Sauce for the Goose

"But, I wouldn't have forced myself on her..."

Sam held up his hand. "The second reason, Elaine, was simply that I was nervous. You and I can't have kids--we had some tough times over that, remember? Seeing me suddenly show up with a daughter...well, I wasn't sure how you'd react. So, I was a bit chicken. I wasn't going to push Susan to meet you. But, we decided to do it today. That's why she's in the car."

Tom stuck his head in the room. "Elaine, I think I need to go. I thought you weren't really married anymore, but clearly that's not quite true."

Elaine glanced back and forth between the two men. "Ok, Tom. I think that's best. Sorry."

Tom glanced over at Sam, getting a cold glare in return. "I'm sorry; I thought things were different," he offered.

"Fuck you!"

Tom held a level gaze for a second, then nodded once, abruptly, and turned and walked back out. They heard the door to the suite close.

Elaine was silent for a while. "Your daughter...," she said quietly, "...I thought."

"I know what you thought."

"I was devastated."

"I know. I'm really sorry you felt that." He sat down on the edge of the bed. She grabbed his hands.

"Oh, Sam! Thank God you got here when you did. I know I kissed him, but it didn't go any farther than that, I promise. If you hadn't gotten home early... Or if I hadn't had this plan to wait until you saw my note and started calling... Sam, I swear nothing happened before you got here. You were in time." She reached up and took his hands and pulled him down to sit on the bed.

"I don't know how you found me; I was shocked when I saw you at the window. Oh God, it would have been a disaster. I would have fucked up our entire marriage. Oh Sam, I'm so sorry! Let me get myself together here and I can go meet her and we can go home."

He looked at her.

"I think you misunderstand, Elaine. I rushed here to try to put a stop to this because I still care for you. Regardless of what happens, I knew you'd never forgive yourself if you slept with that asshole and then found out the truth," he said, sliding his hands out of hers.

"But, we're not together anymore."

Her eyes widened in shock and she reached out toward him. He stood up and looked down at her.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, incomprehension all over her face.

"I'm leaving you, Elaine. I can't...actually, it's I won't...accept what you did."

"But, Sam, you have to understand, I knew you had..."

"No, Elaine, you didn't know! Short of walking in on us with my dick buried inside of her, you don't know. Not for certain. You assumed. And, based upon that assumption, you decided a whole lot of things."

"You decided I was a cheating bastard...those were your exact words, I believe."

"You decided you wanted out."

"You decided to fuck someone else while you were still married."

"Most of all, you decided to torture me mentally while you were fucking him."

Tears were spilling out of Elaine's eyes at this point. "Sam, no, I...I was hurt..."

He continued on, ignoring her protests.

"Those were the positive things you decided--there were also negative decisions."

"You also decided NOT to talk to me, even if only to hurl an accusation in my 'cheating bastard' face."

"You decided NOT to see if there was some other possible explanation for what was happening."

"Most of all, you decided did NOT to treat me with an iota of respect when you left me."

"That's not a partnership. That's not a marriage. That's certainly not love."

"Please, Sam, I made a mistake. It won't happen again. I've learned my lesson."

"It's not a 'lesson', Elaine. It's a statement of who you are. Even more important, it's a statement of who we are as a couple. There wasn't an ounce of 'us' in what you planned for me to be experiencing right this very second. That's not the kind of relationship I want. It's not the kind of relationship I deserve."

"Oh God, Sam, I'm so sorry! But, I saw you kiss her outside a motel. Anyone would have thought..."

"Yes, perhaps they would. If I saw you coming out of a motel with some guy kissing you, I'd probably jump to the exact same conclusion. In fact, I'm sure I would have. I don't fault you for that at all. Your suspicions were entirely reasonable and justified."

"But, then..."

He carried on, ignoring her interruption. "The difference is that I'd have sat you down and demanded that you explain exactly what you had been doing. I sure I'd have been angry. Furious! I might even have said a few things I would regret later and would have had to apologize for forever."

"But I'd have been talking. I'd have given you the chance to give me the alternate explanation...hoping you'd have one. I'd have trusted you enough to hope there was a chance of saving our marriage, that...even if it was the worst that had happened, that it was what I imagined...you would recognize it as a mistake and want to try to fix things. Maybe we wouldn't be able to fix it, but at least we'd have explored it."

"I wouldn't have gone out and screwed someone else to get back at you."

"Sam, I didn't screw him! Really, we just kissed a bit. Don't leave me for kissing a guy. I do want us to work! It will never happen again."

He looked at her, somewhat in disbelief. "First of all, you may have only kissed him, but the main event was going to happen, I think you said?" She cried out. "But, you don't get it. I'm not leaving you because you kissed him...or even, really, because you were going to fuck him...though, I admit, that would probably have done it, also..."

"No, the real reason is because you didn't value us enough to even talk to me...let's not even talk about trust me. You didn't want to know if I was sorry I did it, you didn't want to know if I still loved you, you didn't want to hang onto the marriage. You just wanted to hurt me."

"If you can't trust me...if you can't even try to communicate when you think that trust has disappeared...then I can't trust you."

"Sam, you can trust me!" she wailed.

"No, I can't. Now I know that, when you're certain you're right in your own mind, when you decide that there's no need to ask anyone else for their thoughts, you aren't going to be treating me as an equal. You're going to be making unilateral decisions and those can include inflicting unimaginable pain on someone you claim to love."

"Think about what images would have been going through my head right now if I hadn't found you. And you wanted me to be seeing those images. You wanted be home going crazy while you described every single thing you and Tom were going do."

With each word, she shrank down farther in the bed.

"Well, fine. You made your unilateral decision, now I'm making mine."

"I've loved you dearly. I still do because it's not something you can turn off like a switch. Even hating what you tried to do to me...what you did do to me...the love is there. I can't simply stop loving you..."

"...but, I intend to work on it."

"Oh my God, Sam," she pleaded, "please don't do this!"

But he had stopped listening. He looked down, slid his wedding ring off his finger and dropped it on the bed. Then, he turned and walked out the door.

She looked frantically around the room, trying to find her shoes so she could run after him. Her eyes fell on the clock.

At 6:07 on a Monday, Elaine watched her marriage come to an end.