by MattressThrasher
Has been done. The other story was better. What happened when the whore picked up her stuff? Who was with her? What happened to her friends? 3* for effort. Try again with some emotion.
I don't know what's worse, the fucking cheating cunt or the fucking pricks who are now ex-friends. Luckily our shocked former groom had one good friend.
Could have been longer but why? Everything that needed to be said was said.
Five Stars
Short but it gets the job done, and at least he learned the truth before he took his wedding vows.
Okay beginning but it lacked dramatic tension. The reader was not really waiting to see what happened. There was the sick possibility that he was going to turn into some kind of cuckold, but the set up wasn't there. Too predictable. The question these stories always put in my mind is how could a guy not know what was going on? This was a conspiracy, there were at least 4 people who were screwing him over. It is hard to keep that quiet for a long period of time. This demands an investigation. Who else knew? Who else is guilty? Personally, I would run down all the leads. I would also invest in a small bit of revenge. I would not give my life over to revenge, but I would enlist trusted friends and family in helping me damage if not ruin the reputations, and if possible the lives of those involved.
It's mistakes like that that take away from a story. This one had no plot to speak of. It made no sense that he waited until the wedding to toss her out. It made no sense that the wife allowed his best friend to see that she was a gang bang slut. This was just weak..
(By the recent standards of this site). At least it didn't involve a man who enjoys being a cuck. On that basis, 5 stars.
A real man! This site needs more writers with balls instead of all the dickless, cocksucking, cucks on here! Keep writing Bro!
Maybe somehow project the video for everyone to see!
Also, Davy's such a good friend, but he does't try to stop things?
And don't they notice him recording the gang bang?
Along with 'your right', just examples of what little talent you have.
Learn English, for fuck's sake.
This story seems like it was written in about fifteen minutes. If I were sitting in a bar, and the guy sitting next to me told me this story, I'd probably find it amusing. But as "literature", it doesn't really work for me.
Given the high praise these types of stories receive, I can't help but wonder if some guys jerk off to these "revenge" stories. I suspect that it's a strange type of fetish. To each his own.
Get everyone to the wedding and walk out? What a douche. The guests should punch his lights out for wasting their time.
There was NO confession. Actually she never even mentioned it until he showed her the proof AND then claimed it was only a one time thing. Obviously English is not your first language. Get an editor who does speak English and knows the vocabulary which they use in their writings.
Good: Putting note on underside of toilet seat (in a shared apartment) is genius. Future Hubby is MUCH more likely to be the only one to see it!
Bad: If the Bulls are posited as friends of FH, why were they NOT invited to his batchelor-party? And why did Davy decide to NOT go to the party? Agree that grandstanding at the wedding is in VERY poor taste! Editing is Very Poor!
2*
She can marry Jake Berry or Lou instead then maybe they can all 4 then live in peaceful matrimony. One wife 4 men Whose baby is it whose she sleeping with tonight lol I wish them well Not her Just the 3 guys
A few mistakes an editor would have caught but a nice revenge story based on a public embarrassement.
Effort. Wish they had 3.5 star. Round up to 4 stars for enjoyment. Wish it was lengthen to see result after the confrontation. What happen to so call friends. Side POV from her dad.
his friend confessed to knowing or finding out what was going on. the revenge
was telling everyone what a slut she is at the wedding. the pay off was the
three boys got well known for being scum and he did not have to go to jail .
the wedding gifts were returned to the store. short tale but it happens in life.
More like an alert.
Started good. It jumped into an ending with little to no support.
Suggestion: Flesh out the day before the wedding thoughts of Steve and possibly Kelly.
But it felt like it was over before it started. I just think that it had real possibilities but that there was too little information or detail. I would have liked to understand or hear his thought process after he found out. When and what did he tell his family? Thanks for the effort.
