Reflections of a Dominant Wife

My experience as the controlling force in my husband's life is certainly not unique, but I do believe that the way I guide our lives works so well that it is worth sharing. As is the case with many of your wives, I did not have any idea that BDSM, when used by a loving wife within a female-led marriage, could be such an effective way of improving my marriage and my life. I know lead the kind of life many women only dream of living. My husband is a caring and devoted submissive who spends a great deal of energy focusing on how to serve and please me. He is my devoted slave, although his life still contains many and varied tasks and activities that allow him to pursue his dreams and goals in the world that exists outside of our home.

We have been married for twenty years and had our ups and downs during the first eight years of our marriage. During that time I was not able to give my husband the loving guidance and direction he truly needs because I was unaware of both my power and my responsibility.

How I found out about his need to submit and my ability to lead our marriage is not nearly as important as the journey that has resulted. I began tentatively, but in time I realized that what was best for him was a regimen based on my absolute control of almost every area of his life. He is still a "man," if you are worried, but he is a man whose wife loves him enough to provide the strict supervision he needs. When we are alone he is kept naked or in something skimpy and sexy. When he is wearing his slave collar he must ask permission for everything and thank me for each moment of humiliation and every instance of pain acceptance.

The starting point was when I learned how powerful was his need to be sexually submissive. It embarrassed him to admit to his needs because he thought they were so strange and deviant that I would lose all respect for him and leave. And at first I too had many reservations about what it "meant" to have my husband want to be treated in such a way. But I am an intelligent woman and once committed to providing the control, I approached it with a reasonably open mind and heart. I'm so glad I never told him something he wanted was too much for me, because at this point it is me who sees the value in ever increasing demonstrations that he is mine so completely. I am the one who made him bend over the bed and hold a candle in his ass while I sipped wine and read a book by candlelight.

Obviously I am happy enough with the results that I have forced him even further into submission than he ever dreamed possible. First I have a husband who is devoted to me with his entire being. He cleans, dusts, does laundry, yard-work, maintains the cars, picks up the cleaning, etc. I take advantage of his need for my control because it's not only fun but actually best for him.

Lovemaking is wonderful and just the way I want it. I have never enjoyed intercourse as much as some women so I've limited the frequency, but I have greatly increased the number of orgasms I expect from his eager mouth and fingers. I also completely love watching him on his knees --- naked, erect and needy, using a vibrator on me until I climax just the way he has been trained.

That he is eager to please should not be news, but what is very important to me is that he is getting the love and attention he needs at his core. He claims his performance at work has improved and I have the bonus checks in the bank to prove it. He is also simply happier, his dirty, dark, secret need has become even dirtier and darker because I love the effect it has on him.

I began by limiting his orgasms and having him complete a weekly list of tasks, typically housework. As his training has progressed, I have added more to what he is expected to give as my servant and taken further liberties with his body and mind. He needs the control I offer and he often requires direct supervision to insure he behaves the way I wish.

In no particular order I will list some of the more important tools and techniques I use to teach and train him:

1. I strictly control his orgasms as well as every other bit of sexual pleasure he receives. That includes constantly reminding him of his inability to orgasm until he receives permission as well as more sadistic tease and denial sessions. At present I do not see the need for long term chastity because I do love him and enjoy how powerfully he cums for me. However, a frustrated male is an obedient male and so I rarely allow more than two orgasms in a week.

2. Each orgasm should be a way to reinforce who and what I am and who and what he is to me. Forcing him to lick up and swallow his cum as part of the price he must pay for each orgasm has an absolutely amazing effect. And to be honest I never would have thought that watching the man I love obediently lick up cum would be anything other than sick and disgusting, a sure sign he was gay. The truth has been that I love it! He is so vulnerable to me in these moments that he is trusting me with his whole world. Occasionally I even resort to calling him my little cum-slut, a word guaranteed to get a reaction.

3. One of the hardest things for me to learn was that discipline is an absolute must. If possible, it should be immediate. It should always be unpleasant. At first the idea of spanking him seemed ridiculous to me. Now I regularly use a belt, wooden spoon, or hair brush to warm his ass until he occasionally has broken down crying. I am not that cruel, and the crying is from a combination of the pain and the emotional failure of knowing I am unhappy with him and his behavior. He craves my love and cannot stand the thought of disappointing me. He also fears the pain of my displeasure. At times I've denied him the right to touch me or cut him off from orgasms for some period of time. But I am careful when using chastity as a punishment. He has learned that keeping him from orgasms is a way that I can express my love for him. He even accepts that it is best. I have no wish for his little boy brain to confuse him, and so I prefer whipping as the preferred method of correction. I also will admit that being strict is best, and never ever allow him to get out of being punished. This will improve his behavior and has the nice effect of making him jump when you enter a room.

4. I also deal with his male pride by using slight feminizing techniques I've picked up over the years. He does not dress as a woman, and I don't want him to either, but I have used things like panties, forcing him to use woman's deodorant, having him keep his cock and balls neatly trimmed and occasionally shaved, etc. to reinforce his submission. A slight femme approach is even better when the man is anything but girl-like.

5. I have recognized that part of his drive is the rush of feelings that flood over him when he is in a humiliating place or position. I have sexualized these desires by having him associate his orgasms with humiliation. My favorite activity of bringing him right to orgasm and then stopping also puts him in his place. I will then use some light verbal humiliation to excite him even further. His body has associated acts of submission with sex, and that is very useful to me. For instance, I recently had him shave completely and then made him wear a skimpy pair of very tight boxer briefs. After commenting on how pretty he looked I sent him to clean the kitchen. He spent the next four hours scrubbing and cleaning until it absolutely shinned. I occasionally walked in to supervise and pointed out each mistake. He worked even harder, knowing that if I found too many issues punishment would be administered. When he was done I allowed him to curl up next to me on the couch while I watched television. As a reward he was allowed to suckle a breast gently while I relaxed.

6. His balls are not as delicate as your husband would have you believe. Squeezing them can be very painful, but I have found that tying them off and using the end of the piece of rope as a leash to be very effective. The rope seems to make him very sensitive to either pain or pleasure. I have found I am quite the sadist, and have used rope to attach weights to him, making him stand there and take the pain and humiliation for me. I have even put the sharp end of my hair clips right on his testicles. This one never stops from making me hot at the sight.

7. I have also found that using a gloved finger to violate his ass while he kneels obediently with his face into the bed to be a huge turn-on. The location of the prostate makes fingering his ass very pleasurable for him, but because he has been trained that real men don't do that, the humiliation value alone is worth the effort. I limit the frequency of these training moments and before I begin I make him thank me for his training after wards. I've also used an occasional dildo or vibrator on him but my finger is the thing he craves the most.

The more I humiliate and embarrass him the more submissive he becomes. I've come to enjoy what a submissive husband can offer that is far superior to some stereotype of what a "real man" is all about. We are closer than any couple I know and he is so attentive to my needs that I rarely have to ask twice for anything, and sometimes I don't have to ask at all.

I enjoy the power of owning him far more than I thought I would, but I also know it comes with responsibility. He must know that I am always watching, and that he will be punished for even a single mistake. He needs me more than ever and I am never forced to wait on him for anything.