All Comments on 'Secrets'

You're one of my favorite authors. Here, however, an old theme. Wife cheats, divorce follows, man has accident, former wife reunites with man at hospital, all gets "forgiven" and they live happily ever after.

Husband is, like it or not, a wimp here. Still, glad to see you still writing!

You carefully left our the secret included: cheating; lying; betraying; deceiving; turning her parents against him; and what amounts to an on going affair with the man who impregnated her because she "forgot" to use the condoms, she was going to make him use. No way in hell he should have ever been with her or touched her again. In all events and ways she totally betrayed him. She left him at the party and it was gone long enough for him to believe she had abandoned him, in all likelyhood already fucking before he blacked out and when home with Sherry. Nope the mental anguish she inflicted on him over the years while covering her own stupidity and betrayal was more than enough reason to ditch her completely. Nothing in the story gave any reason for them to be back together. Get this I loved you so much i fucked him and had his child and didnt have any with you.

Well written story that reminds us that we all have our secrets. But I understand Dan's response because that was a secret that wouldn't go away in time.

This story did nothing for me except leave me with an empty feeling in my gut.

Hard to believe this was written by magmaman; reading this drivel caused a caterwauling sound to build up to such a crescendo that by page 3 my ears were ringing.

First magmaman tale I actively disliked; everyone lays an egg once in a while I guess.

Sorry, I didn't like this one. At all.

All the rather cliche elements are there, including the ones that are simply "dealbreakers".

Wife does the nasty with the one guy her husband loathes. Check. (Those wives REALLY know how to pick em, don't they? They have some kinda radar that senses who their husband hates most?)

Wife has a VERY longterm affair with the one guy her husband loathes. Check. (She says she was only visiting her daughter, but where's the proof? It's only her words, and right now she's not to be trusted at all.)

Wife GETS KNOCKED UP by the one guy her husband loathes. Check.

Wife keeps her daughter a secret from her husband. Check.

Wife goes to her lover once her husband discovers she had been pregnant. Check.

Wife says TO HER HUSBAND, her lover is actually a nice, trustworthy guy. If that doesn't make your eyes roll until they pop out, stop reading.

About the ONLY thing she has NOT done is pass off her daughter as her husband's.

Waitasec...Sherry married Doug? The same Sherry who slept with a drunk and high Dan? Maybe I'm paranoid, but was that a trap by Doug to get Dana? Did Dana KNOW the circumstances? And afterwards she's FRIENDS with Sherry? WTF...

To continue, ofcourse, lonely hubby gets into an accident, and ofcourse, gets nursed back to health by ex-wife, who ofcourse has been oh so single. To conclude, husband admits that they both messed things up, putting 50% of the blame on him.

PS. Dan getting high and drunk at that party is...iffy. On the one hand, he did that to himself, on the other hand, he himself didn't smoke, but got the effects from the others. It's the same as plying a girl with booze until she's too passed out to resist.

Dana, on the other hand...Again, women in LW really know how to pick em, don't they? Maybe it was some kinda revenge on Dan for cheating on her? Wouldn't fit with Doug and Sherry setting up a trap for Dan though.

He divorcers her becasue...why exactly? He cheated on her, which means their relationship was now over. She slept with someone else and got pregnant. It happens.

She should have told him about Danielle; but still, it's not a deal breaker...in fact if that is the way he's going to be, Dana was better off without Dan.

No matter what, Dan is a pissant little baby who deserves to have his ass kicked. She would have been better off with Doug.

Just couldn't go with this one.

You started out with her chatting with the ex BF at a party and then went into the history of Dana and Dan, only to finish the story with them re-uniting?

A good Dana, whose BF let her mix with friends and smoke pot would have cared enough to keep other women away from her man. Fucking Doug the same night, she is a stone cheat.

As to Dan having trouble getting involved with another woman, I can relate, it happened to me and I still love the woman but would never go near her again (she wanted to) and it was years before I could enjoy another woman.

Taking Dana back, the memories will be there and the litle green monster will prevail, it will make their lives miserable.

She fucked up and knew it while she was doing it, drunk or not, she knew it and that now leads to a life of misery and hell. Much as Dan loved her, loves her - they will split again or live a life of tension and constant hurtful memories.

Not your usual Mag, but you wrote, I read it...thanks for the story!

They both made mistakes before they were married but she kept lying and betraying Dan while they were married and placed all the blame on him. Unforgivable. No way does the fact that Doug got bald and fat or that he was jealous of Dan after the fact make up for what Dana had done. She lied and lied and lied and had another man's baby. Dan should have stuck with Carla. An honest business relationship with a whore is better than a farce of a relationship with a lying and betraying woman who still maintains contact with Doug. Doug is such a nice guy that he fucked her without any protection knowing Dana was with Dan, got her pregnant and helped her lie to husband about everything. Dan is a fucking chump and Dana will screw him over again. She moved away to get away from the memories of her failed marriage and ended up living close to Doug but nothing is going on there. Lying Cunt!! There should be a sequel where Dan knocks up all of Doug's daughters when they turn 18.

Dan divorces her because Dana had been going to her lover and her secret daughter for years. She had been lying to her husband for years.

"He cheated on her, which means their relationship was now over."

Read the freaking story, dude. Dan got drunk and high BEFORE they were even married. They were boyfriend/girlfriend at the time. They made up, and THEN got married.

"She slept with someone else and got pregnant. It happens."

He cheated. It happens.

"She should have told him about Danielle; but still, it's not a deal breaker..."

Dan shouldn't have cheated; but still, it's not a dealbreaker...

Dan's a baby because he didn't like it when he found out his wife had been going to her lover for their entire marriage, and had secretly got knocked up by that lover even before her marriage? Yeah, he's such a crybaby. Would be no big deal if that happened to you, huh?

BULLSHIT! I would NEVER trust a cheating bitch like that again.

I just couldn't get into this story - Dan was screwed over big time and yet reconciliation - sorry he must be a saint.

a lot better than some of the other commenters did. I found it sad, though. So many wasted years! Two good people, and they caused each other so much unhappiness!

And really, most of the blame falls on Dana. For four years she kept secrets that no marriage could be expected to survive.

A well-written, absorbing story--just not a happy one, despite the ending.

