Photo Albums

Damn, how did it come to this? This man, I don't know anymore. Well that's not quite right, this man who I know too much about. Everything I know. No mystery, no secrets. He's shared everything with me and now? Well know I can relate to his first wife on why she dumped his ass.

At the time, many years ago, I thought she was crazy. Insane for dumping this virile man. He had everything. Looks. A good job. A gentle touch. She was an idiot. But hey, I profited from her discards. I snatched him up and made him feel loved again. Love him I did. He loved me and soon we married and his first wife was but a memory.

The years passed. Our cycles and rhythms merged. I knew him. He knew me. We got comfortable. The conversations dwindled down to nothing. Now here I am: staring at this man across the table from me. We have no more words to say to each other. We haven't in months. I've grown bored of him. Some other man could intrigued me. This other man would have secrets. He could be a mystery. I would like to solve him.

Has it come to this? Has my husband been a complex jigsaw puzzle? To be solved and then discarded as I search out another challenge? Am I as bad as his first wife? Is it me? Or is it him? How dare he use up these years of mine! Some of my best years, devoted to this shell of a man. Mystery solved. Puzzle completed. Secrets told. I have consumed him and found the meal...lacking. Why again did I think he was a catch? Why did I think his ex was an idiot for dumping him? Look! There he goes, taking another slice of toast! The pig! Say something! SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

He grunts. That's all he does now. Did he do that before? His jokes, they're always the same, and old! Sheesh! They were old groaners before I was even born. Did I really find them funny before? Just look at the way he drinks his juice. Such a slob! Now he's putting his dishes in the sink and then he washes them, just like every damn day. Oh god! Now he's coming over to kiss me. Ugh! He just has to slobber on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you love me. How pathetic. Why are you so needy? His ass has gotten bigger. I'm sure he'll ask me to buy him bigger pants after payday. That's it, leave! Go to work! Bring home the money so we can pay the bills! Now I can have the house to myself.

God I'm bored. What's to do? Marcy is travelling with Fred. The house is clean; leave it to him to be such a clean freak! Even that annoys me. Sigh. Only three more months before we can go on vacation again. I swear three times a year is so lame. This time it was his choice and he wanted to go to Thailand. I hate Thai food. This is going to suck. He can be so cheesy playing the tourist, asking all those questions. Why can't we just stay at the resort, shop and sunbathe? No he always has to go out and experience new things. It's always the same. Then he gets all randy and wants to make love. I mean come on. We've been together for seven years! It's just sex now. He makes such a big production out of it, getting room service to make up the rooms, flower petals sticking to my ass afterwards. What ever happened to just getting it over with so that I don't have to deal with him for long. We go on these trips and it's like we're together all the time until I can't stand it!

I might as well check email. Maybe something interesting will have happened to one of my friends. Damn I'm bored. Did he say he wouldn't be home until late tonight? Some damn class he wanted us to take? No that's tomorrow. Well I'm tired of that crap. What's this? He didn't log off his email account? Anything interesting? What's this? I never thought his ex-wife kept his last name. She's sent him a lot of emails. Hmmmm, opening.

Blah, blah, blah, Jason, I miss you, blah, blah, blah, never knew I had it so good. Hmmm, what a loser. Maybe she was the one with the problem! The two of them would be good for each other, both boring and losers. Let's open another one. Hmmm. Well at least he has the good taste to tell her that she had her chance, though if I were him, I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss her, you never know when a back up plan may be in order.

Ha! Look at her! Crawling and begging back to him. Oh poor her, all the other men treated her like shit! Nice big hard cocks weren't enough for you sweetie? Those manly muscles didn't do it for you? Oh I see, maybe too much of a challenge for you. Oh this is just sad. She dumps him for a better life and falls into a worse life!

Blah, blah, blah, if only she knew what she had before she tossed it away... Yep, I guess you did screw up that, didn't you. Look she's even going into details! How pathetic! She's actually asking him for advice! Oh I see your plan bitch! A veiled attempt at getting him to feel sorry for you by supposedly asking him for advice, then tell him how bad things are.

