I'm beginning to think that intelligence is over rated. After spending nearly my entire life in the collection of knowledge, I've begun to see weakness in what I've done.
Right now you're thinking this guy is no rocket scientist. And you know what? You're right. I'm the smartest guy in the room. I'm a Theoretical Physicist. I'm the guy who scares rocket scientists. I play around with concepts like String Theory, and of course my personal favorite Quantum Entanglement.
One of my old teachers Professor Harry in VA once told me that Theoretical Physicists as a whole are so smart that we're stupid. He told me that our science was so heavily interred in theory that in most cases practical application of what we worked on was centuries away. He also warned me that I was so deeply rooted in theory that I lacked some of the attributes of far lesser scientists, namely, observational skills and common sense.
I must admit that he was correct in that. I've been working for most of my career in a small regional but first class university, Bozen Scholastic University, in California. I make an extremely decent living and my wife worked there as well. That was back when I had a wife.
Roughly 10 years ago we divorced, due in part to two things. One of those two things was my fault. It was the aforementioned lack of observational skills. We had just had a nice hot tub put into our backyard. I was thinking about getting into that same hot tub to relax after a half day of work when it happened. I'd given my class the afternoon off to study for the next day's final which caused me to arrive home several hours early.
I got out of my car and stepped into my yard to find my wife performing oral sex on a very large guy. My wife was and still is a decent looking woman. She isn't pretty. Let's face it at the time I was far too INTELLIGENT to select a mate based on beauty. Nor is she extremely sexy. She's solidly built. She's sturdy. She doesn't have large breasts or a round behind, but she's smart as all get out. Or so I thought.
If she was actually that fucking smart, she wouldn't have fucking got caught, or got caught fucking as the case may be. When they noticed me, her eyes got as big as saucers but the guy just got a perturbed look on his face. For a smart woman, both her reaction and her statement were extremely stupid.
"It isn't what you think Sam," she said.
See I told you her words weren't smart.
"Okay Alice," I said. "So if you aren't giving some guy a blow job in my hot tub, what is it?"
She had nothing to say. "Are you going to finish?" asked the guy. He didn't look worried at all. I guess it was probably because as physical specimens go, I was less than impressive.
Once he determined that she was done with him he started putting his clothes on. "Call me," he said to Alice.
"Get out of my yard," I snapped. He just looked at me.
"She won't be calling you either," I said, my voice was the standard for righteous indignation.
"Yeah she'll be calling me," he smirked. I got really angry and charged up to him so I could give him a piece of my mind. I never saw it coming. I don't think he even put any effort in the punch that laid me out. It was probably a few minutes later when I woke up. I was lying in the grass of the yard and my wife was leaning over me. At least I thought it was her I couldn't see because the lummox had broken my glasses.
"Are you okay?" she asked me handing me what was left of my glasses.
I moved into a sitting position and made sure that all of my various body parts worked.
"I'm fine," I said. "Who was that gorilla?"
"He works in maintenance," she said. "He's going to be a student next term."
"Why are you still here?" I asked her.
"What do you mean?" she asked. "Where else would I be?"
I told you guys, for a college professor, Alice could be fairly thick sometimes.
"Alice, you have to leave. So start packing. I am willing to give you a reasonable amount of time to gather your belongings but you really need to be out of here and soon."
"Samuel Stanford, what are you talking about?" she asked.
"Alice, you're an INTELLIGENT woman. Surely you understand that you cheated on me so our marriage is over.
Her eyes got bigger. She probably hadn't considered this a possibility.
"Sam, that isn't what I wanted at all," she said. "You're blowing this totally out of proportion. We're INTELLIGENT people. We understand that marriages have their ups and downs. Also there's the fact that love and sex are completely different things. It isn't necessarily a tenet of the modern marriage that the spouses have sex exclusively with each other. In Europe both spouses have affairs all the time. Women take lovers, men take mistresses. It's considered normal.
"We aren't in Europe, Alice," I said calmly. "When did you decide that you wanted to have a European marriage?"