It's a cliché story, so it needs much more thorough and preferably novel treatment. The writing was passable, but there wasn't much room for mistake. ***
Done before a thousand times and at least 990 of them are better
It's as if you wanted to end this ASAP. You have his confrontation at the wedding, followed by one quick and dirty paragraph. Why did she do this? What was her reaction when she heard the audio? Why did his friends do this? What are the real reactions? How did her father take this news, especially if you go by the tradition that the bride's family pays for most of the wedding. (This may be outdated, but some do still do this.) You don't need to run this into the ground, but something to flesh this out would have raised it above the mundane.
I think the most important, the story showed a calm and clever solution for this situation. The most important to avoid violance, because the modern life brought prison punishment for seriouse violance. 5*****. I think to show without violance Revenge is the best Author aim or to show the Author how the character(s) avoid the prison...........
The author wrote the foundation of this story was true life experience. I am curiouse how many% of the wedding preparations goes to abandon the wedding. It may be the majority before some days the wedding day, but the last time No is not too many in the true life.
should have told the whole story and givin every one a copy of the video, I would have loves to see the dad reaction to the video, I would have thrown her out of my house too.
It would be a confession if the friend was saying that he had sex with her.
All Davy said he did was watch and take pictures.
...at least, he's not in to creampies. and most of all, not into sucking the dicks of his ex-friends.
But it had a helluva impact. Now her entire family knows what kind of person Would-be-Wifey is, and her parents know what kind of a slut they raised. At least he got out before saying "I Do" and having to get an annulment or divorce later on. lol
It should have been called "Post-It-Note Warning", though. Nobody confessed to anything.
Still 5 Stars.
An outline of a story. Alas, nothing especially new, unique of worth repeating.
Yeah the story was a little thin. I thought the writer probably got excited. He had a good idea. He got a real good start on it, and like many of us he jumped a tad too soon. There's still a good story there; a story Mattress Thrasher could develop. See here aside from the 'alter' thing; a simple error it was sound, not waterproof, but sound. He has a good idea. Now let's see if he can take this and do more with it.
Listen Thrasher - this story is less like thrashing a dead horse, than pulping it to fucking glue. Gets some origin. 3*
What is the problem. My wife blew a coworker a week after we got married. Hey she's a great cocksucker and I get a lot of that.
Good writing is taking a basic idea and expanding on it successfully. If it was JUST the idea, the world would be full of great writers
Look at Crime and Punishment. Plot: Man kills a pawn broker for money, feels guilty, meets a whore, confesses and goes to jail.
It is the additions which make good writing.
And sometimes the point of writing is just the idea itself. O Henry and his 'Gift of the Magi' clocked in at very few pages but is a classic.
This story is two things: the clue and the vows. We need more of a journey than that. It's a clever clue. It isn't too bad a speech. But it's just that.
What is missing from this story is a few things.
His emotional reaction
Her emotional reaction
WHY he thought she was going through the motions
WHY these three cock in the mouths thought they could publically get away with this shit.
What exactly 'good friend Davy' was doing there getting HIS piece of Kelly (ignored by the author)
WHO these three cocksuckers were.
It's not a bad idea at all. But I don't know these people, and so I don't care about these people. The protagonist seems as bloodless as any man I've read about.
Sorry to go long, but I am always interested in what makes a story good and not good.
This wasn't bad, but it needs a bit more spark and polish.
...so you´ve got no name, love cuckolding stories and are married to your own professional whore. Okay...but: Are you really stupid enough to be proud of it?
Seems so to me, reading your comment.
As fot this story: Nice one, but a bit short. Nevertheless I gave her 3*
Too short, and also it' a warning not a confession. it could have been better if he show to everyone the video after he sent it in the net. Maybe you can show also what happened to her after it.
Yeah a warning vs. a confession -
But cool device with the post-it
She was obviously upset and probably would have made a great wife now that she repented.
I can't see why they couldn't reconcile and live a happy fulfilling life.Some people are just too unforgiving... or not.
What's worse, a cheating fiancée or the friends fucking her? My guess is both are equally despicable. Luckily our groom found out in time.
