by dab10
they more or less mangled what could have been a fun story.
Nasty and sick. A lot of wives are too attached to their families but that is too much.
A 'harry' rat? I think you meant 'hairy'.
And then there was this gem: "She is gave me all the B.S.". What the fuck does that even mean?
Please stop turning out shit like this.
Daddy has a perfectly good, and big, house! Why a Days Inn? Daughter goes to Daddy's house for a two hour visit. No one blinks! So he's rich! Hilton, not Days Inn, but his house is STILL cheaper AND nicer!
One little detail can screw up a whole Incest story. Yep, it's in the wrong category, also! Well, maybe ... From the narrator's perspective, it is LW!
If he has been having sex with his daughter since before she got together with our hero, he probably has been having sex with her since she was a minor.
Your tense; you're mixing past and present in the same sentence.
"BarneyR" ain't feedin' the bulldog, or the hairy rat, either. Almost every story on this site is better than this crap. No one could confuse "placebo" birth control pills with active pills; they are a different color. Everything else about the story sucked, too. Please, YOU CAN'T WRITE!!! NEVER POST AGAIN! Seriously, dude.
I feel like I just got socked in the stomach reading this. Your switching between the past and present tense is a bad writing error, but the fact that the dog could have jumped out of the window because the husband had to take a detour and that it just happened to be by the Day's Inn at the precise moment the wife was there, and the fact that the receptionist spilled everything to a person who she thought was a complete stranger boggles even the wildest imagination. There was nothing even remotely erotic about this.
Screw off all the complaints about tense. This was a funny weird revenge tale. Kind of a combo incest/loving wives tale. Instead of calling his wife a mother fucking slut he calls her a father fucking slut.
OH YEAH
gave it a 4, not worried about the "tenses" it was a good story.
Hilarious. I think a couple of idjits actually took this seriousy. Went for 1* hit the fucking 5*. I regret that.
a different tilt to the phrase, daddy's girl. It was filled with the stuff of humour and the revenge. Hoperfully he made a little profit on the sale of the hour to more than recoup his loan
THE WORD IS THROUGH are you so fucking lazy you can't write it or you just can't spell? THRU is for texting, but then given the lack of editing I'm not surprised. You really are lazy aren't you? The grammar, punctuation and spelling errors are unbelievable, but then I guess you're too lazy to take some sort of pride in your writing.
You changed a bit after BarneyR got done with it? What bit? The WHOLE thing needs a decent editor, I suggest you find another, because even if you changed a bit BarneyR certainly doesn't know anything either.
The person who made the THRU comment is obviously a sad lonely ass, with a very tiny circle of friends! I would imagine that this person is morbidly obese and with a little luck will gorge himself to death and not be found for several months. Get a life and offer constructive critism to a very good story...... In the UK you would be called a "Bell End"! (Penis tip)
..go back to you job making the fries, or working the Drive Thru, before returning to your mothers basement.
Let the rest of us enjoy this fine fun tale dab wrote for our reading.
... I love revenge stories. My one gripe; erotic stories need sex.
Panther Fan.
But a lazy execution. This sounded more like a high school report than a story. Next try, take your time and fill the story out a bit more.
Overall a good story with good pace, the author can ignore the two comments below that have as their main point the proper spelling of THROUGH. The nit pickers frequently miss any comments about the content of the story. I would hope that the author does not let the villian's off the hook so easily because motivation for them is as important as the hero. Simply describing the motivation as once a week incest for the wife and her father is hardly realistic.
Good portrayal of a psychotic husband. Only criticism of the story is that it should give more detail about Sue, probably abused and controlled by her father and neglected by the nerd husband.
Decent attempt though at a first story.
I gotta agree with the anon below me; this was a bit too rushed, even for a mostly non-sexual story.
If there is a god, or a god of jokes/humour, forgive me...
Really, there was more dog than bitch.
I get fricking sick of that ass hole anon. If some of these pickey snot suckers would read the writers bio they would have found out the writer has motor skill problems that function at a slower rate than his thought process and that obviously leads to other problems. Being 66 years old I was taught to spell phonetically so I have no problem with his spelling.
I wish asshole-anon would quit being an extension of his Jr. high school English teacher and just sit back, read the story and make comments about the story and how the writer can improve it At least Dab10 has the nerve to write.
A hearty thanks to Hdog2 for his take on this story ---- I agree with him.
y
The best bit is that he forgot about the pills bonus revenge
Revenge is better without compassion.
