Rainey's Song Ch. 08

When her final class drew to an end, she breathed a sigh of relief even though the professor pointedly announced that outlines for the first papers were due next Monday. In fact, all three of her current professors were piling on a lot of work pretty early in the quarter. Now, on top of being preoccupied by thoughts of Aidan, she started to stress a little about the amount of work she had. She had a tough schedule this term, taking three two-hour literature courses. Her plan had been to get those out of the way so she could focus on creative writing courses during the next school year. She almost wished she'd thought ahead to the amount of reading and paper-writing she'd now have to do.

It was getting dark outside by the time Rainey emerged from the Language Arts building.

A stiff, chilly breeze reminded her that despite the early April blue skies, it was still spring and she'd forgotten to wear a jacket.

Also thanks to her preoccupation with Aidan.

Six hours and three classes into her first day of the spring quarter, she still didn't know exactly what to think about him. She got the sense that Aidan, even though he was definitely more experienced than her, was uneasy about a relationship. He'd even seemed uncertain about his attraction to her, early on. Yes, there was a definite shift in their relationship last night, but she wasn't certain what it meant, really. The last thing she wanted to do was assume anything, maybe scare him away. She'd rather have him in her life in some way, than not at all.

Of course, she admitted to herself, it would hurt like hell if, after all of this, he went back to his 'let's just be friends' routine, but she could at least try to handle that. Although, it would definitely meant she could never let him kiss her. Ever again. She was only human, after all.

Somehow, though, she suspected that they weren't going down that road again. Too much had happened between them so far. She smiled, suddenly excited for no good reason. Well, no reason besides Aidan.

Just to get her mind off of him for five straight minutes, she started to mentally tally up all of the homework she already had to take care of. Thirty seconds later, the sheer amount of work she had to do finally hit her. She sped up. If she had an early dinner, she could get in a good two hours of research at the library.

Wrapping her arms around her for warmth, she shivered in the breeze, ducking her head to keep the wind from blowing her hair into her eyes. She headed for the cafeteria, counting her footsteps in an attempt to take her mind off the chilly wind.

Her phone rang. She seriously considered not answering it because it meant untucking her arm, but she did anyway. Excitement bubbled through her when she saw the name on the caller ID. Aidan.

"Hi," she said, pulling strands of windblown hair from her mouth.

"How are you?" As always, his voice devastated her body, even when it was only over the phone.

"Kind of cold, actually," she said. "I just left my last class."

"Maybe you should think about investing in a proper jacket. That might solve your problem." He sounded amused.

Rainey laughed. "Who said I wasn't wearing a jacket? For your information, I'm wearing a freaking parka," she joked. "Anyway, it's not my fault Seattle's so cold in April. It's unnatural."

"Hmm," he murmured. "I really like your jeans."

"Wh…what?" She stopped mid-stride, peering around. "Where are you?"

"At my apartment."

"You liar," she laughed.

"Name-calling? Not very nice."

"Neither is stalking people."

"Hey," he protested, "I'm not stalking you. I just happen to enjoy a good view—but I suggest you turn around. Someone's about to bump into you."

Without thinking, she spun around and ran nose-first into a hard, broad chest.

"Sorry, I…" The words died on her lips when she saw the face belonging to the chest she'd just run into.

Smiling down at her, Aidan gave that familiar, lazy grin. "You have a habit of losing your balance," he teased. "Lucky for you, I'm always around to catch you."

She couldn't stop smiling, damn him. He'd been on her mind all day and now that he was here, a bubbly happiness rose inside her. "What are you doing here?" she asked, closing her cell phone. "Besides stalking me?"

His grin widened. "I was going to call you, but I ran into Karen in the parking lot. She told me you should be getting out of class around now, so I decided to wait you out." Falling into step next to her, he wordlessly slid her messenger bag from her shoulder and carried it. "Where are you headed?"

"I was going back to my room but I have so much stuff to do, I think I'm just going to grab some food and camp out in the library."

"Already? Classes just started." He wrinkled his nose and she had the strongest urge to stretch up and kiss it.

Instead she shrugged. "Tell that to my professors. They're not taking it as easy on us poor freshman anymore."