"Well Sam we've been married for a while and our sex life has never been a strong part of it. I guess that biologically I'm getting to an age where I want more sex," she said. "And I want different types of sex."
"So you went to the zoo and got yourself a gorilla," I snapped.
"Well he fills a need that you don't or at least you haven't," she said. "I'll do whatever you want to make up for this."
"I've already told you what I want Alice," I said. "Yet you're still here."
"Well how long do I have to leave for?" she asked.
"Forever Alice," I said. "I don't know how they handle it in Europe, but over here most divorced spouses don't live together."
Then she really looked shocked. "I have no intention of moving out of my house permanently," she said. "And you need me. I'm your wife for God's sake. Who will you go to the science dept. functions with?"
"Alice, this house was given to me by my parents. It won't be considered a marital asset. It literally is not your house. I did like being married to you but I don't need you. I'm perfectly capable of living on my own. I did for many years before we met. And I'm quite sure that after our divorce is final I'll find suitable or maybe not so suitable women to date. Since picking a woman solely for her INTELLIGENCE didn't work out for me, maybe next time I'll pick someone that I'm actually attracted to."
She looked hurt by my last statement. "But Samuel," she said as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Where will I go?" she asked.
"Perhaps you can move in with the gorilla," I said. "Now excuse me, Alice but you have packing to do and I really must put something on my lip. It's beginning to swell. If I don't see you before I leave, good luck on your future endeavors. Make sure you leave the key on the counter."
So ended my first marriage. Alice was all broken up by it and began calling me and stopping by to talk, all during the process. I was adamant though and the divorce proceeded with all due speed.
The judge ruled in my favor and I got the house. We were ordered to split all of the marital assets 50/50 and I didn't have to pay her a dime since we were both employed and doing the same job.
It was perhaps a year later that my life got interesting. I was teaching the first day of my introduction to physics class when I noticed an interesting name on my class roster. Gregory Hawkes, was the gorilla from my hot tub scene with Alice. He was in my class. Not that I intended to be cruel to him or use my position to make his life difficult but it was interesting.
As the class filed in and took their seats I looked out at the room full of young impressionable faces. Some of these students could go on to become important people in the world of science. Others would drop out before mid terms.
There are many different types of particles that make up the matter that composes the universe. There are just as many different types of people. I'd just started my introductory lecture with that astounding fact when it was proven before my eyes.
A young woman walked into my class a few moments late. She was a bit on the shorter side and a little bit chunky. She had lank short brown hair and large glasses. She was wearing loose fitting yet comfortable blue jeans. As she picked out a seat she stumbled on the loose board that I'd asked several times to have fixed. Her book-bag flew through the air and she took a tumble but being young and wiry she suffered no ill effects except for a temporary loss of dignity.
"Hey watch it," said one of the guys near her. She apologized and started picking up her belongings. There was a lot of mumbling going on in the middle row where she sat. Some of the students were upset about clumsy people interrupting the lecture.
A few minutes after she was settled, the exact same sequence repeated itself. A female student, late for class walks in, stumbles on the board her stuff goes flying. Only this time the results were different. This time the student was Chavonne Robinson. Chavonne Robinson was a horse of a different color.
Chavonne is tall for a girl at 5'11. She was also no tiny petite little thing. Chavonne is more like an Amazonian goddess brought to life. She is also beautiful. Think Wonder Woman with a Tenessee accent. She has long dark almost black hair that shines. She has the clearest blue eyes you've ever seen. Her breasts are huge and her ass is proportionate. Her waist is small in comparison and her legs are very long and sculptured. Did I already mention her soft southern accent? It should be mentioned twice because it's a big part of her sexiness. She also has a really beautiful smile.
The reaction to Chavonne's near tumble was markedly different. As she opened the door several guys noticed her tight jeans and the way her ass looked in them. They immediately warned her about the loose board.
As if they'd planned it, at least two of them dove for her and tried to catch her as she fell. Though they prevented her from hitting the ground her belongings still flew. No less than four guys leaped up to help her pick them up while she stood there and watched. Several others pointed out empty seats near them and offered notes of everything she'd missed thus far.