I would have given it a 5 except for the poor vocabulary--there for their, and other errors--let me guess--C's and D's in English and quit school early--such a shame you are a dame good writer please read a lot more-not trying to put you down but the story suffers from errors
The funniest part was that the cunt was impregnated by her own father. Maybe she'll marry her father, huh? Make the child legit.
Ha
On second thought it has been my experience that birth control pills (at least the three different brands I have seen) have the "dummy" pills different shade from the other pills, sometimes a completely different color. This woman is dumb, admittedly but even she would not notice something like that. I still liked the story and was able to overlook minor errors in spelling or tense.
The incest with ex-daddy warbucks, or the bromance with cool hand George??? I get that you wanted a lot of humor in this one, and I neither took it too seriously, or cared too much about his lack pain and angst over her betrayal. But the yucks and chuckles just weren't funny enough to save this story from being mostly a uncomfortable, rambling, cliché-filled, and mediocre revenge tale. I guess you never felt you could do better, since this was your one and only shot. Sad, really, because I bet if you had kept trying, you might have been able to come up with something better than this. I would have tried, because this is a pitiful entry to leave as your legacy to Literotica.
This was a funny story, but ...
... the way you write is so very distracting. Although you get the information across most of the time, the writing itself is confusing and, to me at least, a tiny bit insane. What you really need is a real editor to clean up your writing, all of it!
Get an abortion, you stupid bitch. And Frank should remember to tell her that Princess gave them away. That should give him a little more satisfaction. Good story (and not all that strange, either).
It was all a Princess plot so she can always sleep with her trained human. 😂
Thx!
The dog saved him. He should have seen to it that the dog got a friend and ate nothing but steak for the rest of its life! Funny story.
OMG!!! Soooooo good!!! I have to agree though that he should have kept the dog. Why? Two reasons, one being he owed it for outing the cheating, the other being that it would have been torture for the slur to lose the furry rat that she loved more than her husband!
I love the revenge, but also the advice given in the story...ALWAYS get a prenup!!! Once you do make sure you never cheat, and make doubly sure that you can't be set up or fall victim to a fake affair. If you have anything to lose then you'll most likely have the resources to invest in security cams for the office. Always making sure to NEVER be in the position of being alone with a woman other than your wife will be a necessity, but it should just be considered as another cost of doing business.
Incest is the Best and did not finish the quote. TK U MLJ LV NV
This was just so damn cool of a story. I enjoyed every word of it.
Sick stuff: adultery, incest, and the evil of causing her to get pregnant with her father's child. I am not against justice being served, but tampering with her birth control pills and causing a pregnancy is not just, it is sick and evil. So, once again we have another story about unlikable people that the reader cannot care about. Still, it was well told and a quick read.
OK, I just fell off my computer chair laughing, now I've got the hiccups and I can't breathe properly. This was just soooo good! Nothings too good for a cheating spouse!
Morgan DeWolfe
...I really enjoyed this one. Well done, indeed. 5*
I know you needed it to be a "surprise", but a warning of incest should be mandatory.
I will not read ANYthing about incest and had to stop because it probably was a pretty good story otherwise.
If you had just made it a step parent, or a 3rd cousin guardian or something.
Too bad.
Go fuck yourself, you politically correct jerk-off. THAT is what needs to be made 'mandatory'.
You self-righteous cocksuckers need to stick to sucking your favorite cocks and stop trying to convince the world that you're the 'moral authority'.
The story was excellent. I gave it five stars because it deserved them. (Dr.Dicksucker 10/07/16 be damned.)
Almost, but not quite.
Of course, this is comedy. Right? One hates to be a spoil sport but shouldn't there be at least a modicum of palpable feeling between them? Otherwise, what's the point?
Taking daddy's meat....that's some weird territory. But getting preggers with daddy's bastard...whoa!! That's some badass revenge!! That has got to be a Loving Wives first. Well done....I think.
first of all I would like to apologize for my bad English because I am not an English speaker
I think this is a good story but not realistic at all , because if she is having an affair with her father, then she does not need to go a motel to get fucked, it will be safer to do at her father,s home which will be normal to her to visit her father and no body will suspect any thing
I think it would be realistic to fucked by just a stranger, and if the writer wants to involve her father then he could mention that her father was approving her affair and he tried to support her against her husband
Put this in a story and you immediately label yourself as stupid. Unless the couple is in S.Dakota, Utah, Hawaii, N Carolina, Mississippi or New Mexico, the injured party can't sue because the law is no longer on the books.
And I would have loved some good old fashioned daughter fucking, especially if she dressed for the occasion.
