Princess Ch. 04

About three o'-clock we'd had enough and decided to leave. I drove to the end of the block and turned the corner to head home. As I turned, the headlights on the car I had been watching came on. I got about half a block and stopped in time to see Stevie's Nova go through the intersection behind us. He had sat there waiting for us to leave.

"That was him Maddie. Let's go get him."

"We should wait. He might just keep on driving if he thinks we're after him. I have a plan, but I need to check a few things out first."

I took her home and then went home and got mom's car. I parked where I could watch Mike's father's shop. A little after six, Stevie pulled up to the shop, went in and opened a bay door and pulled his car in and closed the door. As the door closed I saw a white van that looked like one that drove past us last night before Stevie parked to wait us out.

I went home and took a shower. I slept well, knowing that I had a long night again tonight. I was sure my plan would work; I just hoped Heidi could help him before it was too late.

Steve

"Oh you fucking stupid ass mother fucker!!!!! Couldn't wait another minute, could you? Impatient FUCK! Let's just get our tired ass home before she can turn around." I ranted to my self for my stupidity.

I knew I had fucked up as soon as I turned on my headlights. But truth be told I was so tired I was tempted to "roofie" myself just to get some sleep. I had spent part of yesterday in my office until Charley called and told me it was vacation time and to get my ass out and have fun. So I went to the shop and tried to sleep.

I can never remember the dreams, but I know they are getting worse. I can't sleep more than half an hour at a time. I just have to make it until Monday when the Navy recruiter could sign me up and get my ass on a ship. So I hurried home and got into my house before she turned around and came back.

I drove through the driveway and parked in the garage and quickly got inside. I went straight to bed, but I only slept for maybe twenty minutes before I would wake feeling more afraid than I have ever felt. I gave up trying a little before six and decided to go back to hiding at the shop. I could nap and nobody would know I was there.

I got to the shop and open the bay door. As I was pulling my Nova inside I could have sworn I saw Dianne's car sitting just up the block. I closed the door and got into the back of the shop van and tried, in vain, to sleep. I looked outside a while later and the car I saw was gone. I tried all day long to sleep but failed.

Finally at 11:00 that night I decided to take the van and see if my house was being watched. Even as tired and hungry as I felt I knew I would have to polish off my vodka at home and probably make a dent in Mike's whiskey or tequila.

I cruised the van up the 'Vard and saw no one out, so I cruised by the house and went up and down the streets surrounding the house. Satisfied that I would be alone I went back to the shop and got my Nova. I half expected to find Maddie waiting for me when I got there but she wasn't around. I garaged my car and went to the front door. I opened it and stepped inside.

"Man you have to work on your awareness. Never even looked in the corner of the porch....Asshole!!! We'd be fucked in a bad neighborhood." This is the thought that ran through my head as a hand covered my mouth and an arm went under my chin to restrain me. I didn't even have the energy to scream into the hand. Maybe they'd knock me out so I could sleep.

I was spun around into a loving hug from my own sister. There were tears in her eyes as she held me tightly to her. "Why did you run from me? What did I do baby?"

"It's not you. It's the dreams. They are becoming too much to handle."

"What do you dream about?"

"I can never remember. I just know I am afraid to go to sleep but I am so damn tired I can't see straight."

"Why run and hide? Why join the military? None of these help you with dreams."

"She doesn't want me around you or Shel. I was trying to lie low until the navy recruiter's office opens up Monday so I could join. I don't want to make you guys feel bad and make you feel you can't comfortably move on. If I stay I'd be a reminder to both of you and that would be painful to us all. But if I'm on a ship away from everybody, it'll give me peace and you and Shel can move on and be happy."

"Who is she?"

She? Had Maddie lost her mind? "What do you mean "she"?"

"You said "She." I just wanted to know who you meant. And I don't want you to go away. I've just discovered you and it hurts to know you want to go to sea. Shelby won't like it either. It'll be hard to plan a wedding with you gone."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "I don't deserve her. I had sex with you after I hooked up with her and not to mention Heather and Evelyn. She won't want to marry me after she finds out and I can't hide it from her. She deserves much better than....."

