Seamus Ch. 07

"You did make me better," I replied. My tongue lapped away the flavoursome tears from his skin. I loved the salty warmth floating on my tonguetip. Neill always tasted good, no matter what part of him I tasted, and swallowing his flavour made me feel somewhat possessive, like I was taking a part of him into myself. "You've spent the last two days looking after me. You made sure I ate, you rang the pharmacist and asked about my meds, you put me to bed, kept me company and even watched me sleep! Don't believe any of that shit I said last night, I owe you big time for what you've done for me!"

"Don't I know it." Neill's own tongue came out and met mine halfway, twisting and bonding to each other. We gently teased for a minute before I pulled back a little and started to work my way down his chest, gently tugging on each of his nipples with my mouth, my tongue whirling to cool the hot, tight nubs. Neill moaned and shook. I loved that I could give him such pleasure that he stiffened in my embrace, curling his muscles to prolong the sensation, then finally released his grip and softened so that his body once more fitted to mine, all in the manner of milliseconds. Each time I did it, I felt a corresponding fluctuant heat rush through my body. My heart skipped a beat.

Neill grabbed a handful of my dark hair and held my face to his skin as I worshipped his body. My fingers stroked over him, teasing and tweaking a response until he was writhing against me. His hard cock burnt against my abdomen. I desperately wanted to drag off his warm, crisp, cotton boxer shorts and feel the glowing pleasure beneath against my furry cheek and my soft lips. I had every intention that I would. Just as I started to tug down the wide, firm waistband, his hand stopped me. "Not yet."

He pushed me onto my back, sitting over my thighs. With a gentle fingertip, he traced around every large purplish bruise that mottled my chest. In places the skin was broken and there were tiny scabs from the spikes of Liam's rugby boots. I had discovered it the night before when I studied my injuries in the mirror. Still, it wasn't like it was the first fight I had been in. My stiff muscles were no longer shooting arcs of pain with every movement and their tenseness had relaxed somewhat. "I hate that he's done this to you," he whispered. "You know what I should have done yesterday?"

'Not again,' I thought. "You can't beat Liam up, Neill."

To hide the dark expression that flitted fleetingly across his face, he laughed. A brilliant smile lit every feature of his face. I saw the laughter ripple through his body, each tanned muscle of his torso contracting and releasing. His dark, round nipples glistened with my saliva, achingly hard and ready to be kissed again. I couldn't help but trace his skin with my fingers, cupping his hips with my hands. "As much as I want to, I didn't mean that. No, I meant that I should have-"

"Should have what?"

"Kissed my poor baby better," Neill teased. His head bent, blonde hair falling forward to brush my chest. I felt his lips murmur across my skin, wetting and manipulating my bruises with his light touch. I loved that gut-wrenching, heart-fluttering way he could make me feel, so that even the tiniest sensation was like a bolt of electricity running through my body. His touch is something that I could never get enough of.

I moaned and stiffened, running my fingers through his silky locks. "Just when did I become your poor baby?"

Neill made a small growling sound in the back of his throat, not unlike a suppressed laugh. I felt it vibrate through my skin, joining the pleasurable tingling heat that seemed to flow from every point of contact to my desperately hard cock. He raised his head while his fingers scraped down my boxer shorts. "I don't know." Then he grinned. "Actually, I do know. It's because you're the girl in this relationship."

"I'm the-" I exploded. "I am not! You're the one who collects old clothes and has long hair!"

"I don't have long hair, it's not like I'm able to tie it up in a ponytail," Neill snapped and laughed again. "Sorry, I've just been dying to say that. Come on, you shave every hair from the neck down, you must get some flack for that when you hit the showers after rugby!" You might be surprised, but about four or five other guys on the team did the same thing, and apart from a bit of harmless mockery, no-one ever said much about it all. To be honest, if someone had said something, I would be wondering why the hell they were looking in the first place.

I shivered as his hand wrapped around my thick, purple-capped erection. "I thought you liked it."

"Oh, I do," Neill whispered. "I just thought I'd point it out. I love how smooth you feel and well, come off it, neither of us are girly. You're just too easy to wind up."

"I am not!" I protested.

"Are too," he said. "Admit it, I know every single button to push to get you all hot and bothered."

Of course, Neill was right, but where's the fun in accepting that? In a solemn, mocking voice, I whispered, "You put too much faith in your abilities, Mr. Simmons."

