these asses.

I don't care what every one else has said I think it was OUTSTANDING. Keep up the writing.

Excellent story. Full of love and devotion. Keep up the great work.

This is one of the better written and better edited stories that I have seen on this site of the 150 to 200 stories(maybe more) that I can say that I have read in its entirety. Good flow, good spellings, nice plot, etc. I love the end as well, leaving an opening for a sequel.. Kudos!

I gave it a 1,It would have been better in the 1st person POV

it would have been way better in 1st person P.O.V.

Secondly after the brother called all the numbers he could have gone on the county's website first to see if the aunt still lived in the county, then he could have went to the old house.

god... all you idiots cant look past the fact that it doesnt make it seems like your story.... thats the point! this author wields an unparalelled skill with words, ha woven an absolutely masterful tale, and all you louts can think of is that you cant imagine it as your own personal experience. the point of this is to tell SOMEONE ELSE's story. not yours, not your brother's or sister's. this iis certainly the most fantastically written piece of erotic fiction i have read. dear author, ignore the comments of these weak-minded louts who only want someone to write the tale they're too stupid to come up with themselves. kudos to you for spinning a story so masterful, so heartfelt, that it makes thse of lesser mind attempt to make it theirs and those of greater mind to recognis its beauty from the first chapter.

Some may like this, some may not. I belong to the former. Great story to warrant a 5 star rating. Like some others pointed out, some editing would make this story even better. And from my own personal opinion, I didn't quite like how the twins lost their virginities to others and took so long in finding each other, but you're the author (and I acknowledge that the previous sexual experiences would help them to be better lovers). I also thought the ending was slightly abrupt and didn't really feel like an ending, like there was something else coming afterwards. Length-wise I think this is fine, and I've read longer works. I generally think longer works have more depth and are more satisfying to read (that's not saying I don't like short ones, I just prefer them longer). All in all, great work and I do look forward to more offerings from you.

An unnecessarily long story full of the usual i/Tab crap you read in the majority of the category's stories.

Hoped it was different

I really enjoyed this story.

Ignore the haters,they wouldn't know shit if they stepped in it.

Please continue this,there is so much you could add to it.

Awesome writing.

This was an awesome story. Some of the dialogue was kind of overdone and cheesy, but it was still an enjoyable read.

I have to Cut/copy/paste and turn it in a first person POV and remove the sister part of her hooking up. Just to be able to read it

I felt that the past relationships of both brother and sister were unnecessary and are only in so you could write more sex scenes. The addition of melody took away from the relationship between brother and sister and seemed like patience is a lesbian and only wanted to be with brother and no other men except for the old professor the took her virginity( which detracted from her character to me) sorry but I gave you 3 stars and that is because I was feeling generous. Good effort but fell short of what it could have been.

Good story. It demonstrates the love of brother and sister thru loss of both parents to the sorrow of being separated and losing each other and the joy of reunion the anguish of making decisions that is looked down on and frowned upon in today's modern society. Plus the trust of friends to keep those secrets and those which they also hold.

If t was the same state, why didn't he just bike there, drive there (to friend's home church) when he got his driver's license, or when he couldn't reach her on the phone call old friends to have them pass on his number, go to

They had just found each other. And his sister just had to seduce that slut Melody. Why is it that the writers on this site think all men are sissys. If I was Langdon I would have told my sister to fuck off. Then tell her how much she hurt me. Then I'd leave. Telling her that she doesn't love me or she wouldn't have done what she did. It takes all types I guess. The story was well written but the ending ruined it!!!!!!!

It would have taken the brother very little to find his sister patience as soon as college started maybe even before then just looking at a phone book or some search.. bad writing… for some reason he just waits to find her. Why so you make them have sex with random people? Makes no sense and it’s fucking Gross.. It was disgusting how you made the patience lose her virginity to a creepy old professor after what..? Spending 18 years a virgin now you ruin her character? Writers on this site that just write needless sex scenes and can’t help themselves…. You know it’s bad writing when characters randomly do shit out of character or change sexuality out of no where… bad story.