"Steven Sheppard, I think I'll decide who and what I deserve and I already know about you and Maddie. I want you and you alone." Shelby ran across the room and held me tight. I hugged her back and cried into her hair. "We're going to get you through this baby."

"Do you want to help him get cleaned up while I go get us some food, and maybe something to drink?" asked Maddie

"That sounds fine," said Shelby, "Are you gonna let everyone know we found him?"

"Who's everyone?" I asked.

"Don, Gary, Craig, my folks. They're all worried about you sweetheart."

Maddie left and Shelby took me into the bathroom. She stripped and we got into the shower. She started washing me and I started crying again. "You're gonna hate me, but I have to tell you about Maddie and I."

"I could never hate you baby. I know about you and Maddie. I was hurt and mad, but mom talked to me and made me understand several things. She'll help you too."

"Oh god. Your mom knows? Oh fuck she must think I am a sick pervert. She'll tell your dad and he'll forbid you and I being together. Why don't you two just let me join the Navy?"

She turned me to face her, and looked deep into my eyes and held my gaze. "Because, you silly oaf, if you are at sea we can't be together. And I don't want to be apart from you. Baby I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We're going to grow old and have babies, and grandbabies, we are going to have a great life sweetheart. I wouldn't want anyone else"

"I also had a threesome with Heather Boyd and Evelyn Hernandez."

"When did this happen?" She looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Tuesday, when I went to tutor Heather."

"Last Tuesday? Christmas Eve?"

"No, her parents were there last Tuesday. Then it must have been the Tuesday before."

She smiled and was visibly relieved. "We hooked up the next day babe. You didn't cheat by doing that. I know you're not a cheat Steve. You're mixed up, and we'll get you through that, but you aren't a cheater. I love you with every fiber of my being. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."

She helped me finish my shower and we went back into the front room just as Maddie came in with the food. The smell of Taco Bell permeated the house. I ate well and found I was hungrier than I had originally thought. I drank about half of my Mountain Dew and then topped my glass of with vodka. Maddie looked at me and shook her head.

"It might no be wise to drink too much as tired as you are baby."

"It'll take more alcohol than I have here to make me sleep. I know. I've tried."

I drank my glass as we talked. I think Shelby was filling us in on her Christmas in Chicago. I started feeling really out of it and was having problems staying awake. I knew it was more than the vodka. I'd been roofied. That was the last thought that went through my head as the room faded from view.

Maddie

Stevie finally passed out and Shelby and I moved him down the stairs and put him in his bed. "We should have drugged him down here. He's heavy for a scrawny little guy."

Shelby laughed and stripped him down to his shorts and covered him up. "I'm beat, I know that much. Are you ready for bed?"

"Yeah. I think we ought to just sandwich him in and sleep here in case he has issues in the night."

"Ok. I hope he's going to be ok."

"He will be." I said. I went upstairs and made sure the house was locked up and threw the trash away. I went back down and saw that Shelby had already fallen asleep and was spooned into Stevie. I lay down on the other side of him and was soon asleep myself.

I woke around ten the next morning and went to get breakfast. There was a New York style deli a mile from Stevie's house and they had the best bagels. I went and got a variety of bagels and some different toppings. Stevie and Shelby were still asleep when I got back.

Somehow between the time I left and the time I got back they had rolled into each other and were locked in a lover's embrace. I felt a bit sad, because they looked like they belonged together. Stevie occasionally whimpered or cried out in his sleep, and I knew the only thing keeping him asleep were the sedatives I slipped in his drink last night.

Heidi called around noon to say she'd be here at two. Shelby woke up just after I hung up. She looked at me and got a worried look on her face. "Did he wake you too?"

"No he didn't. When did he wake you?"

"Several times he cried out in the night. He'd seem to calm down then ten minutes later he'd thrash around again. He calmed a bit when I started holding him."

"I'm pretty sure the sedatives are the only thing that kept him sleeping. Your mom will be here in a couple of hours. I got bagels from Barb's if you're hungry."

She ate, then we got Stevie up and he ate very little, no matter how I tried to get him to eat more. He looked so scared and haunted. We got Stevie dressed and out to his living room. Heidi showed up right on time and went straight to Stevie. "From now on, young man, you WILL come talk to me when something is bothering you. George and I consider you to be our son now and we are always ready to help."