"I do not, Mr. Fraser," he returned, with a smile. "I can read you like a book and I can get you protesting like you're on one of my picket lines with only a few movements of my mouth. Of course, I can also make you moan with pleasure using very similar tactics." His gentle fingertips rippled over the throbbing hardness encircled within his hand, catching a moan from my throat.

"Can you now?" I asked. "I should like to see that-"

A loud bang on the door interrupted us, followed quickly by a succession of smaller thud, not unlike extremely loud rain. "Anyone home?" A male voice queried.

I started to sit up, but Neill pushed me back down. "Ignore it," he hissed. "Whoever it is will bugger off if they don't hear any signs of life."

"Come on, Seam, Neill," the voice said. "I know you're in there. Open up." He tried the doorknob, but I had learnt my lesson and it was most definitely locked. Realising that, his fists struck the door again. "Seamus, open the fucking door, damn it!"

Seconds later, my cellphone began to ring again. I had left it lying on Neill's bedside cabinet, so it was within my grasp. 'Nate,' flashed across the screen. I showed Neill. "We really should talk to him properly," I whispered.

"Seamus, I know you've moved the phone, I could hear the sound change! Come on, let me in. I really gotta talk to you, I've been up all night, you know, thinking. And before you say it, yeah, I don't do that much! But damn it, I don't want to talk to you through this door," Nathan shouted, his fists made a dappling sound against the door as each individual knuckle hit wood. "Let me in!"

"Hold your fucking horses," Neill snapped. My cellphone suddenly stopped ringing. "Do you know how early it is? Some people are still trying to sleep!" I was glad that Neill seemed able to converse normally with Nathan, albeit through the door. The conversation the night before had been very uncomfortable for all of us, but I think his discomfort was the greatest, as he had sat most of the time with his head in his hands, barely speaking a word. Afterwards, he had cried a little when he thought I was asleep. It was really distressing for me to see. I had pulled him to me, enveloping him in a deep hug as I let emotion take its course.

Neill got up and set about finding some clothing to wear. In the end, he pulled a bathrobe from the wardrobe and wrapped himself up. His erection still managed to tent the thick white flannel. I pulled my boxers back over my hips and dragged on some sweatpants and a long rugby jersey. I couldn't make my arousal go down and I didn't really own anything that would cover and disguise it.

"Are you going to let me in or what?" Nate asked, in a much quieter tone.

"Just a fucking minute," Neill snapped, loudly enough that Nate could hear. I went and sat on my own bed and leant against the wall with my legs up. He walked over the door and unlocked it, a terse expression on his face. "Do you have to make so much noise?"

Nathan stepped inside, giving me an uneasy smile. He didn't wait to be asked, just naturally sat on the chair I had offered him the night before. "Sorry," he said. "Just needed to talk." Admittedly, he looked as though he hadn't slept. The pigmentation around his hooded eyes was greyer than usual and his skin excessively white. His black, red-streaked hair hung lank around his face, like anyone else's normal hairstyle, but it wasn't Nate. He hadn't even thought to mess it into his usual style.

Neill came and sat beside me. Nate's dark eyes flickered beneath their curtains of dark lashes, watching us intently but not making much contact with our faces. "Last night," he whispered. "Was a fucking big shock, okay? I wasn't really thinking straight and I didn't really- talk- to you guys at all. I just sort of listened and repeated what you said and- well, I went away pretty confused and I couldn't sleep a wink. I wanted to come back, but by that stage it was about three in the morning and I knew someone would bite my head off, or I'd be- you know, interrupting something, like I probably am this morning. I- I can go away again if you want, and we talk about this later."

I glanced at Neill. He was staring intently at his hands, a completely blank expression on his face. I'm not an observant person. I can't read subtle body language and I can't infer from what someone is saying what they really mean. I can't read minds! And reading Neill was like trying to read tea-leaves. It either couldn't be done or it took a skilled reader like Jill to do it! He should have trusted me with all the barbs of his past. I wouldn't have said half the things I did if I understood where he was coming from. "No, it's alright," I said. If Neill wasn't going to speak up and let me know what he thought, then I would have to make the decision for him.

