All Comments on 'Pull of the Moon Ch. 01'

good start enjoyed it amenly keep going pleas

Watch the names, you went from Jason to Josh. Also you may want to think about someone reading/editing before posting. They may be able to help you identify words that were mixed up such as using quite instead of quiet. Overall it's a good start for a first story. Can't wait to see how it and your writing progresses.

Not bad...some editing and correct use of words. There is a mix up of the guy's name that is stealing money. You called him Jason in the first paragraph then called him Josh through the rest of the chapter.

"cant", should be, can't, you left the apostrophe off each time, same with Ive, should be: I've. Full stops missing, letters left off of words, please get an editor or at least read out loud to yourself, surprising how many mistakes get picked up that way. Like others said, Jason suddenly turned into Josh.

"Just the quite, empty hallway", not quite, QUIET.

Sorry, I will try finding an editor, thank you all for your comments, and its supposed to be Josh but I didn't notice I put Jason, sorry for the confusion guys, I'm working on the next part and will hopefully have it on here soon

You've made a good start. Certainly has promise but please don't use 'text speak' in this (Seeing 'it has to b done' in a story smacks of laziness). Coming across it was almost enough to make me stop reading. Also it seems a bit jumpy in places, switching scenes without warning is a little confusing. Having said that I did enjoy it and look forward to reading more.

You've a good start on the bare bones here. However, it could have been better. Please slow down, flesh it out a little. Giving more description makes for a more interesting story. Also, "*bam!*" and "*bang*" don't make for very interesting reads, unless it's in a comic book. Please consider writing it out: "A loud bang down the hall, the sound bouncing from the walls, sent her senses into full alert..." or something similar.

You have a very good start though. Please consider revising this first chapter, with more built into the timeframe you have here, it's easy to replace the chapter with new, then please do post a second chapter. I'll be looking forward to reading it!

Looking forward to the next chapter