Secrets of the Tea Room Ch. 12

We may have to use toys, I'm just not sure yet. Please keep thinking about it, I don't want to get her that far only to lose her in the last segment of the training."

The conversation had had a visible effect on me. I was afraid I would embarrass myself by the growing bulge in my pants, so I excused myself on the pretext of having accounts to go over and walked quickly to my room.

I turned on the shower full blast, stripped as fast as I could and plunged in the cold water. It almost took my breath away, but unfortunately did nothing to take the excitement away. I looked down and the goose bumps covering my chest and belly to see the evidence of the conversation still standing.

Over the past few months, playing my part behind Rose's mirror, I had accepted the fact that occasionally I would have to resort to other means of relief, so I launched into the quickest way of alleviating the tension ... at least I was still in the shower, so I didn't have to clean up after myself.

The rest of the evening I flipped back and forth from books to TV, from stereo to work I had brought home. Nothing seemed to help, agitation seemed to be my constant companion for the evening. Finally, I poured myself another glass of sherry, rested my head on the back of the chair, and concentrated on the music drifting through the room. I had the stereo on a light classical station and that, combined with the sherry, added to the fatigue at the end of the day, finally started to soften the tense muscles through my shoulders and neck.

I wasn't even really aware that I had dosed off in the chair. In my dream Rose came to me in my room ... she was gloriously beautiful in a simple white cotton gown. The gown billowed as if it were being lifted by a tender breeze and her hair hung softly to her shoulders. She floated over to me and knelt in front of me. She didn't speak just looked at me.

There was caring in her face that was unmistakable and she lifted her hand to brush the hair off my forehead. She took the glass from my hand and placed it on the table beside the chair and looked back at me again with the softest eyes I had ever seen. The Rose in my dream floated up as if on a cloud, touching her lips to mine so briefly it felt like only a flutter, then she floated out of my sight.

When I awoke in the middle of the night a storm had blown the window open in my room and the curtains were standing almost straight out in the wind. I hurriedly closed them, after turning off the lights I undressed and crawled into bed. I smiled because I remembered the dream I had of Rose and hoped she would visit me again.

As I drifted off to sleep my dreams were invaded by a succession of raven-haired females ... some babies, some girls, grown women, and some had streaks of silver in their hair ... but all lovely, all fetching, and all unknown but familiar.

Rose was in touch with Allen over the phone and relayed with delight Jennifer's progress. She looked and felt better, she said, that she had felt in years. As the exercise and yoga programs began to pay off, Rose called and talked with Jennifer, "Are you ready to go shopping? Good, then, let's make a day of it on Saturday, what do you think? Wonderful! Can you pick me up at the Tea Room again ... I have several boutiques in mind ... you'll love them ... Trust me! Okay, then, see you Saturday."

As planned, Jennifer picked up Rose at the Tea Room and they set out for Baton Rouge. They chatted amiably on the drive and arrived in an exclusive shopping district before they knew it. "Let's work from the skin out" suggested Rose, "I can tell by your smile and the way you carry yourself that inside feels pretty darned good ... what do you think?"

"Lead On, Lady Rose!", Jennifer commanded, "I will follow." So their first stop was a lingerie shop. Rose and Jennifer examined every rack, every display, every shelf, picking out matching panties, bras, slips, merry widows, and nightgowns. Rose steered her toward flattering colors and luxurious materials.

"Now, before you buy all these expensive unmentionables, let's go try on one set to make sure they fit properly," and she steered Jennifer into a large fitting room. Rose took her place on a settee and Jennifer was stunned into silence, "Rose, I don't think I want you here while I'm changing, I don't want anyone to see me nude. You understand ..."

Rose admonished her like a mother would a child, quietly and gently, "Jennifer, there are no secrets between us now ... you know I will not betray your trust or your secret ... you have to begin to accept yourself as you are. As you are is beautiful. You must realize that and believe it, perhaps my being here will be your first step toward conquering your shyness."

"Alright, Rose. But, if you don't mind, I'll turn my back." Rose was not entirely surprised to see a blush rising in Jennifer's cheeks as she turned away from her. She faced the fitting mirror and saw that Rose sustained their eye contact in the mirror. She slowly unbuttoned her blouse and carefully hung it on the rack beside the mirror, and then pulled down her jeans and laid them across the arm of a chair.

Jennifer looked back at the mirror and saw that Rose had not moved or changed expressions, her eyes met Jennifer's. Jennifer unsnapped her bra and let it fall to the floor. She tucked her thumbs inside the elastic of her panties and pulled them down to the floor, then kicked them aside.

As she stood up, she stiffened and closed her eyes, she didn't want to see the revulsion on her friends face when she saw the awful tattoo. After an eternity of silence Jennifer opened her eyes and immediately connected with Rose's eyes.

"Turn around now Jennifer, what you've been ashamed of I've seen in the mirror, you have no reason to try to hide it any longer." Jennifer obeyed slowly. "Now, come here my dear, let's see if it's really as bad as all that." And once again, Jennifer obeyed slowly. She walked within two feet of Rose and stopped. Rose examined her abdomen and the looked up, past her breast to find dispirited eyes full of doubt.

Rose smiled at her, "Jennifer, I was expecting something far worse. I know it holds bad memories for you, but don't you think if you could turn this mark around so that it's to your advantage you would somehow vindicate its existence?"

"What do you mean, Rose? What could I possibly do? This thing spans virtually from hip to hip, and dips where you can't see right now. What on earth could I possibly do?"

"I'm surprised at you" began Rose ... "you are supposed to appreciate art. I've always heard that great art does not come without a price. It's really quite a beautiful tattoo ... you've only viewed it as a mark of humiliation. It doesn't have to be that way. You know, quite a lot of men find tattoos very erotic ... remember Cher?