Wait, what's that? Jackson Palley? I know him! He's that man candy we met at the gallery opening last year. Oh he was so hot! His long blonde hair. Such a brooding artist. His hands were so large and strong. Oh yeah, I remember thinking about him for a month afterwards when Jason made love to me. Such firm hands, such dark eyes! Yummy! So what's all this that he was shallow and lousy in bed? Jackson Palley has a small cock? He's selfish? But he's so hot! How can that looser ex of his bed Jackson? She tired of him after only three weeks. Well I guess maybe all those looks could hide a dud. Jackson a dud, hmmm, oh well. Look she goes on to tell Jason on how one hit her. I would think the bitch brought that on herself! Oh, I'm bad! I guess it's never right to hit a girl. Jason would never do that. He wouldn't dare, if he knew what was good for him. The poor pathetic sod can't go a day without pawing me and kissing me and telling me how much he loves me. If he did hit me he would be so cut off and that would hurt him far much more than he could ever hurt me! Oh well, let's check my email and see what's happening!

Damn that didn't take long. Why is it that Jason gets so much more email than me? Yeah so he knows more people, but they don't know him like me, I mean he is so plain and boring! I just wish I could talk to my friends about Jason. Every time I start to complain they get that wistful look in their eyes. I know that look. I had that a long time ago when Jason's ex complained to me about him. They just all think I'm a fool and they must be scheming to take him if I ever dump his ass. If only they knew what I knew, they wouldn't feel the same way. Hell, maybe I was the fool when I thought those things back just before Jason's ex dumped him. He sure had me fooled.

Hmmm. Why didn't Jason mention that his ex was emailing him? That would have been some interesting conversation at dinner we could have laughed about. Instead he just talks about his boring day and his classes he's taking. I wonder why he never even mentioned it. He normally tells me everything...

I never noticed the photo albums missing. Jason likes things orderly, so why are his old ones out from the book shelf? Oh there they are, on his desk. Hmmm. Those are from his first marriage. I guess he's was looking back through them since his ex emailed him. I'll put them back in the bookshelf. Wow. Our photo albums are dusty! It's like they haven't been looked at for years! Oh look! There's when we went to Cairo! I just have to see the picture of Jason and I on that camel! That thing was stinky! I swear I reeked of camel sweat for two days afterwards. It didn't turn off Jason one bit though! He even made love to me in the bath while we soaked the stink away. That was nice.

All these memories, and all those trips. He sure likes to travel. I guess after the long flights in the cramped seats the places are decent. He's much bigger than I so he was even more cramped on those flights, yet he never complained. Why hasn't he mentioned his ex-wife emailing him to me?

Oh crap! It's almost dinner time! I better throw something together. How did it get so late? What's with all the photo albums being taken down? Did I really go through all of them? I better put these away and get dinner on.

Something's different about him. Oh sure, he just sits there and eats my dinner. It was thrown together yet he still likes it. Is it his posture? Did he get a hair cut? Oh my day was fine dear. Yeah and what's up with your ex-wife emailing you? Oh you don't know about me knowing? Yeah I'm sure you would play the innocent about it. Yeah what I know about you buster, you have no idea. But unlike you I keep my mouth shut. You just sit there and eat your dinner, pretend I don't know. That bitch is trying to sink her fake-ass nail claws back into you. She has a nerve. What are you hiding from me Jason? Something is different about him.

What's that shock on his face when I suggested we look at old photos together tonight? Is he scared? He looks anxious. I'll bet he is! Yeah you can sit next to me, but not so close, buster! You hide stuff from me, and I'll hide stuff from you! Too close! I don't want to feel your body next to mine! Oh...alright, I guess it's okay. You are my husband after all. I suppose I'll put up with it.

Oh my god, my face hurts! How is it that Jason can remember all those funny stories from our trips? The way he tells it, we had adventure after adventure! Oh, my muscles are sore from laughing so much! This was fun. Maybe if he's forward tonight, I'll let him make love to me. I think I'm actually looking forward to it. Oh my, I guess I am blushing! Of course Jason has to notice it and call me out on it. Why does he always figure me out? It's maddening how he has like a sixth sense about me. He always seems to know what type of mood I'm in. So maddening! How can I stay mad at him for very long when he can figure me out so well? I must be like an open book to him. Pause. I wonder if I bore him sometimes?

The bed smells fresh. Oh there he goes lighting the candles again. Turn the lights down, Jason, then put on some music...yep, same routine as always, he's looking for some love. Hmmm. My heart is beating faster. Am I...yes, oh my! I'm excited! What is it about Jason tonight? Something is different...