That was the first time I saw Chavonne Robinson and I remember it to this day.
Chavonne was not a rocket scientist but she worked as hard as she could. I'll bet you thought I was going to say she worked her ass off. As a scientist I've learned to say things as factually as possible and that woman had too much ass to work off in one term.
She got to class early and stayed late. She joined every possible study group. I know you're thinking that she was going to be brilliant and I'd become her mentor and we'd fall in love, but this is reality. Chavonne was not doing well in my class and she wasn't really smart.
After a particularly bad exam, I suggested she might benefit from a tutor and suggested several. She smiled at me and asked if I might tutor her myself. I smiled back and told her that I didn't tutor and I actually only taught an introductory class once in a blue moon because it was a requirement. I gave her a list of both professors and students who did tutor though.
I saw Chavonne again at a faculty/student mixer that the Physics department had about a week later. I was playing scrabble with three others including two students and another professor. Someone leaned over my shoulder to look at my letters.
I remember smelling both vanilla and lavender, it was enchanting. Then there was a curtain of dark hair and the softest thing I'd ever felt pressed itself into my back. I was instantly rock hard. My glasses started to fog up too. I almost forgot about the game. I looked at the other players and they were in awe.
"May I watch professor," asked Chavonne. God I loved that accent.
"Please do," replied the other players before I could get my wits about me.
As I turned to respond to her I noticed the angry face of my ex wife glaring at me from across the room. Occasions like this were her favorite times to broach the subject of us getting back together. I suppose I should have been above things like that but I couldn't help picking on her a bit, so I moved over and allowed Chavonne to sit beside me and share my seat.
I expected her to sit there for a few minutes and move on to something more interesting but she stayed for the entire game.
When I got ready to leave she gave me a hug and whether or not it was intentional she pressed those incredible glands of hers into me again. It was the first overtly sexual thought I'd had since my divorce. She actually reminded me that there was a difference between the genders. Even my wife had never gotten that reaction from me.
As I headed to the parking lot and my car Alice came up behind me.
"Sam, was that her? Is that what you like? Is she the one you've been fucking since you threw me out of our home?" she was very upset.
"Hello Alice," I said. "It's good to see you too."
"Don't play coy with me Samuel," she snapped. "That girl was all over you. And the way she looked at you. It was disgusting. Okay you've had your fun. You got back at me. Can we talk now?"
"Talk about what Alice?" I asked.
"About getting back together and me moving back into our house," she said.
"Why would we talk about that?" I asked. "It isn't going to happen."
"But we're even," she said. "I had a fling. You're having a fling. Now we can get back to the way things are supposed to be."
"Alice, I'm not having a fling," I said. "I barely know Miss Robinson. She's in one of my classes. And even if I did have a fling, two wrongs don't make a right."
"That's either Biblical or Anecdotal," she said. "As such neither are valid points of scientific reference. So how about this, two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. So you go ahead and fuck the girl with the big jugs, then you find another one. That way I'll have had a fling, and you'll have had two. We'll be more than even."
"It's not going to work Alice," I said.
"Why not," she asked.
"When you and I got together, it was for all of the wrong reasons," I said. "I picked you out because you were smart and rational and came from great stock. You were, so I thought, even tempered and responsible."
"All of those sound like great reasons," she said.
"But Alice, next time I get involved it's going to be for love," I said.
She looked at me as if I was retarded and then started laughing.
I didn't just go out and start looking for a woman; I don't think I'd have known how if I tried. I also didn't start signing up for every internet dating service I could find.
Actually I didn't do anything. Maybe I trusted to the universe to provide me with something. It was probably two weeks later that I walked out of my lab and fell as I headed for the parking lot. As usual I'd been walking and reading at the same time and simply wasn't paying attention where I was going.
As I got up to see what I'd fallen over, I was surprised to see Chavonne sitting there. Even worse she appeared to be crying for some reason.
"I'm sorry Miss Robinson," I said. "Did I hurt you badly?"
"No Professor, you barely touched me," she said.
"Then why are you crying?" I asked.
"It's a long story," she said.