I must say you did it nicely....except the timing. You should never have shown at the wedding. Now you have made an enemy of her father. Even if he detests his daughter he will detest you even more to defend his honor and pride. That wasn't too clever.
but my problem I did not find out until years later...
The three "friends" should not get off that easy. A second chapter documenting how each met with strange painful accidents starting six months later just when they thought they were safe...
For makarow, lay of Tazz, douchebag.
Trying to figure out what the hell he is talking about in his comments are oft times more entertaining than the stories... like this one.
WTF, that's revenge? A pussy's idea of it anyways.
Everyone gets off with what they did except the poor cheating cunt's father since he probably paid for the whole thing.
Stupid story that at least was VERY short.
Good idea, but lacking in depth. We learned nothing about any of the people involved. Why did the three amigos get away clean. Just too short.
You should continue it a bit further. He needs to find someone else, get married and have a family. She needs to see her actions have destroyed her life - at least for several years - she needs to be know publicly as a cheating slut, and no good guy would touch her for several years - she's just not qualified to be a wife or mother. As for the 3 ex-friends, they really need public humiliation and if possible job loss, and a severe beating.
Need more burn..weddings always have the posterboards of pictures of the couple as they grew up. Just add one more of the happy foursome. Just a random idea.
If it were me, I'd not let it wait for the day of the wedding. However, it makes for a better story this way. Everyone needs a true friend.
Weakest ‘surprise evidence’ in the history of LW. Or close! No video of Best Buddy Davy boffing Sweetie in the couple’s apartment before writing the Post-It note? Why not ... she was toast anyway!
Incidentally, fiancé is the male. The female is fiancée. It’s a French thing, doncha know!
Cute, but Why the Fuck not save father-in-law (almost) some of his bucks by canceling out right after you get the video? He never hurt you ... his bitchy daughter did!
In the title it just said "HONOUR RESTORED"
There was a link to a video and boy what a video.
It showed the systematic beating the 3 clown received from Kelly's father (who lost $25000 on her wedding) her brothers,uncles and several good friends of the family.
After this email he sent another which said simply "Don't be a stranger"
It Seems that He had 1 true friend .. I would have done the same thing except .. I would have emailed the evidence while She was reading Her Vows ... I am sure Her whole Family would have been proud of Her .
she's a unrepentant slut and proud of it. Till she lost her meal ticket.
Again, for one of the best fiance cheats before the wedding stories. Only thing that would make it better would be some pay back for Jakw, Berry, and Lou.
Great short story but would be better if there was more about the fallout.
Great short story of a guy narrowly missing a speeding bullet. Love the way he got his revenge by exposing her at the wedding.
Would've liked it to be more of a story. The thoughts, more of discussions - mainly after the cancelled ceremony, especially between the bride & her parents. What happened after? This was like a summary, not a story. Shame-- could've been a good one. -- Bob
Well written- author’s choice on how it goes. Supercritical should write their own
You missed 1 crucial point - her dad may disown and disinherit her; at the very least she will be known as a cheating slut among her friends and family, and chances are any future wedding she'll have to pay for herself. The only way I see her having any relationship with her parents is for her to have some kids, and even then its not guaranteed.
Your character IS a wimpy cuckold regardless of what he thinks. He is an emasculated coward too chickenshit too exact revenge on the three "friends" or a fiance all of whom will laugh their collective asses off and ridicule him to everyone he knows. A sorry sorry sorry story.
Don't know what the Anonymous is talking about, he exacted his revenge by exposing all four of them, they won't be laughing their asses off. Clearly, you did not read where it says he emailed the video to her friends and family, thus they all know what they did. Things won't be the same for those four, it's as he says they can continue to do it if they want, but they are likely too affected by the ridicule that they will get from now on.
What would have happened if she got up first and saw the note? I presume the note was on the lid and not the seat. Anyway it would have probably have been too damp a location for the note to stay stuck on all night.