Thanks, ohio

Yes, just a few. The rest of you simply do not take life's lessons well.

Fear of failure, fear of loss can cause people to do odd things. Then self recriminations can cause more.

While the character Dana thought she would marry the father by error of her child, she realized she could not.

Then with the man she wanted, fear of loss caused her to be untruthful. Yet was that secret one best kept? The flaw is that secrets beget secrets, lies beget lies. A union formed on lies is very weak.

Once Dan did know, he did exactly what she had feared he would.

Dan divorced her, doing what he thought he should instead of what he wanted. So much so he found himself unable to perform, deep inside damaged by his own mistakes.

Both then suffering from a decade of being nearly celebite?

And Dan, disliking Doug? Competition, jealousy there. Yet to find that Doug was also jealous of..him?

And lies can be forgiven. There is always room for healing, and yes, people do change. That was the example of Sherry, once a wild child, maturity then created a faithful mate for life.

Does that ever happen? It most certainly does.

Yes, I see a few of you do get it, actually more than I thought would since so many commentors here skim the text, looking for the juicy parts I guess, not really reading which is obvious.

Maybe I should not have posted this, but when I see a few that do get it..well, what the hell. That makes it worth it.

MGM

In a marriage, yet so many marriages have them. Nay, ALL marriages have them. Contrary to the above posters, I thought the story well-written and well-plotted. And, given that I see shit like this every day in my professional life, all too common.

Still, did I like the story? Not particularly, but not for the reason so many others didn't. Basically, I agree with Ohio that this was just tremendously sad, and I have an aversion to sad stories. Still, it was well done, thought provoking, and--contrary to prior assertions--an adult take on the more feeble stories of this nature that preceded it. And, as the author correctly points out, there was ample evidence in the story to support all of the characters' actions and motives, something that most authors don't bother with or even think up. It takes an author of this magnitude to so carefully craft a story, and it's sad when the readers don't take the time to read it properly and figure out what he's trying to say.

Could the marriage have survived the secret? No, not initially. And yes, all of the blame falls on Dana. She should've known she'd be busted sooner or later--and it's difficult to believe any woman would actually give up their own daughter to the degree she did merely to keep her secret. That--and her failure to tell Dan the truth immediately when they got back together before their marriage--are the only two weaknesses in the story.

Nevertheless, it continues to slay me how many commenters read into the story that which is never presented merely because of the commenters' own biases. Did she visit her daughter while married to Dan? Yes, but she denied ever being with Doug. Should he have believed her at the time? No, because the author made it clear he hated Doug and was incredibly jealous of him, and because the subsequent pregnancy would've only increased that jealousy and hatred. Ten years later, though, was a different story. Ten years later he had ample reason to believe that she was initially telling the truth.

And that's the problem with secrets of this magnitude: They call into question any actual innocence that may exist.

Yet, all marriages have them, don't they?

that you have to write a detailed report after your story in order to explain what is very clear in the story itself, if readers would just "read" the story instead of scanning it for the "jerk off" episodes. As a result of this habit, many of my comments begin with "Stupidity reigns" directed not only at the authors but many of the commentaries. Thank you for a very good, well thought through, and true-to-life story.

...in one way, thinking of all that time apart, but let's not forget the glass can be half full too - after all it did have a happy ending.

I think this story is realistically low-key and laced with appropriate emotions. It kept my interest.

MGM you really are a versatile and accomplished wordsmith - thank you for this.

Didnt like the story at all. Had to stop and go back a dozen times to finish it But, and thats a big but, it was because of the tragic nature of the story. MM it was very well done.

This story was one for which the word 'bittersweet' was made!

Well crafted, and consistent. Perhaps the resistance to this story derives from the fact that it is a much more likely scenario (couple divorces and reconciles years later, when a new reality has shaped itself) than the retaliatory fantasies. (Gosh, I feel so sheltered - I don't know any organized mob guys who owe me favors, or former Navy Seals, who fresh from the Bin Laden operation, are awaiting my word to wipe out my rivals...)

Perhaps the fact that your female character, Dana, wasn't a monster, and was instead a rather sympathetic character who had made a mistake is unsatisfying to some readers. That Dan and Dana never really stopped loving each other, but lived apart for years, makes this story so tragic.

Truthfully, there are situations in which reconciliation is appropriate, and this story is about one of them.

I'm also not a fan of sad stories, just because I'd rather spend most of my time being happy. However, a very well crafted story. Thanks.

I have grown accustomed to reading rather thought provoking stories from you, and this effort was no different. I was intrigued so much with the story that I read the comments immediately, and I must say that I have a different take on the characters and issues involved.

For one, the character that I ended up liking most was Doug. He was maligned for no reason except irrational jealousy. When presented with an unwanted pregnancy he stepped up and became a caring parent. His actions towards his child were exemplary.

Regardless of his appearance after all those years, Doug was more of a man than Dan and certainly more of a parent than Dana. How Doug even allowed his daughter to be named after another man said volumes about his character and I thought it 'small' that Dan gloated over his appearance at the end.

As for Dan, anyone who allows himself to get so drunk that they end up sleeping with a virtual stranger lacks both maturity and a sense of responsibility. More serious though was the fact that a mans wife trusts him so little that she must lie in order to see her own child. Doesnt Dan bear some burden for his wifes behavior?

So many commentators made much of Danas cheating on Dan. However, the only confirmed cheating occurred before they married. After the marriage there was no real evidence of cheating. Even if there were, the act of keeping a daughters existence from her husband was so egregious, so unethical and disrespectful, that the marriage was doomed to failure regardless.

What I saw in this marriage were two selfish individuals that could not see beyond their own pride.

This story was more about the effects of jealousy. There is a reason for the 10th and final commandment and this story illustrated the point.

A romantic fantasy is what it is. Yes she is or was a monster. She got angry and got herself fucked and pregnant. And used Dan's one mistake over and over to hide her own indiscretion. Definitely a monster. BTW what's with Dan and Dana, aren't there any names that aren't the same?

The story really is painful and emotional. The fact that he could not make love for all those years and found that he could do it with his ex-wife is more than enough reason for him to get back in her good graces. If she had told him in their first encounter after the party then things might have worked out. But basically it is a tragedy and we have to learn how to appreciate this kind of tale. One thing that would have lightened it up would be her falling pregnant with him..

very nice story. thoughtful. thanks for sharing. 5*

Dumb characters, stupid plot,badly told and she was a nurse in the hospital he was in, could only be science fiction.