He glanced at her with a small smile. "I've got the perfect cure for too much homework."

"What cure? If it's anything like the way you deal with hangovers, I think I'll pass," she teased, despite the fact that she was shivering from head to toe. When he looked at her like that, just like always, a bloom of longing spread its fingers across her body. It wasn't just a simple longing, though. It was a desire for Aidan. Just Aidan. And the feeling wasn't a new one. It had been growing for weeks.

"Watch it," he warned with a mock scowl. "I believe we settled the frozen peas debate this morning. Unless you'd like another go."

She had to fight back the not-so-convenient images of his mouth on her breasts that morning. "No, I'm good. So, what's your homework cure?" she stammered, pleased that she'd managed to respond despite the fact that her mind had turned into a carnal slideshow.

"Chocolate." He wiggled his eyebrows at her temptingly. "I know this great dessert shop…"

Rainey rolled her eyes. "That's not a cure. That's a reaction to having too much homework." She bit her lip. "Besides, I can't go. I mean, I want to. I really, really want to, but I have a paper outline to work on and a test to study for. And I have to come up with a presentation topic for my—"

Surprising her, Aidan stopped, pulling her next to him. He stared down at her, seemingly oblivious to the other students who had to walk around them. Then his eyes went to her mouth.

"I forgot something," he whispered.

"What?" she breathed.

Before she even got the word out, he leaned down and kissed her. At first it was gentle, like their kiss that morning had started, but almost immediately, he opened his mouth over hers, pressed inside, silently demanding that she kiss him back.

For a very brief moment, Rainey's mind remained rational. They were kissing in the middle of the pathway on her college campus while dozens of people—students and professors—passed them. Her hesitation disappeared when Aidan's hands sank into her hair and he used it to gently pull her closer to him. Then, her hands went around his waist, underneath the rustly fabric of his unzipped windbreaker, basking in the warmth emanating through his shirt.

She had no idea how long they stood like that, completely oblivious to the world around them. Then, from what seemed like far away, someone hooted and Aidan finally stepped back, his lips lingering on hers.

He ran his thumb over her swollen bottom lip and smiled at her. "I forgot to say hi," he said. "Hi."

She swallowed. Hard. "Hi." Her voice sounded all shaky, even to her.

Linking his fingers with hers, he started them walking again. After a few steps, she realized they were going in the opposite direction. Away from her dorm and the cafeteria. And the library. She tugged at his hand. "Aidan, wait—I really, really have to work on this paper."

"You sure?" he asked, his thumb making slow circles on her palm. "Because I know this place out in the U-District. All they sell is dessert. They have this chocolate layer cake…three kinds of chocolate." He grinned. "An obscene amount of chocolate, really. I'd be willing to share a slice with you. But if you have to work on that paper, I guess I understand."

She groaned in defeat, allowing him to tug her along after him. "You so don't play fair,
she muttered, but she was grinning.

****

They drove north, to the young, hip neighborhood surrounding the University of Washington campus. Aidan, convincing her that dessert wasn't nearly as good unless some kind of dinner preceded it, took her to an odd little food stand. It was actually a converted railroad car out of which a Jamaican man who called himself Sweety Lou, sold hot dogs to the university crowd.

After buying their food, they went for a walk. Though the wind had died down, it was still chilly and Aidan gave her his jacket. They walked along, side-by-side, aimlessly traversing U-District side streets. Rainey allowed herself to pretend that they were just another couple, out for an evening walk. That's what it felt like, actually. But things still weren't perfectly clear for her. What did Aidan showing up mean? Did he, like her, want to take the next step in their relationship? Pushing the uncertainty aside, she pretended there weren't any questions or complications between them. They were simply together. Happy.

"You haven't even taken a bite of your hot dog." Aidan's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Glancing down at the foil-wrapped hot dog in her hand, she gave him a sheepish smile.

"I'm a little nervous," she admitted. He'd talked her into ordering one of Sweety Lou's specialties: a polish sausage topped with bell pepper and cream cheese.

Laughing at her apprehensive expression, Aidan stopped and peeled back the foil wrapper for her. "Come on," he cajoled. "Take a chance. I've been eating these things for ages and I haven't keeled over yet."