"Well, I-" Nate began. He took a deep breath and his black eyes focussed on mine. I saw a strange look filled with complete bewilderment pass across his face. He started fiddling with his watch. "When did this happen, Seam? It feels like you've changed a lot and I didn't even notice it happening. You're my best friend... Why couldn't you tell me- stuff?"

"It's not the matter of telling anyone," Neill said, slowly. "You're the only one that knows and we'd like to keep it that way, at least 'til we get ourselves sorted out." His eyes rose to exchange a look with me. "Right?"

I nodded. "Yeah." Nate was still staring at me. "Look, Nate, it's not like we've changed at all-"

"Yes, you have!" Nate interjected. "Fucking hell, Seam, I didn't come here to yell, but don't you dare give me that shit about not being different! 'Cos you are, okay?"

"So what are you saying?" I asked. Those dark, hostile eyes glared at mine. There was something else hiding in his flushed expression, but for the life of me I couldn't tell what it was. "That I'm some freak and you don't want to have anything else to do with me or Neill in case our 'gayness' rubs off on you or some stupid shit like that? Real mature, Nate. I thought you were my friend!"

"For fuck's sake, Seam, I'm still your friend! I don't give a shit that you're gay or you swing both ways or whatever the hell else, I just- I just thought that I knew you- I thought you would tell me stuff that's going on! That's what friends do! I was straight up with you about Jill, why the hell couldn't you be straight up with me?"

Neill slowly climbed off the bed as if oblivious to the conflict around him. His face was red beneath the wealth of golden nape-length hair that fell across his face as he bent to drag open his drawers. There was a 'bang' as he slammed the drawer shut, dropping a pair of socks and a towel to the floor. He grabbed a pair of steel gray, belted dress pants and a shirt from the wardrobe. He picked up his handful of clothing and the towel, found his razor, shaving foam and shampoo and backed his way toward the door. "I've got work today and you know, this really doesn't concern me- I hope you guys can sort this out, but I've really got to go and have a shower now."

I wanted to yell at him to come back and support me instead of leaving me to pick up the shit like he always did, but he was already gone. Nathan continued to stare at me. "It's like you wanted to get caught, leaving the door unlocked like that! Fucking hell, Seam- What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Nate that's bull and you know it. Yes, I'm your friend and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about me and Neill, but I would have in time! Christ, I haven't even told my own father! And if I have changed, Nate- Well, I don't know. For a long time, I didn't know what the hell was going on with me either. I didn't feel comfortable with anybody; or myself, for that matter. I didn't notice myself changing, Nate. You're not the only one out of the loop, I was out of the loop myself!"

He plucked at his dark hair with his hands, watching me intently. The hard, furious expression on his chiselled face seemed to soften a lot. "Seamus, I'm not angry at you and I'm not saying you're a freak or any of that stuff and I know that I really have no right accusing you of stuff. I just- I don't know- It was a big shock, a big fucking shock- And that stuff I've been saying and- Seam, of course you're still my friend! I know that you're my friend! What the hell did you think I'd do? Kick your arse and refuse to talk to you just 'cos you- For goodness sake, man! Like I said, I've been thinking about this all night. I just want to understand why you feel like this, 'cos- No, I can't say that- Throughout this term, you have become increasingly withdrawn. I thought there was something going on with you, I just didn't know what. I just- I just want to be your friend again like when we were kids. I know this sounds all messed up like I'm trying to say a hundred things at once, but that's what my mind is like at the moment."

I didn't know what to say. I tried to smile, but it came out more of a grimace. "I'm sorry, Nate. Of course I want to stay friends with you. Hell, we met at kindergarten and we still haven't driven each other nuts or killed each other, have we? We get along good. I was going to tell you about Neill and me, just not yet, alright? I'm still adjusting and trying to figure out what's going on. I'm really sorry I didn't lock the door last night, I never, ever intended you to see me like that-"

"How do you know?" Nate interrupted. He had been looking at his fingers, still intent on destroying the strap of his Casio watch. Now his worried eyes rose to mine. The skin around them was beginning to flush red. His pale, full lips were attempting to smile, but his jaw could not stop trembling.

"Know what?"

Nate shook his head. "No, it doesn't matter." He averted his gaze to Neill's side of the room. His hooded eyelids and thick fan of eyelashes prevented me from seeing what was in his eyes.

"Yeah, it does," I said. "If there's something bothering you, you can tell me."