Salamis wrote "More serious though was the fact that a mans wife trusts him so little that she must lie in order to see her own child. Doesnt Dan bear some burden for his wifes behavior?"

SOME burden yes. But for 4 years?? How many time have YOU said two wrongs dont make a right?... now suddenly they do?

Your question ONLY works ONLY if the wife had been on the level.

FACT Both did something stupid that night at the party.

FACT Dana found about about Dan's drunken sex with Sherry. But Dan didnt lie about it -Dana Lied about it for 4 years

FACT dana had a Kid and lied about that

FACT dana would go up to see Doug -- oh thats right --she was just there to see her daughter ---every time there was fight between them.

FACT everytime they had a issue Dana took Dan's drunken mistake and throw it in his face all the time LYING her ass off about what she did.

a terrible stupid reconciliation

maybe alot of realism. And his time the author did a great job setting up the motivations of the characters.

The problem is that I guess some of us is that if they are going to reconcile after 10 years ...we are looking for some dicussion of what Dana did.

What Dana did and what dan did are NOT remotely equal.

Ohio's assertion that Dana was basically a good person is laughable. Maybe at the end of the story she was but not for most of it .

and the car accident was a bit cliche.... on the other hand that sort wierd stuff does happen form time to time

Okay so he went off with Sherry and she skept with Doug. They broke up so why did she keep the secret? A simple "While we were apart I got pregnant and had a daughter" would have worked. Just seems to stupid to lie about it for as long as she did because he probably would have married her anyways.

Instead she lied about her child and threw his past mistake in his face when it suited her needs. Not one of my favorites.

It's always interesting to read other people's takes on stories. This is no different.

After reading comments by other readers, I felt compelled to re-read it, and I'm revising my statements regarding the story. No, I still don't like it. But I can see how things had spiralled out of control.

Dan slept with Sherry. He cheated. Plain and simple. I should've been harsher on that. Hand in hand with that, however, is Dana getting knocked up by Doug. Again, she couldn't have chosen a worse person, from Dan's POV. Was it a rebound fuck? Revenge fuck for Dan's cheating? Or, as Dana explains to Dan "I don't know what happened"?

Here's where things spiral out of control. Dana keeping her daughter a secret was probably the biggest dealbreaker. I CAN imagine her being really distressed at telling Dan that she has a daughter by Doug. Ouch. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

But NOT telling him before marrying? Even worse. But she did keep it a secret.

These aren't the only lies she's told. Remember Ben, the guy who told Dan about Dana's pregnancy? He's gotten handjobs from her, when Dana had insisted that nothing had happened in that year. So excuse me if I don't believe it when Dana says nothing happens between her and Doug when she visits her daughter...

Doug....Can it be? An actually nice and trustworthy "other guy"? Here's where I change my thoughts about the story. Well, the most anyway.

If I were in Doug's shoes, and were interested in Dana, AND Dan had just cheated on her, then she's fair game.

You know what, thinking this over, I think I'll do a complete 180 here, Doug's the better man. Like the others have said, he stepped up when Dana turned up pregnant. It must've been galling to know that the woman he loves (remember, he wanted to marry her), loves the guy HE hates. What's more, she names their daughter after that guy. Galling indeed.

Dana comes off worse and worse here...She doesn't deserve either of em, IMO.

I know I should take things the author tells at face value, but when it's a character in the story who says something, THAT is subject to simply being lies. Namely, Dana saying she's not fucking around with Doug when she visits her daughter.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there was any definitive proof in the story itself that Dana didn't fuck around with Doug.

To conclude, Dan's a very jealous man who got screwed over by his wife.

Dana's a selfish liar and an unfit mother (and the biggest "culprit").

Doug, shockingly, comes over as the good guy! My gods, I actually feel sympathy for him.

Have to say Rehnquist and especially Salamis' comments were very enlightening.

And that was my dilemma was this reconciliation justified? After re-reading the story and reading the other comments I have come to the conclusion that she was a long term lying cheating slut.

Maybe she wised up in later years, but by that time the trust damage was done. As usual Magmaman's writing is great. I could not vote the usual 5 stars.

. . . that ends up in Dallas is okay by me. I lived there almost 25 years and I still consider it home. Nice, if somewhat implausable, story about two screwed up kids who end up making it in the world.

I still root for the Cowboys!

I'm wondering what story some of the commenters read. First, given absence of any other evidence I think a reader has to accept a story as written by the author. So the gist of it is that Dan got drunk at a party and abandoned his girlfriend (in a committed and dedicated relationship) to screw a woman he just met. His girlfriend finds she has been abandoned and in a fit of anger and probable considerable drunkenness herself ends up sleeping with the guy who brought her home from the party. Unfortunately, it ended up in a daughter being born. Now Dan's tryst could have as well, he didn't take any responsibility, but fortunately Sherry was on the pill. <br><br>

Dana keeps her daughter a secret. BIG mistake! And she is running off to visit her daughter and staying with Doug and continuing to keep it secret. HUGE mistake! Nowhere in the story does it say Dana slept with Dan after the one time. SOOOO I accept that as truth. Everyone else seems to speculate there was an ongoing affair and therefore Dana should not be forgiven. BUT that's NOT what the story says. They end up divorced mostly because she has been LYING to him about one of the biggest issues in her life, her daughter. If her daughter had been given up for adoption and she no longer had any interaction with her, maybe OK to let sleeping dogs lie. I personally wouldn't like a wife to leave out such a secret but I require extremely honest partners. Not everyone does. But this is a daughter she IS involved with and she's keeping it a secret. <br><br>

One thing I have a major problem with is Dana's continued annoyance with Dan's hookup with Sherry. He barely remembers it and she is going to keep punishing him for how long? Continuing to run off to Doug? She isn't very forgiving and the skeleton's in her closet are far scarier (AND ONGOING) than the one in his. Why is there this inability for her to move past it even after they are married? I couldn't live with someone who was unable to forgive me for such a one time stupid thing. Maybe this is some of her own guilt at work but it doesn't fit her character and feels odd in the story. It's a needed plot piece but is clumsily done. <br><br>

The story then gets ridiculously maudlin. Dana's pining away for Dan, Dan's pining away for Dana, to the point he can't get an erection to have sex with someone else. Just hand jobs. LOL! But that's not enough. He has to get in an accident and lose his leg. I know that was the vehicle to reconnect him with Dana but gee whiz. <br><br>

The reconciliation is OK but actually kind of boring, two people so beat down by life and their own screw ups that they get each other as a booby prize. Danielle is the only bright spark in the process. <br><br>

Oh yeah, Doug as a balding fat guy and Sherry as a porker? I waffle between feeling it was too petty to bother writing and laughing about it. I guess that's my take on the story in general. It was a good read but some elements were pretty weak.

