All Comments on 'Prince of Dragon Riders'

cant wait for more to come!!!!

Good start, more please before we forget who is who and what's going on.

and i think that you have a great vast start here, i just noted one thing, the viscountess mentioned that he lost both concubines, how did she know this,

I like it and think it has great potential. Everyone loves a randy Prince who has to rescue his Princess so your story has built in appeal.

It was also a tad too convoluted to really get into it. The numbers... You kept mentioning the specific amount of Barons or Nobles, how many survived, how many agreed, how many spoke out of turn, how many quited down...I felt like there was going to be a math problem presented at the end. I hate math! Was it really neccessary to enumerate with such accuracy?

If the two concubines were going to die so quickly, they did not need to be so detailed. It was pointless to know that the buxom one was jealous of the elf for having smaller breasts. Knowing that she was jealous of the Princess did serve the story, however. We know that the Prince must be quite a man if a concubine forgets her place, and this was backed up by the care the Prince shows when he finds her injured.

Squires are male so there was no need to say, the male squire. Unless of course you break tradition and have a female squire. But if your story is set in a mostly patriarchal society, it is assumed that all roles will be filled by traditional masculin or feminin.

There were several instances in which you use the same word several times with in the same paragraph or sentence. Word repetition is something that interrupts the flow and should be avoided at all costs. Find synonyms or rework the sentences so you don't need to keep writing the same word. The prince's musculature was one example, off the top of my head.

A nit pick pet peeve: "Too" Are you going shopping TOO? There are TOO many people here. He said I could have one TOO.

Again, I did like this story; I just think it would be more compelling with less details. I know here on Lit we see feedback asking for more details, describe this or that. But sometimes the details get in the way of the essential story. Some details are important but not all. Especially when you're setting up the plot and introducing characters, you have to be careful to give enough info so we know who, what, where and maybe why. But we don't need to know everything and we certainly don't need to know details that are irrelevant.

I hope this feedback give you help and yet does NOT prevent you from completing this story. If nothing else, keep posting and then you can go back to rewrite.

Story sounds great, please continue

I do not normaly enjoy this type of story, however this one I extremly enjoyed.

Keep it up. Waiting for the next chapter.

...you need an editor. The story looks like it has potential to develop into something great, but the grammar, spelling and punctuation errors make it difficult to follow.

Go back to school. Even my 3 year old can spell better then you and be more original then you. Please do not post any more.

Dear lolzinit,

The previous writer is an asshole and troll of the highest regard, so please ignore him/her and know that he/she does not represent the majority of us.

I hope you continue writing such a fascinating story.

Can't wait for the next segment