One more thing. Switching birth control pills usually means tearing the foil. No way for her to miss that. AND the last five days before her period are her safest days.
Again you look stupid. A good editor would have caught those errors.
Considering that there was proof they should probably have been charged for the incest.
Sems weird that they weren't.
If all ythe errors were yours then you have a serious problem with your tenses. What purpose does George the magician serve in the plot?
How ironic with who she broke the prenup with.
Well, I haven't seen a discovery by rat before. Hell, it's not even in the lists that stories talk about in the first paragraph. I'll add that a self aware story is a dastardly blunder in of itself. Seems a bit of a waste, but so is this comment.
....they werent officially divorced, so how can she be arrested for breaking into her own house?
Haven't checked to see if this was a first submission but what the hell, it has an interesting twist that I didn't see coming. For all the readers who get their shorts in a knot just read it as a light porn story and let the words create the images in your brain. If you are looking for some good literary material go to the local library. I understand Moby Dick is a good story about an obsessive relationship. Kinda like this story.
...don't we all know that it's the father behind it all? He raised her broken and must have abused her from an early age. She belongs in therapy the rest of her life and he belongs behind bars. The narrator deserves to be happy and very divorced.
If that’s your editing, you might want to take another pass. Just saying.
Interesting, if strange, twist in a good story. Pretty gentle burn though.
Good story, piss on the naysayers, they have NO CLUE about real life.
Don't get mad-get even!!!!!!!!!!
Only thing that was missing was hearing her try to explain why she did it. Was she coerced by her father or was it simpler than that? Apart from that a decent read.
This story was so good I laughed through all of it.
OMG. I laughed so hard it hurt. I know a woman who was the product of her grandfather and her mother. Her mother was 14 when her father got her pregnant. Does that mean she is aunt to her three sisters? And she is grandmother to her son? And her sisters' children are her neices and nephews and...great neices and nephews.
What a hilarious story. Definitely one way to show your love for family
Awww..... I love a happy ending ....
Don'tcha all love a happy ending ?????
I LUV A HAPPY ENDING
😉 😉 😉 😉 😉 ....
(ermm...this IS a happy ending , isn't it ???)
If daddy and daughter keep screwing then she'll be able to sing that song: I'm My Own grandma 😂
Please don’t mention Barney R in relation to this piece of crap. For fuck’s sake, you change tense in the middle of a sentence. I don’t know what kind of editor Mr. R is, it I have to think he wouldn’t be happy with that.
For a story this ludicrous and then written this poorly, a big whopping two stars ‘cuz I’m nice like that.
Though this story was not as sexy/slutty as many of the others are, it is well written and as someone who actually walked in on my wife mid-coitus with my one of my best friends and somehow the courts still screwed me I took special delight in your solution for this cheating tart.
Please keep writhing. I would make this one suggestion, put more detail into what the females, in particular what the female protagonist, are wearing. Since. most of us males are visually oriented it would add quite a bit to your future works.
Keep writing. Looking forward to you next tail of lust, love, and kink.
-DAvid.
I also thought the dog running to the room was wrong. No way would someone chase their dog to a rented room door and then (almost) knock. Running to the office would have made more sense. Thats where the dog stayed.
Gave the Story a 2 rating because there was the creation of life without the would be Parents knowledge it could / would happen. This is a major SIN on equal standing with Murder. The husband in this case enabled the wife's pregnancy by removing / replacing the birth control pills.
I feel this story should be withdrawn by the Author from Literotica stories.
The father and daughter would be arrested for incest, which is illegal in every state, although California might eventually legislate that incest and bestiality are legal the way things are going there.
You all throw your editors under the bus, I find it extremely hard to believe this was edited at all. If it really was it's time for a new editor.
Needed to be fleshed out more. Wife was also a victim. Would have thought once MC saw it was her father she was cheating with, he would have realized that.
Yeah
How ridiculous is it getting caught fucking your father? Fucking hilarious. I hope the cunt loves her baby/sibling.
Five Stars
This story was written in Arkansas where the state motto is : INCEST IS BEST😁
I just liked it. it was different than most in this category. I'm not a fan of incest, however in this case it served a purpose.
Weird but good. Funny "You will give birth to your own brother or sister."
Anon father and daughter,
Yeah it would be ok in CA because dad "identified" as her boyfriend. I identify as 25, handsome and rich though and that doesn't seem to help.
Bit too harsh for my taste and besides i like father daughter sex..its always sexy. But great story..different.