Just a quick thought since it seems to be on many of the commenters minds: Was Dana throwing Sherry back in Dan's face because she was still pissed about it or because, after a few months, the guilt over separation from her daughter built up until she couldn't hold it back? Think about it. It was only every few months, she was torn about the whole thing in the first place, and Dan's one-nighter with Sherry was inextricably linked to Dana's pregnancy from Doug. Thus, continuous pondering about--and feeling guilty about and just plain missing--her daughter seems the likely reason she brought up Sherry then disappeared to see her daughter.

This seems not only a believable motivation, but the most likely one given the way the author set up the story. And while Dan may have been pissed--and totally misunderstood it--at the time, with hindsight it seems more trivial as an attack against Dan and more likely the sudden overwhelming guilt in Dana.

No, this doesn't expiate any guilt Dana may have had to the ultimate course of things, but it explains it in a different manner. She wasn't throwing Sherry in Dan's face to rub his nose in it. Rather, Dana used Sherry as the triggering mechanism to go visit her daughter. From Dan's point of view, it's probably irrelevant because actions speak louder than words. Still, there's bad and there's really, really bad, and I think the underlying intent has a lot to do with where her actions fall on the scale of bad.

Yup, one the many who did not "get it" because it was based upon an incomplete plot with to many holes. After reading it a couple of times - it just comes off as just another self-centered manipulative slut and an insecure wimp male character "plot". Of the course the "reconciliation at any cost" ending was somewhat predictable & boring. For many, this story just leaves one with a bad taste in the mouth & reminds us of the similarities between the pathetic characters & plot that Azpiri recently posted. Not your best stuff MMM, but your other work is much better.

She held his cheating over his head like a black cloud. She beat him over the head with it when she felt it was needed. She didn't forgive and forget did she? She also did it to further an ongoing deception. Does it matter why people do things like this? The fact they do it is enough. It tells you something about them as a person. They were rightfully divorced. Dan never recovered and had to pay women for release. I'm not going to say it. Doug was the stand up guy in this one. Distance and time should have made him see more clearly. Wouldn't he remember the times that she became abusive and blamed everything on him? I sure as hell would. Four years of that shit. I understand that people can change. I also understand irreversible damage, like a totaled car with no parts that can be used. The story was well written. Maybe if she was the last woman on earth and I had been horny for months....

ok story Mman, I like a happy ending as much as grizzly revenge. But... Wasn't a decade of jerking off to Internet porn enough? ... Did our hero have to Lose a leg too? And as long as were voting, I wouldn't believe her either based on 4 years of deception.

Good stories get everyone talking. Well done author.

I will agree with numerous people who say both helped create the disaserous result. Too bad they couldn't have talked it out. But, I did not get the impression that Dana ever "cheated" on him after the time she got pregnant. I believe she was just visiting her daughter.

This story screamed that it was all about Reconciliation at all costs. Sadly, that one factor brought the quality of the story down quite a bit despite the talent of the author.

Magna, you are a talented writer and usually produce fun and interesting stories. Your stories read smoothly and I rarely find myself slowed down by bad grammar.

Unfortunately, this story was a RAAC story and in many ways encompasses all that is wrong with that plot theme in the loving wifes genre.

Mousse actually covered many of the problems I saw in his 2 posts about this story. He caught the hypocrisy of Dana in that she was giving Dan grief about a drunken night he barely remembers with Shelly while she was hiding a daughter she had with his worst enemy. She lied to Dan and deceived him time and again to have a few stolen moments with her daughter.

And in order to leave even the faintest hint of the possibility that reconciliation might be possible you glossed over all of the emotional impact Danas betrayal should have generated. Instead you have Dan become impotent with any woman for 10 years only able to get it up for Carlas hand jobs.

Did you not think about how much was wrong with that picture?

Worse, do you see how your story had to be written in such a way as to lead your hero into a corner from which the only way out was to accept an unequal reconciliation where the wife takes far less of the blame than she should. After all, the only crime your hero committed was a drunken fumble with a fellow high school student that occured before hed ever scored with Dana. Dana not only went all the way, but got pregnant and then lied about it after the marriage. There is no way to make those two crimes remotely equal.

But you tried and in doing so, you made the hero amazingly inconsistent in his personality and emotions.

He was strong enough to star in football and to see that the man he hated could get the game-winning shot in a basketball game. He was clearly able to put others ahead of himself, but still resented the adulation that went to Doug. Winning Dana was special, but you hinted that he always feared her leaving him for Doug. There was a solid foundation for his personality, but.

When Dana holds Sherry over him, he caves again and again and again.

When he finds out that she lied about giving out hand jobs. He caves again

When he finds out she was pregnant he is hurt, but folds like a house of cards

When she admits that she used the fights over Sherry to go to Dougs to visit her daughter, he does divorce her, but spends the next 10 years pining for her. Even while becoming a solid success at his job.

HOW? How could this man who cant stand up to his wife beyond ending the relationship when he discovers that she was never honest with him, turn around and be a success at work. Sure he could throw himself into his work to forget his wife, but then hed not only be a success, but.. Hed forget his ex-wife. After all, if hes constantly too busy or tired to think of her, the feelings would fade.

And to be impotent except for hand jobs? Really? That makes as much sense as wearing an arctic suit on Hawaii in mid-summer. A comedian once pointed out that the little man between your legs has no memory and no conscience. It just wants a warm, wet place to play in. I can see a man not wanting to look at another woman for six months or so, but not ten years. Especially not if hes working like a rented mule. At some point hes going to see a woman and his lower brain would simply scream Get her panties off and give me what I need! You have your hero become nothing more or less than a eunuch for 10 years to avoid that outcome.

