by Breast_Guy69
You have the general idea down but you really do need to work on your spelling and punctuation. Every time a word was misspelled or the sentence looked like it was pieced together with something else, it detracted from the story.
I'm not say to stop writing. Continue writing but start using spell check and checking your punctuation and grammar.
I enjoyed reading this story & I hope you will write another chapter to it. Please continue this story.
Your grammar is horrible! Purchase a dictionary, and learn to speak english! Better yet, don't write anymore!
way to many stupid errors like missing words. how can you not notice you LEFT WHOLE WORDS OUT when you proofread it? this is why readers are always saying USE A GOOD EDITOR BEFORE POSTING.
The setup was very good but you writing is sloppy, any him licking poop off his finger, disgusting and I had to stop. Please get an editor or at least a proof reader.