Unable to deny him when he was practically feeding her, she took a tentative bite. It wasn't bad. In fact, it was surprisingly good. "I think I owe Sweety Lou an apology," she announced, taking another, more enthusiastic bite.

Aidan let out a bark of laughter as they started walking again. "See? Now you can tell your grandkids all about how you experimented in college."

She laughed at him, but didn't respond. She was too busy enjoying her hot dog. Cream cheese, she mused. Who knew?

Aidan, having devoured his own hot dog minutes before, seemed anxious. He kept glancing over at her, but said nothing. After the fourth or fifth time, she caught his gaze.

"What?"

"I'm just wondering when you're going to finish that," he gestured to her food. "I've been dying to hold your hand."

It was an absolute surprise to her that she didn't melt into a pile of nerves and girly giggles right then and there. Instead, she managed to say, "I-I'm done."

Taking her wrapper from her, Aidan found a trashcan. Then, with deliberate gentleness, he took her hand. He gave her a slow, lazy smile as he rolled up the too-long sleeve of his windbreaker and laced his fingers through hers.

"Much better," he said in a low voice. He squeezed her hand for a second, before resuming their walk.

How was she supposed to function on a normal level when he did things like that? It seemed humanly impossible for her not to want to pull him to her and kiss him breathless. But to be honest, her brain simply wouldn't shut up; she still wasn't entirely sure what this all meant.

He'd shown up out of nowhere and asked to spend time with her but their conversation so far had been light and simple; a little flirtatious, yes, but that was it. She didn't want to overanalyze things but, with the heat of his palm seeping into her hand, she swore she could feel his heartbeat and she knew, more than ever, that she wanted to be with him.

As if he'd heard her thoughts, he looked down at her and grinned.

"Come on. I want to show you something."

Speeding up, he urged her along next to him. Scrambling to keep up with his pace, Rainey lost all sense of direction as he lead her down several, increasingly dark streets, and even over a low hedge, until they emerged onto a sloping grassy embankment dotted with cherry blossom trees.

"Careful," Aidan warned, helping her down the gentle hill in the growing darkness. "There's some loose dirt and pebbles down further."

"Where are we?" she asked. Away from the streetlights, the darkness was deeper and she could barely make out Aidan's form only inches away from her.

"The west edge of the university campus," he told her. She heard his foot skid in the pebbles he'd warned her about. His grip on her hand tightened protectively. "Hold onto me."

Finally, they made it to the bottom of the hill. She couldn't see much besides the inky outline of trees and, in the distance, what she thought might be a meandering stream.

"It's weird," Aidan was saying, as he led her forward. "During the day, this place is just swarming with people. But at night, you could almost be out in the middle of the country. No one around for miles."

"Don't say that," she begged, a little on edge because of the complete, inky darkness.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shivered. "It's just so dark out here. It seems like a pretty convenient set-up for a horror movie. If some guy comes out of nowhere with a chainsaw or a hockey mask, you're on your own."

Laughing, he pulled her into the shelter of his body. "I promise you'll escape in one piece. I just want to show you something."

They edged cautiously toward what, Rainey could now see, was a slow-moving stream. Silvery moonlight slid along its surface in a liquidy caress. A few of the nearby cherry blossom trees were serenely reflected in the water, their rippling images on the stream's surface seemed almost black-and-white.

"This is beautiful," she breathed, touching a hand to Aidan's where it brushed her shoulder.

"I know," he said. "Now I just need to find…oh, there is it." He slightly altered their course, heading toward the water. As they grew closer, a small, wooden footbridge spanning the stream materialized out of the darkness.

They walked out onto it and Aidan helped her sit down next to him, their feet dangling over the edge, less than a foot above the water's surface. Clear, unbroken silence wrapped around them; the kind of silence that Rainey hadn't heard since she'd moved to the city for college. A peaceful, languid sort of calm settled over her. She let her head fall to rest gently on his shoulder.

In the stillness, Aidan took a deep breath, readying himself to say what he needed to say. Part of him just wanted to sit there in the quiet, listening to the water, feeling the heat of Rainey's body next to his. He was afraid of complicating things with her, but he also knew, finally, that if he didn't complicate things, Jean was right—he would always wish he'd given it a shot.