It is your story, and like I said at the start, the writing is good and its clear there is talent. But RAAC stories almost always have to throw in huge deus ex-machina plot twists in order to bring about their endings and this one is a perfect example of that. Sorry, but I cant rate it highly. To me, the ending fell apart as too much of it failed to connect with the rest of the story.

this time I wont blow my top on your post even though it is seriously misguided. First your post about Dana motivations is good at one level. YES Dana was using the drunk Dan/sherry fuck event as an excuse to see her daughter.

How does that excuse her behavior which its clear you seem an overppwering need to do so.

You claim that you are not trying to alleviate Dana's actions but in fact you are.

..."Still, there's bad and there's really, really bad, and I think the underlying intent has a lot to do with where her actions fall on the scale of bad...."

You argument... that Dana actions werent that bad b/c she really wanted to she her daughter...is stunning. what you dont explain is why Dan should get fucked over by his wife for HER mistake?

Her INTENT was to mess with Dan's head by INTENTIONALLY engaging in a SERIOUS deceit. Sure Dana did not do this to hurt Dan... so what?

Dan is not a potted Plant. He is entitled to SOME respect. He doesnt get any in this story of course...

I bet he never actually did anything with sherry. Three piles if shit all shitting on thus man's life.

Why would you write such drivel?

But there were a few annoyances. First and formost, I loved the theme of a ginormous secret and how it would/could affect a couple. Further, I am a sucker for competitive males vying for the affection of a girl. Two exciting motifs that would/could make for a compelling saga. But alas and alack, the story was too short to truly explore these two themes. I found the set up too rushed and not as focused as it should have been...also very staccato...the reader was bounced very quickly from one character to another with the result of a lack of enough character development and a loss of that delicious potential tension. In the middle, when the secret was revealed...where was the drama? The story needed some real soul searching. I wanted angst! This problem reoccured when he lost his limb. This could have been a terrific metaphor, in fact it WAS a great metaphor, but needed at least a few paragraphs to really expose it. Ah what coulda/woulda/shoulda been. Finally, when the coda came, I was miserable. (God what a whiny bastard I have become..but one more whine...I HATED the two names, no make that the three names. Dan, Dana, and Doug (Horton Hears A Who)... confusing and incredibly annoying. I remember laughing with silly glee when a Ben came along.). I liked the story, but was also disappointed and annoyed. Oy, what an asshole commentator am I.? Sorry!

Even though they eventually got back together they waisted so much of their young lives .

...Great writing, now share Dana's biggest secret, so write a series about Dana's secret summer job as the beach bar's erotic masseuse at Hilton's African nudist resort HedonistIII in Jamaica(google it)..Dana was popular and averaged 20 half hour "sessions" per day & she was live on the internet 24/7..Dana loved the huge horse-size hung basketball players..what fun and lot's of practice for her sex life with Dan...THIS secret has lot's of material for really HOT stories..Thanks ,,,,,,,,,,::::::::::,,,,,,,,:::::::::,,,,,,,,

The forced RAAC was bad, but this story had other problems. The 1 decent character was a bit player instead of a main character; it's like hiring Robert DeNiro for a cameo and the cast of Baywatch for the main roles (apologies to any German readers).

In the end it felt contrived and forced, with little or no explanation for the characters' change in behavior beyond the fact that time elapsed.

Classic case of a story being bent to fit a preconceived agenda instead of allowing the story to develop naturally.

One of the few stories written by you that I didn't like and I voted as such.

resolution.If he was on the fence then action would have been less consistent and subdued and if he was insistent that lying was dealbreaker he would have had to have moved on better. As always a nice read though.

MGM I will not recopy what OHIO wrote-but it was the best description of your well done story.

10 years is a long time and with age comes wisdom that life is too short. Dana changed -as do most people when they become responsible parents, (nicely pointed out by the Sherry character) and Dan realized he can't change the past-but he could look to make the his future better.

Thanks for writing and the good read.

i agree with only one point that you wrote i.e. dana feared that her husband would leave her if ever she told him about that incident

but consider this:

dana knowingly went on and had sex with the one person her boyfriend hated the most (i dont think he was the right person at the right time. i think it was a subconscious revenge) while on the other hand dan didn't know what he was doing. Of course she didnt know this at that time. Also this doesnt excuse what dan did. What i want to point out is when it came out in the open, dana shouldn't have acted as she did, i.e. behaving like she didn't know what had happened and being so mad with him. Cmon, you did the same thing. So, be a little mad at yourself

Next: Dana didn't tell her husband about her encounter for 4 years, hid a daughter for christs sake, from her affair and blamed the guy for all these years in order to not only sneak off to see her daughter but to infact live with Doug while doing so. Oh no nothing happened there ofcourse!!

She told other people about the baby and not the guy she 'loved'. Ofcourse she feared that he might leave her. Thats the only believable part of this story. After hubby finds out about the baby she cries and leaves without an explanation but the most amazing part is: she goes over to Doug's place of all the places in this world. Hubby stews over his wife's absence while wifey is with exactly the same person who is the major cause of this secret. Wasn't her husband's hatred towards that man the main reason for her to keep it a secret.

and in order to have a happy life with dan she sacrificed a happy life of her daughter. She left her in care of a man and only visited like what- a couple of times? She denied her parents the right to spoil their grandchild. What if Doug never married? What would they have told Danielle about her parents? There are many things only a mother could give to a child and Danielle missed her mother's influence in the foundation years of her life. Dana failed to be a good wife and a good mother.

the writer had reconcilation in his mind even before the start of the story itself. So ofcourse there had to be an accident and she had to be a nurse at that very hospital (of all the places in this world). To make the story end happily he had to transform Doug to a balding man. Why was that last bit about Doug's visit even added?