He kept shaking his head. "It's nothing, man. I just got angry..." Then he seemed to think better of it. "How do you know," he whispered, so softly that I could hardly hear him, "that you're gay." His big, black eyes pleaded with mine. "Cos, I think I might be too."

That struck me like a bolt out of the blue. I got up and stepped towards him. He nearly jumped out of his skin, so I just stood there in the middle of the carpet and waited. "What? Why?"

"I- I- really like Jill. Hell, I've fancied her for ages, like since the beginning of this year, but she- she was your girl, so I couldn't- She- She's so smart and so funny and- and she's drop-dead gorgeous! I really- I feel good when I'm near her- but- but- but, god, Seam, why the fuck couldn't you lock the door?" Tears were bleeding trails down Nate's reddened cheeks. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he flinched away. "Don't fucking touch me!"

"Nate, if you're happy with Jill, then you can't be gay," I said, slowly.

"You were happy with Jill!" Nate accused. "You made her happy! She's always fucking talking about you, you know, you and Neill and her and how much fun you guys have. You went off with her and Neill and you left me alone!"

"What are you getting at?"

Nate shook his head. "I don't know!" he roared. "My head's gone to shit! Yesterday, I was fine and then I walk in on you and Neill and everything goes down the fucking shitter! I really like Jill, so why the fuck did you have to fuck up my head like that?"

"I told you it was an accident! I have no intention of messing your head up or stealing Jill from you or anything like that, Nathan! I just don't understand what you're on about- you're not- please stop yelling and calm down," I pleaded. This time when I laid my hand on his shoulder, he didn't comment or pull away. He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, then sat with one hand over his mouth.

With a deep breath, he said, "I'm not- I saw- I-saw-you-with-him and- I got- It's fucking sick-I-know- I didn't jerk off, I'm not some fucking sicko wanker like-that- I just- God, Seam, I don't- I don't know why my head's all gone to shit- I spent about thr- three hours in and out of a fucking cold- shower- last night- and I don't know fucking what's gotten into me-" His voice was thick and unnatural. The tears were streaming hot and fast from his eyes. He wouldn't look at me.

"Oh, god, Nate, I'm so sorry," I whispered. I didn't know what to do. "Have you- have you ever felt like that about guys before?"

"No! Jesus fucking no!"

"Are you hard now?"

"Seamus! What the fuck would you want- Why the hell do you want to know that?" Nate glared at me, the tears and confusion momentarily forgotten.

"Then it was probably just some weird bodily reaction from breathing in pheromones or some voyeuristic shit like you get when you're watching porn," I explained. "It doesn't mean anything at all. Come on, it's gonna be alright."

He climbed hastily to his feet. His fingers grabbed my biceps tightly, like he was clinging to a life raft and about to drown. Tears stained his skin, leaving his eyes raw and frightened. Red lingered down his cheeks. He blinked twice, discharging more salty fluid to trace paths already forged.

"It's okay," I whispered. "Nate, you're not crazy. Your head's not going to shit. Everything's just fine."

"I s'pose so," Nate replied. Suddenly, he seemed to lunge toward me. His face loomed closer and closer, so quickly that I didn't have time to react. Firm, warm lips pressed against my unready, protesting mouth. An even hotter tongue dug between them, going in too deep, too fast. His thick sandpaper-like stubble grazed my skin.

My hands shoved him off. He'd taken my breath away, but not in a good kind of way. I was shocked shitless. "What the fuck, Nate? You can't pull shit like that with me!" I snapped angrily. "What the hell were you thinking? That 'cos I love Neill I must immediately want to kiss and fuck every guy I see! I don't cheat and I'm not fucking interested in you like that! How could you do that to me?"

"I- I don't know! I don't know!" he cried. "Fucking shit, I don't know! I wasn't-"

By that stage, I didn't care that he was crying like a small child. I didn't care that he was probably confused as hell. He'd just brought to the surface all the horrible things that Liam had tried and almost succeeded to do to me. "Get the fuck out, Nate!"

"No!" He tore at my shirt with frantic fingers. I rammed him across the room, as far away from me as possible. He tripped over his feet backwards and crumpled to the floor. "No, Seam, please- I didn't mean to!"

I stayed planted where I was. "What? You accidentally stuck your tongue in mouth? It was no fucking accident, Nate, so don't shit with me!"