I couldn't hear his response but I could see he was crying and she was soothing him. I thought to myself that it's too bad his own mother has never tried to comfort him. Shelby put her arm around me and said, "It's going to be ok now. Mom can fix him."

I heard the doorbell and went up to see who was here. I opened the door to find Don Reed and his sister Chris Pearlman.

"Heidi said you found Steven so Chris and I came to help."

"Mrs. Pearlman. Thank you so much for coming. You always meant so much to Stevie. Don thank you for all you've done for him as well."

"I'm glad you have turned around Madeline. I always worried for Steven. My daughter is the only reason I never called DSS on your folks." said Chris. "She didn't want to risk him being taken away from her."

We went downstairs to the living room. Shelby placed a finger over her lips as we entered the room indicating a need for quiet. Heidi was speaking on soft even tones to Stevie, and he was zoning out. I almost wondered when she'd correct him for not paying attention when I realized he was hypnotized. I moved over closer so I could hear better.

"Tell me about your dreams Steven."

Steven stared blankly and seemed confused. "I can't remember them mom."

"This might be hard Steve, but you need go back in your mind to the minute you woke up this morning. What do you see?"

"I see Maddie. She's telling me that she got bagels, but I'm not very hungry. I eat one anyway so she won't get upset with me."

"Why would she get upset Steve?"

"Some people get upset if they buy you some food and you don't eat it."

There was a chuckle from Don. I felt bad that he thought I'd get mad at him for not eating. Heidi spoke again to Stevie. "Now Steve, I need you to go back to those moments before you woke up. What do you see?"

"Darkness. It's cold. Fear. Gotta get away. She's after me..." Stevie started physically trying to get out of the chair. Heidi spoke sharply to him, "Steven! You are safe. Move out of the dream."

Stevie visibly calmed and seemed to go right back to his previously relaxed state.

"Steve, who is she?"

"She? I don't understand."

"You said that "she" was after you. Who is she?"

"I don't know a she."

Heidi turned to us and said, "Whatever is bothering him is very deep in his subconscious. I'm going to have to take him deeper. There is a danger of him completely breaking from reality to protect whatever is lurking in there." She began talking to Stevie on low and steady tones. His eyes took on an eerie twitch that I had heard happens when a patient is in a deeply induced hypnotic state.

"I want you to go into the dark place Steve. That place where your dreams come from. Is she there with you?"

"Yes she's here. She's angry that I let you in. I need to join her, but it has to happen accidently or naturally."

"Is she dead Steve?"

"Yes she is. She needs me to be too. Can't be suicide."

A chill ran down my spine when he said this. Has his reckless behavior simply been a means to an end?

"Who is she Steve?" Heidi asked.

"Wendy. She's waiting for me. She's upset that I took other women to my bed. I was promised to her and I have broken that promise."

"Steve, Wendy is dead honey. She's been dead for four years. She is not telling you that you need to die. The promise was made years ago and while you kept it for so long, no one could expect you to keep it your whole life."

"I was supposed to keep it. She died angry with me and she is still."

Heidi looked back at Chris with a questioning look on her face. Chris shrugged and looked surprised. "Was she mad at him when she died? Don't worry he can't hear you unless I tell him to listen to you."

"They had some sort of tiff the night before she died, but I never found out what it was about. I know she was miserable during the ski trip and pressed David to come back early. They called from the ski area just before they left. I know David was upset, but he loved his sister enough to put off skiing to bring her home so she could patch things up with Steve." She paused and seemed thoughtful.

"For the longest time I blamed him. If he hadn't pissed her off, they would have been together that day and they would not have left the ski area early. I realized on the last anniversary of their deaths that I should have been there more for him. I knew how lousy his parents were. Heck, I'm still surprised that Madeline is concerned enough with his well being to be here today."

Shelby was on the verge of tears again, "We can't let Stevie know that they were coming back early because of him. He'll never let go of that guilt, and it'll kill him."

"I fully agree." Said Heidi, "I can break that to him in later sessions, and work him through it, but for now he doesn't need to know."