3 stars for this one but to be fair this deserves something like 2.5

I guess to be more accurate I should say questionable thinking as well. How could someone believe they could hid a child from their husband forever? Amazing enough that we are to believe she could hid a pregnancy from him! I started to list the other questionable behaviors/thinking but that isn't necessary. Enough to say that the characters were flawed enough to make the willing suspension of disbelief nearly impossible.

you can drive a Battleship through it. First, how did Dan who played for the party suddenly end up in Sherry's bed when he had been sitting on a couch? There was this jug of vodka. Sherry had been hanging with Doug and Dana was not to be found. Sounds like Dana, Sherry and Dug wanted to swap partners that night so they set up Dan. Then we have the great Breakup because Dana had ended up giving her virginity to Doug and she wanted to play the field for a while. Dana got pregnant and has her baby. Doug proposes to Dana but she realize that Doug was still a cockhound not suitable husband material. Doug's family has money so they take care of her baby. After the dust settle Dana hooks up with Dan again. After they amrry Dana makes decisions to keep her other life a secret- buying the house far away from Doug and her child and creating fights to spend time with her. If she just wanted to visit her daughter why stay the night? Why not buy a house midway so she can come home at night? After 4 years perhaps Doug wanted to settle down especially having a child to contend with at home but this setup made no sense. Therefore, the divorce made sense and the 10 years was needed so they could both grow up.

SleeplessinMD

That this initial premise has plenty of potential. Them splitting up, her wanting to hide the baby from him, and the excuses to go see her child. But once he found out it's like you were in a hurry to get to the 'several years later' part. I would have liked to see more of their interactions after the fact, without such a rushed separation. Also, I'd like to know if they ever had a kid together. One thing often ignored on Lit is that marriage is huge, but Dwarfed compared to the emotional intensity of parenthood.

Could be a fantastic ten page piece, if rewritten.

Funny, I could never have stayed with her because she kept talking and chatting with Doug when Dan told her 20 times that he did not like it. Like someone else said: She showed him no respect. That Doug was the Father of her child and kept a secret from Dan was disrespect. Once again, Doug could look over at Dan and chuckle each and every time because he had given her a child when Dan had not. That she would get mad and use Sherry as an excuse to run to Doug and their child for 4 years was way more disrespect. She was taking something away from Dan...her loving companionship. She was giving that to Doug and their child.

He had plenty of reason to divorce the lying and cheating Dana. It did not matter whether she continued cheating sexually when married to Dan, because what she was doing was taking something from him and giving to it to Doug only.

Dan gave it long enough where he could effectively reconcile at the end and still raise Doug's child Danielle. So yes, in the the end he was a pitiful wimp and he took her back.

This was not written in the story but I could imagine Doug laughing his ass off the whole time at his old competitor. After all, he rubbed it in Dan's face secretly for over 5 years! What was in the story was that Doug maintained a casual and friendly relationship with Dana right in front of Dan's face! What kind of respect for her husband was that? She knew what she was doing was disrespectful, and yet you write that she couldn't say anything to Dan because she was afraid of his reaction? Then why did she do that when he bitched about it?

I normally only go with what was written, but her actions do make me believe there was more to the story than related.

I just couldn't do it, this woman (note I said woman in stead of bitch) lied from the moment they got married. She had a baby with his enemy, it wasn't cheating because they weren't together at the time, but to lie all that time. Man fuck her and move on.

The lies and deceit and constant abuse of him by her is a hard pill to swallow. He refused and good for him, was there another way to reconcile the treatment - I am not sure,

Fate steps in and kicks his ass then shoves her in his face, then the truth comes out - all of it. Maybe she should have grown up a bit during the 4 years before the divorce or at the divorce and tried to clear the air then who knows may have saved some time. May have killed it all so he could actually move on.

When children are involved it ll gets a bit harder to determine what is right - you have to keep asking right for whom?

I like the way you wrote this and the way it makes the commentators think - that is what deserves high grades,

That is the reason the story works. Any guy with a pair could not have been in this situation - this guy was a loser and cuck so the story worked.

Dana, Doug, Dan????? Give us a break and use some imagination in naming characters. This kind of writing is not worth reading.

This story was all over the place, and hard to follow.. I gave it a one star to many.

It was with his recovery time for the prosthetic leg.

I see people rant and rave about reconciliation at all costs, but after 10 years apart living separate lives, they are not the same two people from page one or even most of page two. Yeah they still have the same names and history, but history is over and done with. You can't change it, only learn from it. Any trust coming to the relationship is brand spankin' new, not the leftover swiss cheese from the old relationship.

magma, I hate to say this but in the past day I've been reading I'm just getting tired of bad names in your stories, and pathetic men who go after pathetic excuses for women. I'd rather have at least one strong woman or a strong man in the story than none.. I can't really recall finding this too much of a problem with your stories before. You write some good stories but I'd love it if you just made at least one of the characters slightly less pathetic, preferably the hero. 10 years wallowing in misery and erectile dysfunction? Ugh.. What is so special about these women?? NOTHING. I've known girls who are special and if I was to be in misery I'd rather be miserable over them than the girls you're describing - why would a guy be miserable over a two-faced ho? You'd be better off describing the girls to be like Marilyn Monroe and make them out to be virgin saints - on Literotica. It just sucks.. you had a decent opening, which is why I continued reading. Don't cheat yourself or your readers of a good storyline!

Sorry, Yuri, but I don't do cookie cutter characters. Real people seldom have 10" dicks that come up on demand, real women don't have 40DD breasts that point straight out.

5" and breasts pointing straight down is more likely.

Real people are flawed. I don't do Marilyn Monroe characters usually and have zero interest, she was not real either. Just makeup and perception, and far more pathetic, flawed than normal people are.

And those in life who have forgiven an indescretion and moved on with life?

In the VAST majority.

Just MHO,

Thanks,

MGM

I liked the story, and the premise was cool-a pretty damn big secret to be keeping all that time.

The part that rings true is everything that happened at that fateful party. How Dan suddenly went dark is beyond me, but if he was not an experienced drinker, I could see the black-out (brown-out?) retroactive to being on the couch. I've certainly hooked up with girls when I've been blasted. And, I was once in Doug's position: I banged a hot drunk 19 year old (I was drunk, too) virgin shortly after she had found out her serious boyfriend for whom she had been saving herself had cheated on her. I think I felt as guilty about it the next day as she did. It's messy, and it sucks, but it happens.

