by rpsuch
Lots of personality development here and good dialog. It is nice to have a published author contributing to our site.
Thought the first (and complete?) version was very good. Don't see a need to modify anything or split it in shorter parts. The only thing I would appreciate, I think, is another chapter in addition to your first version.
It will be great to see how you're modifying it after a few years.
Will be looking forward enthusiastically for your chapters yet to come.
GE