"I always loved him. I knew the hell he lived in and never did anything. Wendy was always afraid that the state would take him, if we said anything and she'd never see him again. I would like to know why they were at odds the evening before the ski trip though."

"We can find out, I think I have to, it's part of all of this." She turned back to Steve. "Listen to me now Steve. I want you to go back to the last evening you were with Wendy. Remember everything about it. Now tell me what happened."

"Don had given me some magazines. We are in my room reading them quietly. Herb can be a real dick if I make noise. Princess can be as loud as she wants though and neither he nor Dianne ill say shit."

"I am reading a copy of "Super Chevy." It is called "The Horsepower Issue." It has hundreds of tips for making big horsepower in a Chevy. I am already paying Desmond Carlton fifty bucks a week to buy a ragged 1970 Nova Super Sport from him. I only have a few more weeks before I can move the car from his house to Mike's house. Mike's dad has already told me I can work on it there until it was drivable then I can use a bay at the shop when I need to."

"What is Wendy reading Steve?"

"She is reading a copy of "Teen Weekly" that we found in the trash downstairs. I think it was Princess'. Her mom doesn't let her buy magazines like that so she reads the ones we find around my house." I loathed hearing his former nickname for me. I suppose it's how he remembers it not what he feels now.

"I just found a list of tricks to do to heads and intake manifolds that can add an extra fifty horse power. I tell her I am going to do this to my car. She is telling me that she doesn't want me to make my car go too fast. I tell her the point of having a car like that is to go fast. She is telling me that she has no intention of marrying a corpse, and a fast car will get me killed. I tell her that if I die, I won't know about it."

I cringe at his words. I had thought many times, after hearing about how fast his car is that he could so easily die in it.

Stevie continued. "Now she's throwing the magazine across the room and yelling at me. I see the tears in her eyes and I feel my heart aching. I can't believe I said something so stupid to her. I'd rather die than hurt her. She says not to talk to her ever again. I start to follow her, begging her to listen. I try to apologize for my stupidity. She leaves and I know now I won't be going skiing with her tomorrow. I turn to back into my room and Princess is laughing at me. She says, "Smart move jerk off. Now you've pushed out the one person on this planet that can stand you." I go into my room and go to bed."

Once again I am reminded of the many times I could have made a difference in his life. I could have comforted him and helped him, but I chose to ridicule him. I also realize that I had just learned for the first time that he was supposed to be with Wendy and David that day. Shelby realized it too and we hugged each other. "I could have lost him before I ever got a chance to know him." She said

I didn't know why my parents dislike him so much, but I was never going to say a cross word to him again. I would be a better sister than he could ask for. I could see tears running down Chris' face. Don held her and comforted her.

"Now let's move forward Steve. Tell me about the day she died. How did you find out?"

""Herb just announced that the Pearlman kids were killed, and sat down to eat as if nothing was wrong. I just went to bed. Herb took Princess and me to the funeral, but we left right after the prayer. Princess wanted to go to the mall, so we hurried out of the chapel. I wanted to say good bye, but I never got to."

I had to leave the room at this point. I went upstairs and sat on the sofa and cried. After a while Heidi came up and sat next to me. "I know it's hard for you to hear how rotten you were to your brother. No one thinks any less of you. We can all see that you are becoming the sister he needs. He has forgiven you for the past. Now you need to forgive yourself and get strong. I think I got him past the worst of it. I am giving him some samples of meds I want him on. They are going to make him sleep a lot. He's going to need you and Shelby for the next few days."

I just nodded. I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. Heidi told me I should seek out a therapist when I got back to school. She took my hand and pulled me upright and hugged me. "You're doing right by him sweetheart. He knows and appreciates. Now let's go back down. Don is going to Angelo's to get dinner."

We got back down stairs to see Shelby on one side of Stevie, holding his hand and adoring him. He looked washed out and wasted. Chris sat on the other side of him, telling him that he needed to come see her and Ron once in a while. They considered him like a son and would welcome visits from he and his lovely bride. Don came back with fried chicken, spaghetti, salad and hot garlic bread. We all ate then some started to leave.