But, I don't buy her reaction the next day. OK, so she is pissed at Dan, and guilty as hell about her own reaction. But, she won't give him any credit for telling the truth (and being really drunk, btw)? She won't come clean to him? She breaks up with him for (maybe) doing what she did herself? What a sanctimonious, hypocritical bitch. Then, she finds herself pregnant after one fuck with Doug? Unlikely, but possible. So, she doesn't get an abortion? OK, maybe she doesn't believe in that, etc.

I also have a hard time believing that Dan never gets word of the pregnancy until four years later. His girl and his rival-both his classmates, and it is fairly clear that they are both still running with the same crowd as they did in high school-he would have heard something before that.

I also have a hard time buying that Doug would take custody of the girl when he is a young, single guy, and that Dana would give up custody. Very unlikley in both cases.

Also, what kind of sick bitch is Dana to keep throwing Dan's cheating on her in his face, to manufacture an excuse to leave him in a huff for a few days-so she can visit her daughter? That is pure emotional torture-a relationship would not survive that kind of thing (even if no daughter existed-constant punishment from an incident before the marriage would doom the marriage).

Dana in this story is despicable. Dishonest, self-serving, disloyal, and emotionally abusive. Forget about everything before the marriage. She intentionally inflicted emotional distress on hubby (playing the martyr, when she was more guilty than he was in re: the fateful night) so that she would have an excuse to pretend to leave in a huff, when in fact she was using that time to spend time with her secret family. Seriously, a fucked up bitch. I don't buy that Dan could never get over her enough to have a healthy relationship. He was a good-looking, young (still in his 20's), athletic divorced guy with no kids, a good job and a homeowner to boot. He would have had them lining up for him. He would have gotten past the hurt and been able to have had a healthy relationship with women. To the extent that he could not perform, it would have had more to do with his inability to trust women because of his ex-wife. If he was to be unable to perform due to that kind of anxiety-it would have manifested itself in his ex-wife, more than anyone else.

I also find the ex-wife's claim that she only had sex one time in 10 years after her divorce very unlikely. She was a sexy gal in her 20's (and 30's) during that time; she would have had plenty of opportunities, and she would have closed on a few. She would not have been holding out for an ex-husband who divorced her (rightly) for that long-she would have moved on.

Maybe if the time lag would have been shorter (4 years, etc.), I could have bought it. Also, he would have needed to have had her demonstrate that she had changed. I saw little remorse for what she had done to him, little reason for him to reconcile. So, the reconciliation seemed hallow to me.

I liked the idea of the story, and I like your writing. But, it just rings very untrue.

what's up with Dana's dad giving Dan the business about cheating on her? Did he miss the fact that his "little princess" did the same thing, and even got knocked up? Also, he must know that she had been keeping her daughter a secret from him for all this time, right? What a piece of shit that father is, as well. I guess I see where Dana gets her hypocritical egoism.

and he is supposed to roll over and forget history. dont waste your time on a cheating cunt.

Why do so many of these stories take so many damn years for the couple to get back together. I liked this story and the reconciliation. I am a little confused about why Dan would have gotten a divorce over Dana going to see her daughter. Ok, Ok... she did lie a bunch about where she was going and why, but she wasn't screwing the guy. I don't think that there would have been a divorce if Dan had been told much earlier that Doug was actually jealous of Dan. So much of the pain in this story was caused by both of these talented good guys feeling inferior to the other.

so his enemy fucks his girl - makes a baby with her - and then he and his friends laughs behind his back as his wife plays being mad so she can run off and play mommy and daddy with his enemy for 4 years until he drags the truth out of her - she will not have a baby with him and he takes her back. cuckdar cuckdar in operation. this guy is a fool and now he had the privilege of really being a cuck and raising the fucking little bitch for him. oh did i forget that the girl that caused his woman to fuck her old boyfriend and gets knocked up by him now is marrying the girl that helped fuck up his life. this guy needs a life and not with the cheating cunt. did i forget the cunts parents gave him shit about "cheating" but forgot to mention the whore had someone elses kid.

to save his sorry life - save your gay analysis shitbird, stick to fucking your relatives and abusing the 'engrish' language you obviously hate. come back when you get a clue that spelling, punctuation, structure, etc actually matter.

But you did as you so often do - strange sequence with strange people doing things in a very convoluted way for the weirdest reasons lol -

This was a good one - but it yet again highlights why communication first is a key to a successful relationship and to getting away from bad ones -

Another small recurring issue of course is self control - too many people do not have it and never find it - it actually can be taught however even to kids - helps a lot later on -

Sad when people lie to each other and destroy their lives. Sad when they are not brave enough to over come their own pride. Sad when they choose to associate with stupid people and get involved with stupid things.

Beautifully written and an engaging story. Loved the ending. The only thing I can't figure out is the opening scene. Where does this fit in the time frame of their marriage? The scene ends and you immediately launch into reminiscing about Doug and Dan in high school. But then you never seem to return to that scene. Not a big deal, just puzzling.

Enjoyed the story. I could have done without him losing his leg as I felt it didn't add anything to the story. She could have found him after the crash with the leg just as easily. Write on!

After taking shit from her father for cheating and having his enemy's child and keeping it a secret there is no way they would wind up together. The tale was well written and thought out but unrealistic.

Good writing but everything else about this left me puzzled. Too many loose ends, nonsensical interjections, and open lines.

DITO betrayedbylove

Another skank slut whore.....why do men think with their dicks....loser....

Good story. I was impressed that you did not feel the need to expose the fact that Sherry took Dan home because Doug asked her to so that he could 'rescue' Dana.

You didn't make him out to be a saint and he really didn't know what was going on until he was naked and playing with the toys. Innebriated, he let his senses take over!

Okay, she did too BUT - she allowed the intimacy of kissing and playing with fire - SHE could have stopped it so...

Again sad, he'll always feel bad about what he did, he'll always love her but - he'll never forget the cheating and then the lying!!!

Nice try ending BUT - NOT a good ending.