"I have a considerable amount of time," I said. "And no reason to be anywhere until class tomorrow."
"Professor, I don't want to load you down with my troubles," she said.
"It's the least I can do," I explained. "I just fell all over you."
"If only," she said.
"What?" I asked. She just shook her head.
"Why don't we go and get something to eat and you can tell me about it," I said. "I promise that I'll take us somewhere that's away from campus."
"Why would you do that?" she asked.
"So you don't have your reputation damaged by being seen with an old fuddy duddy," I said. "I know I'm not cool."
She just laughed. "Professor you're more than cool enough for me," she said.
I still drove us off campus. We went into town and ended up at Sleepy Joe's Cafe.
"This is nice," she said. "It's kind of homey. It feels really comfortable."
"I eat here a lot," I said. "Since my marriage ended a little over a year ago. I just can't find the motivation to cook or do a lot of things like that."
"I'm sorry professor," she said. "I'm so busy worrying about my problems that I'd forgotten that everyone has troubles. That's why I didn't want to unload on you in the first place."
She just reached out and grabbed my hand. "It'll get better," she told me.
"Oh I'm fine," I said. "I divorced her. There were no painful feelings. Our marriage hadn't ever been based on emotional attachments. It was based on practicality and INTELLIGENCE."
"Well no wonder it fell apart," she laughed. "Actually I've seen your wife. I don't think she likes me. I just can't picture the two of you together. I see you as a diamond in the rough Professor. Just a little touch up here and there and you'd be beyond sexy, but she's just rough."
By that time I was becoming uncomfortable talking about it. "So Miss Robinson would you like to tell me a little bit about your situation?" I asked.
"Basically I'm homeless," she said. "Last week, the place I'd been staying was closed down by the health department. I've been staying with a friend but I found out that the friend wants more than I can give to stay there any longer. So now I have nowhere to go."
"Don't you have other friends or relatives in the area?" I asked.
"Nope," she said. "There's no one. I even tried to see if I could possibly find a job and get into the dorms. I'm on the waiting list but there are a bunch of people ahead of me."
"Perhaps I could rent you an apartment for a month or so," I said "Until the dorms open up."
"Professor, I'm not trying to hit on you for charity," she said. "But thank you so much for offering. I just like to pay my own way."
Our food arrived and we started to eat it. A few minutes later Greg Hawkes walked into the cafe and started looking around. When his eyes settled on Chavonne he came over to us.
"Hey professor," he said sitting down. "Chavonne are you ready to go home?"
"I told you, I'm not coming back to your apartment, Greg," she snapped. "I'll find somewhere else to go."
"Suit yourself," he said. "It's gonna be cold tonight, and you already owe me. Better get there before I fall asleep." He left and she just started crying again.
"Miss Robinson," I said. "Stop crying and eat your food."
"I'm trying professor," she said. "But I don't know what I'm going to do."
"You're not going home with him," I said. My hatred for Greg Hawkes was finally beginning to come out.
"You're coming home with me," I said. "And I won't charge you any rent. You can work off your room and board."
She looked at me as if she was shocked. "Well I'd probably like it better with you anyway," she said.
An hour later we were pulling into my driveway. She looked around the house and saw the pool and the infamous hot tub. When we got inside, she loved the house under all of the clutter and mess.
I gave her the tour and showed her around the house. All of her clothes and books were in bags that she'd retrieved from the campus on our way over. I showed her the kitchen, the living room, the office, the media room, the laundry, the deck and my bedroom. When she started putting her stuff down, I looked at her strangely.
"What's wrong professor?" she asked.
"Miss Robinson, this is my bedroom," I said. "Your room is down the hall on the other side of the house."
"Sorry professor," she said smiling. "Your house is beautiful."
"It's a bit of a mess, I'm afraid. But that's where you come in," I said. "You can do the cleaning and if you wouldn't mind, we could share the cooking duties."
"I'll cook too, Professor, she smiled," It's the least I can do."
I showed her to her room. "Please feel free to make any changes you'd like," I told her. I was about to close the door when she came running over to me and kissed me on the cheek.