All Comments on 'Pills Ch. 02'

Slightly above average story, but your word choices, grammar, and spelling were so distracting that it completely overwhelmed what you were trying to say. I had to paste it into a word processor and re-edit it just to try to make some sense out of it. Spellcheck, editor, and proofreader needed desperately.

Are you using an auto-fill program to speed up your typing? The spelling errors were so far off that I could not believe that they could have been simple typos! I'm with the earlier commenter.....You need to seriously proofread your work and Edit EDIT EDIT!!!

It was an ok story, a bit predictable

Overall it's a good storyline and if it was cleaned up it would be even better.

It breaks the flow of the story when the reader has to stop and figure out what the author is trying to say.

Thanks for the read

As already stated, edit and proofread. All of the errors made it impossible to read.

Did you have your cat walk across your keyboard randomly and then to fix everything just went to spell checker and said yes to all?! I could usually tell what words you were trying to say but half the time, the letters weren't anywhere near the wrong ones you typed in. Wtf?

You are a sick bastard , im all for incest but drugging your sister and taking advantage of her when she tries to help you is just wrong , also your spelling is just a cruel joke , replacing fuck with suck on every line is just annoying the hell outa me , pls , for the sake of your readers , PROOF READ AND EDIT!!!

You really need to proof read your stories, the errors in this made it extemely annoying to read.

proof read and spell check

I've never left a comment on a story before, but to go from your first chapter to this abomination is unfortunate. There are so many mistakes I could barely make it through half of this chapter. If you would have made use of an editor this story could have been just as good as the first. I really hope you continue to write, but please do yourself and your readers a favor and either proof it yourself or have an editor do it for you.

If a metric shit-ton of people say "Edit", it's not one person's opinion: It's a consensus, and you might consider listening to them.

Does anyone know what spell checking is? Most programs do it automatically, so what's the problem? You need to listen to your readers. Your first chapter was bad. This one is worse! And I'm not even going to get started on your grammar.

Don't blindly use spell check and auto-correct, you'll end up with this mess again. Proof read your work, don't rely on a computer to do it for you.

SPELL CHECK AND EDIT because the next step is no more reading of your stories even though I liked the plot and gave a "5" but if you don't get better {POOR} is all you will get.! All of us can't be wrong ~~~ (LISTEN) or quit writing because everybody will stay away from your da way you writes everry tome use is on nears.!!! Tanks. JAG

To one of the other commenters: He has hypnotized his sister, not drugged her. That's probably nit-picky but there is a difference.

To the writer: Well, I guess I don't have to say it do I? But I had to stop halfway through because the mistakes were too distracting and in a couple of places, the misspellings change the meaning of what you want to say.

Please check wording/grammar. I LOVED your first chapter... this one was kinda hard to read, sorry... please work on that for number three! again your First chapter was so great!

Your really need to learn how to use spell check and than proof read your work.

And remember... Half of the people that leave negative comments would never write a story or put their written fantasies on display. Keep going and don’t let negative comments hold yourself back. Just remember that it’s your story, you tell it the way you want to.

this wasnt as good as the first chapter, thou it could have been. the editing problems took away from the over all effect. Im still looking forward to the next chapter with eagerness. Dont make us wait too long! And remember one thing: Proof Read! Keep up the good work!

Give us another chapter please.

I want more.

Maybe other girls should succomb to the pills.

More............PLEASE.

The dude is a seriously annoying douchebag! You just get this urge to bend him over and fuck him up the ass with a big, fat, round cactus. ...or pull his mouth down on one and hold it there, lol. Ugh.

Sorry but the premise of the story is basically rape just a hypnosis drug and not a rohypnol and the sister is a big time whore and she could care less. I hope the brother gets tested after ass raping his whore sister. 1 star

I have read stories with similar concepts before and even played a game where the main character used a substance to alter people like a hypnotic suggestion and so far this is the best one I hope you consider continuing it