He was Obviously set up at the party by Dana. When your girlfriend disappears at a party, and you can't find her, there is only one reason. She was fucking Doug, and they used Sherry as a decoy. She carried on an affair for the entirety of the marriage. Does ANYONE believe that she couldn't see her child unless she stayed at Dougs place? Visitation can be anywhere, why not at her mother's, or Doug's mother's? Why stay in the house? She was fucking him, and using Dan's guilt against him to do it. And with the guy he hated most, to boot! Why did she never tell Dan the truth? Why did she never ask for custody? After all, she said he just handed her over without hesitation when she asked later. Doug didn't seem all that attached to his daughter, if he could just hand her over without question. It was because Dana WANTED to spend that time with Doug, and if Dan knew about the child, he would demand she see the child without being with Doug! The kind of betrayal and deceit shown by Dana could not be forgiven.

At the party, why, and where was Dana gone for so long, that Dan was able to get so drunk, that he passed out? Even if he was a lightweight, it would take longer than an hour of drinking, for him to be SO drunk, that he passed out. And DID he actually fuck Sherri? If he was THAT drunk, that he passed out, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that he could get, let alone sustain, an erection! He remembers nothing of that night, only that he woke up at Sherri's house. Who told him that he cheated? Dana! The girl that was missing for most of the night suddenly reappeared to inform him that he fucked a girl while he was unconscious! Neat trick, that. Was she pregnant by Doug before the party? She said that she had decided that was going to be the night she finally had sex with Dan, yet she wasn't on the pill? If it was going to be such a special night for them, why in the hell did she completely disappear and abondon Dan for the whole night, letting him get drunk? If she was REALLY going to sleep with Dan that night, don't you think she would have been at least within sight of him, on her special night? Wouldn't she have been prepared, by being on the pill for her first time, seeing as she had preplanned being with him? Really does not add up.

And if what she says was true, that she only went to Doug to see her kid, why did she bad mouth Dan to her parents all the time? They, after all, knew the whole truth about the child, so why would they have such a low opinion of Dan, unless she was bad mouthing him? The whole thing seems more and more like a set up. Most likely, she wanted to be married, and Doug wasn't the type to stay faithful, so she suckered Dan, and got with Doug on a regular basis.

You know CRAP is a four letter word like SHIT.

Garbage in garbage out.

Still five stars.

Yup, people do stupid things. When you compound those stupid things, you get awfully stupid things and usually a lot of pain and suffering. You know what? I have found that people who go through life lying to others most often come to no good end. Indeed, they will often drag others down with them. So, it is best to avoid them once you know what they are. A woman that would keep, rather than abort her child is not likely going to lie about having a child, even a lie of omission. Of course, if she had planned on having sex the night of the party she would likely have had birth control available for Danny if not Doug.

wow you must hate men dont you. you shit on this poor bastard over and over again. then have him take his cheating slut back. lets see you make him unable to get it up then make him a cripple. i hope the same thing happens to you.

And sadly realistic.

unfortunately there are many people willing to live their lives as physical and emotional wrecks. And in this case actually go back to it after escaping.

They were both young and full of themselves. Now that they both have grown up and have realized what they had lost, they have a chance of getting it right this time.

Missed

it was all a background and he was going to tell us about the party they were in and she was talking to Doug.

Dana went to the party with Dan and if she had really cared she would have kept her eye on him and not let Sherry nor anyone else anywhere near him let alone take him home. I've seen many girlfriends spitting fire under similar circumstances

Instead she did her own selfish thing and ruined three lives.

Of course without that the main part of this story collapses.

What’s the point in going back to her? She broke up with him to hide the fact that she fucked Doug and got knocked up, later on when they got back together she was still not sleeping at their house all nights because she was going and spending the night with her daughter in doug’s home. To me that lie in itself breaks the whole trust and there is nothing that they could do to get it back. She’s a liar that comes up with a lie after the other not to mention her mood swings when they were together. I’d rather have dan spend his whole life alone than spending it with her.

Lets review class.

She cheats on him the SAME night he cheats on her. Okay. Barely adult teens make mistakes. Even steven.

Yet she screams and yells at him for his wrong doing.

Fast forward to the marriage. The faure to mention a daughter is completely unacceptable. To make matters worse she picks fights over his one time lalse so she can go visit her daughter and ex lover.

For four. Count 'em 4 fucking years. How does one even begin to justify that level of deceit and manipulation???

She doesn't pick a fight over the toilet seat left up. Or clothes on the floor instead of the hamper. NOoooo.... sbe throws his one time lapse into his face. Making him feel bad, guilty and remorseful. And ALWAYS defends her lover.

Whose definition of love is that.

And the ex husband takes her back? Fuck no.

That lying manipulative bitch. Take her back?

Said it in the title - HELL NO.

Largely believable. Carefully developed reader empathy for the four main characters. I plan on reading this every month or so. It makes me feel good.

No empathy for either

Both cheaters and shit

People screw up their lives and then write songs about it. Great job.

I enjoyed reading this story of human frailty and reconciliation. Bits were a touch predictable but I'm one for happy endings and enjoyed the story. Keep them coming.

Thanks enjoyed the story very much.

Two people needed to grow up, maybe him more than her, and growing up can be painful. Time and pain can help in that regard. I enjoyed the story very much.

How stupid can you be? You don't see the setup between sherry and Doug to everything that happened at the party? To Doug getting Dana pregnant, to him waking up with sherry. Dana was probably in on it to so she could fuck Doug. This guy is stupid and naive. He got drugged, she got to fuck Doug her old boyfriend. Sherry got what she wanted after agreeing to screw over Dan.

that was really disgusting!

As some else commented the party was a setup. Dan was drugged so that Doug and Danna could fuck. Sherry agreed to fuck Dan which would cause a rift between Dan and Danna. Quite a consequence that Doug got Dana pregnant. She had to have fucked him bareback. Reeks of premeditate planning. Dana breaks up with Dan after finding out she pregnant with Doug's baby. She blames Dan for their breakup because he slept with Sherry and then Dana moves away to have Doug's baby and gives Doug full custody of the baby. She comes back a year later and gets back together with Dan and talks him into marriage keeping her child she had with Dough a secret the whole time. Picks a fight with Dan every times she goes and see her daughter for a visit. Dan divorces her once he finds out about the secret. Then of course we have to have Dan unable to move on with his life and never find anyone else he could be happy so we can have a reconciliation at then end. Conveniently, Doug and Sherry have been married all these ensuing years and Danna after the divorce moved to the same area Doug and Sherry live and takes back custody of her daughter. Happenstance? I think not.