Enough of the kissing! Let's do this! Wait! Where is he going? Is he leaving? Oh my! No! Where are you going? Oh crap I said that out loud! I'm like a little school girl, all anxious and stuff. Where did this come from?

He doesn't look half bad with his shirt off. Mmmm. His dick is nice and hard and a decent size as well! Yeah eat your heart out bitch! Your ex-hubby is mine! You dumped his ass! All those photo albums could have had you in them, but you had to have a brain fart and dump his ass! Looser!

Oh that was soooo good! Jason so likes to take care of me! I guess maybe I am lucky to have him. From what my friends say and from what his ex wrote, seems like Jason is one of the best out there. Maybe I'm the problem? Could I be the idiot like his ex? Is he bored with me? Is that why he hasn't told me about his ex emailing him? Hmmm. What is he hiding? Maybe he's planning on getting back with her? What's he been doing at those classes he takes? Surely he isn't with her there? He did after all ask me to go with him.

Why didn't I want to go again? I mean, what's so pressing here at the house that I have to stay here, while he spends the evening out without me? Am I stupid or something? Maybe he doesn't want me to be with him. That might cramp his style, having the wife on his arm as he picks up the single chicks at those classes. Oh sure, they could stop him after class, ask him to help "study" for their finals. Maybe he has a whole study group of sluts he's fucking on the side! Oh god! Maybe he's tired of me! Maybe I bore him! I sure don't seem to appreciate all the things he does for me and with me.

Thailand was my idea! Oh crap I forgot that I asked him to take me there for the next trip. It had one of the top ten beaches in the world. That sounded like fun! Why did I think it was his idea? Why did I blame him?

What? Oh sorry! I guess I was holding him too tightly. Too tightly...like I'm afraid to let him go. Is he planning on dumping me? Should I ask him? No. That would seem weak to him. I can't do that. He's not going to dump me. He couldn't! I mean look at me!

Look at me...

What have I done for him? What have I shown him? There was that one time...no he did that for me. But then there was...no again he took care of that. What have I done? What work have I put into this relationship? Come on! I can think of one thing, can't I? Kids! Kids! I said I would give him kids! I...when did we last have that conversation? I...I guess he's given up asking me. I guess I have been a bit of a selfish bitch. Oh god! What if he's planning to dump me? I'll bet his ex would give him kids. Give him kids in a second! Yeah, just what I need, him, linked to her for the next eighteen years! Fuck that! Kids.

Kids.

I said I wanted them. Do I? Do I want a little Jason or Jasonette running around? Jason would be such a good father to them. He takes care of me like I'm an angel. His little daughter would be so lucky to have him. I wish my daddy was like Jason. Would I be a good mother? I'm afraid. I would screw up like Mom did. But Jason wouldn't let me. He would help me, I know it. He loves me, right?

My time at home wouldn't be boring anymore. I feel so useless here, while Jason works. I have to contribute somehow. I could be a good mother, I know I can. Jason would help me. He's so patient with me. He is so good. He... is such a good husband. Oh god, what was I thinking? He's not the problem, I am. How could I be so stupid? He's had one ex-wife, that's enough! I can't put him through another divorce! I can't do that to him! I love him! What an idiot I was! Oh shit! What a mistake I almost made. I hope it isn't too late. I hope he hasn't seen through me. He knows me too well. Does he know? Could he know that I almost fell out of love with him? That would hurt him so much. My poor darling Jason. I don't want to hurt you. Oh great now I'm crying! No it's okay. Oh now I've upset him. Jason don't be hurt! I have to say something to him. He has to know I'm okay.

"Jason honey."

"Darling! What is it? Why are you crying? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

"Jason, let's have a baby. I want to have your baby!"

"Darling? Are you sure? This is so sudden? I thought you wanted to wait?"

"Wait? We've waited seven years. I've been so selfish. I love you. Love me! Give me your baby. Give me your babies! I want to carry them and give them to you!"

Yes! The tears in our eyes are happy tears! Yes I know you love me, Jason! I know you are mine, and you know what? I am yours again. A momentary lapse of reason, please forgive me. I'm not as strong as you. Keep me. I know you love me, but maybe I need to be afraid of loosing you in order to remind me of what I have, and how good I have it.

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