"So," he broke the silence, "I didn't get to tell you last night, but I'm glad you came over." He took a breath. "The last thing I'd ever want is for things to be weird between us. After what happened on Saturday."

"I know," Rainey said. She was so close to him, he felt her facial movements against his arm.

He continued. "I mean, I told you a while ago that I consider you a friend…" Rainey sat up abruptly and, realizing that she thought he was backing away from her again, he grabbed her hand. "But that's not entirely true," he said quickly. "I mean, we are friends, but there's more than that." He paused, brought his free hand up to caress her cheek. "There's more to us." His gaze was intense, even in the dark. "Isn't there?" He looked down at her, loving the shadowed curve of her cheek and the way the moonlight caught and held on a few strands of her hair. He had an idea of what she'd say, but he held his breath anyway.

"Yeah. There's more to us," she answered. The clarity of her voice shot through him; he let out a silent gush of air.

"Good." When he leaned down to kiss her, she delighted him by tilting her head up for him. He wanted to go on kissing her, but not yet. He had more to say.

"So," he asked, wrapping her small hand in both of his, "how do you feel about taking things slow? Being more than friends…much more…and letting things progress from there?" Were his hands shaking? Or was it hers? Tightening his grip, he searched her face.

"I'm okay with that, Aidan." She squeezed his hand and he felt the gentle reassurance of the gesture flow into him.

He stared down at their hands, absently playing with her fingers. "I just don't want to screw this up. A…a few years ago, when I was around your age, I was in a pretty serious relationship. It ended badly. Really badly. I don't want to repeat that." His eyes searched for hers in the darkness. "I mean, you—"

"Haven't been in a relationship before," she finished for him. "Bad or otherwise."

He nodded. He'd always suspected her relationship experience was pretty limited, but hearing it aloud made him feel incredibly protective of her. Bringing her hand to his mouth, he kissed each finger. The last thing he wanted was for their relationship to be a negative experience for her. More than anything, he wanted to make her happy and that scared him because along with that desire came the self-doubt he'd learned so well since Julia.

Still, he had to try. "We'll figure it out as we go, then. How's that sound?"

"Sounds good." Her voice came to him in the dark and he felt some of the weight he'd carried over the years lessen.

"Good." He pressed his lips to her forehead as she once again rested her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, enjoying the pleasant quiet that, like the darkness, embraced them from all around.

After a while, he asked. "Do you know who Imogen Cunningham is?"

Against his shoulder, shook her head.

"But you've heard of Ansel Adams, right?"

To Rainey, these seemed like odd questions out here in the darkness, but she nodded.

"A famous photographer, right?"

Aidan kissed her temple this time, clearly delighted by even that limited photography knowledge on her part. "Yeah," he said. "He's possibly the most famous photographer. Imogen Cunningham was one of the first famous female photographers. In fact," he continued, "she, Ansel and a few others helped found the photography department at the Museum of Modern Art. She went to school right here on this campus."

His voice was hushed, full of an awe that made Rainey want to kiss him. His passion for photography was such a vibrant, vital part of him. "That's pretty amazing," she offered. "I didn't know the university had that much history."

"Most people don't," he said. "Just like most people don't know how great of an artist she was. She gets lost in Ansel's shadow, a lot. She took one of her first photos here on the campus. Somewhere where these cherry blossom trees are now. It probably created quite a stir, at the time."

"Why's that?"

He flashed her a boyish smile. "It was a nude self-portrait."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, now I see why you like her so much," she teased. "Full-frontal nudity."

Laughing, he played along. "Well, there's that, and because her work is just so ethereal." His body, pressed up against Rainey's, vibrated with enthusiasm. "She did botanicals and these amazing portraits. A lot of them have this intense, dream-like quality to them. But at the same time, they're…" he searched for adequate words, "they're sexual and unapologetic and innocent, all at the same time. You can almost see them breathing."

This time, it was Rainey who shivered. She was watching his face, reduced to shadowy angles of brow, nose and cheekbone. She knew, with absolute certainty that a more handsome man could not possibly exist.