All Comments on 'Precious Things'

Wonderful love story, but that switching back and forth between 1st and 3rd person -- sometime in the same paragraph -- was VERY confusing. Many times, I had to reread to figure out just who was talking.

If this was just an experiment, it failed. It distracted from an otherwise good story.

Great story! I'm a fan of all of your writings, but this one I particularly liked because of the extra "feeling" and personal connection they underwent...I felt it along with them. As in many of your stories, wish it were me!

I haven't shot that much cum before! Amazingly hot story.

This is an excellent story, one of the best I have read. I agree that switching between 1st and 3rd person is a little confusing, but once ou figure that out......WOW!

WOW! I love this story, it's incredibly erotic. Well done!

Loved this story.....absolutely made me melt!

Would love to see a sequel....love to find out if

Jessica and Michael's relationship goes further.

That story was absolutely delicious!! The anal almost made my knees buckle and I'm sitting!!! Bravo!!

Good story. You just need some editing to help it flow better.

This is a really good storyline, and developed ata nice pace. Good sex too. Sadly it was spoiled for me by inconsistent verb tenses and, worse, the constant switching from narration by the girl, to the man, to a third person. Choose one person to tell the story and make them tell the whole story!

Your writing is quite good but ruined by poor grammar. Please get an editor.

...and English very sketchy . An editor would have to rewrite it completely. Doubt if worth the effort.

"gave me more power then the others"; "sounded to anxious, to eager"; "still felt the intrepidation" (no such word), and of course, the usual on this site misuse of "lie" and "lay". If the author actually read the story and didn't notice stuff like this - serious handicap. Nowhere to go but up. Good luck.

Could have been sexy if the writing wasn't so bad.

I like the point of view switching, and the fact Michael and Jessica mutually realize they have found each other. The basic idea that this widower has found himself a younger woman eager to play the slut for him, that wants him to dominate her in bed, is intensely attractive.

That said, the change from her POV to his and vice versa needs to be much clearer. You also need to pick either first person or third person and stick with it. The only way you can get away with going from one to the other is to be inside their head articulating their thoughts, and that should be done sparingly. Use it as spice, not as a club.

One thing you also need to understand is spellcheck is not proofreading. You need to do both, but of the two reading proof is much more important. Glaring misspellings or lapses in grammar break the flow and detract from what is an enjoyable story.

jessica:-I know he was being gentle because he cared about me. God I was falling in love

me:-michael caring gentle hahahaha !!!!! joke of the day

since when did that sadist bastard michael start being caring

he intentionally didnt use lube before anal as he wants to hurt jessica ,the same jessica the latina sadist obsessed michael wants to hurt in all his stories with jessica all the time so much as he gets turned on being rough anx painful anal as long as its jessica

all diff versions same jessica going through anal pain at the hand of michael always then he would throw her to some henry or some captain to take even more painful anal

locations change theme change but anal torture of jessica by michael remains constant in almost all stories

even in this one where jessica is readily submisive and willing deep in love and lust but still michael managed to make anal especially painful with no lube

The tone and details are good, but there too many grammar and homophone mistakes, plus disconcerting changes in tense and point of view.