You should play the tattoo to your advantage." Rose looked into Jennifer's eyes once again and could tell that Jennifer had no comprehension of what she was trying to get at. "Jen, most of the art is covered by your muff ... have you ever thought of liberating this art from it's fuzzy cover?"

"Rose! Shave! My God, I don't know how you could even suggest such a thing. Do you remember what I told you? How this happened? How could you dare suggest such a thing!", Jennifer turned to snatch up her bra and panties. "No, no ... wait my dear. Of course I don't expect you to shave. But there are wonderful depilatories on the market, and what I see is not a mark of shame, it's rather a badge of courage. You should wear it proudly, as proudly as any survivor wears a badge of courage ... you did survive it all, you know."

"I never thought of it that way ... I'm not sure I want to think of it that way now. At any rate, how could I ever explain it away ... I would never tell another living soul how ..."

Rose interrupted her mid-sentence, "Jen. First of all, you shouldn't feel obligated to explain anything to anyone. Your body is your business and no one else's. Secondly, should you become intimate with a man, what happened to you ... or what you chose to do ... before you met him is also none of his business.

If you establish a relationship with that man, his only concerns should be from that particular moment forward. Thirdly, God! I didn't think I had that many reasons, but I guess I do ... Thirdly, if you feel you must explain, you can write it off as a drunken college dare. No one ever need know. I believe you could turn it into one of your best intimate features, if you'll only allow yourself to do so."

"I'll think about it, Rose ... but no promises." Jennifer tried on the lingerie without further conversation and purchased the whole lot. Rose smiled as she thought to herself, beautiful from the inside out!

Jennifer and Rose spent the rest of the afternoon, flitting from one store to the next boutique ... from boutique to shoe store ... from shoe store to bath shops, they exhausted themselves and most of the sales clerks in that neighborhood of Baton Rouge.

Rose suggested they stop at a little coffee shop before heading back. A strong cup of coffee would do them both good.

Nothing further was said about their conversation in the lingerie shop ... their banter was easy and fun, there were no strained feelings, so Rose took that as a good sign.

Rose called Jennifer mid-week to inquire about her friends reaction to her new clothes, "Rose, it's been great! Everyone loves the new look, they say I'm a brand new woman ... why, I even got whistled at the other day on the street! Do you believe it ... whistled at! That hasn't happened to me since ... Lord! I can't even remember when. This has all been wonderful. Now what shall I do?"

"Well, Jen ... are you sure you want to continue?" Rose asked. "Well, then, I want you to call up that young man you told me about at the inn ... what was his name? Oh, yes, Allen. Well, I want you to call Allen and invite him to lunch. Now, settle down, Jen ... it's just lunch! Would you feel more comfortable if you met him here? Alright then, I promise to hover around ... just call him, okay? Okay. I'll see you toward the end of the week."

Rose hung up the phone and immediately picked it up to call Allen, "Allen, hi, it's Rose. I called to tell you Jennifer is doing remarkably well. I'm very pleased with everything she's accomplished.

We are now taking a very big step that I wanted to talk to you about. At my urging, Jennifer is going to call you and invite you to lunch. Now, Allen, she didn't want to at first, I really had to talk her into it, but she finally agreed. Yes. I'm afraid she is still frightened of intimacy ... but before we went any further, we have to make sure. We have to make sure that you both are still in love. I wouldn't want to make a misstep at this junction ... it would be a horrible mistake. So, Allen, will you agree to meet Jennifer? Good ... and Allen, one more thing, Jennifer wants to meet you here at the Tea Room for lunch, she wants me around as a safety net if things go badly between you. Yes.

I'm afraid she insisted, but don't worry, neither Queen nor I will acknowledge ever having met you ... you'll just be another customer off the street. Okay? Okay ... see you later in the week."

Jennifer's luncheon reservation was for Saturday at 12:00, she wanted to be in the middle of a crowded restaurant when she saw Allen again. It had been, after all, nearly three months since she had seen him. As she drove to the Tea Room she thought it strange that Allen didn't act surprised when he got her call ... but he did agree to the meeting ... she supposed that was a good sign after all these weeks. She had butterflies in her tummy and her hands trembled just a little.

It took Rose only a moment to recognize Jennifer's nervousness when she came into the Tea Room. True to form, Rose patted her hand and said, "Let me fix you a special cup of tea ..." and she was off to the kitchen. Within a few minutes Rose produced one of her famous cups and sat it before Jennifer, "Take your time with this, you have a few minutes before your young man is supposed to arrive, I'm sure you'll feel better by then." Rose attended to other customers in the Tea Room but made sure she watched as Jennifer sipped at her tea.

Finally the bell on the front door jingled as someone opened it and Rose looked up to see Allen coming in. She walked over and extended her hand, "Welcome to the Tea Room. If this is your first time here, may I suggest that table in the corner ..."

"Excuse me Rose," Jennifer got up from her table and walked toward them. The astonished look on Allen's face wasn't lost on either one of the women, "This gentleman is my guest for lunch" and she lifted her hand to take his. For the first time he could remember, Allen was speechless, he simply held out his hand and let Jennifer lead him to her table. Rose watched the two, awkward at first, shy smiles, but the stunned look on Allen's face never left.

Their lunch turned into a lingering two hours, with many cups of tea, much talk, and soft laughter. Finally, Allen rose to leave. He bent over and kissed Jennifer on the cheek, and he did notice that she stiffened again. But he smiled and said, "Can I call you?" His smile was returned by Jennifer, "Allen, it has been wonderful ... I do want to see you again ... soon ... but I have a few things I must take care of first ... can I call you in a couple of weeks?"

His face smile faded, but the tenderness in his eyes was still there for anyone who wanted to see. "Yes, Jennifer, I'll wait until I hear from you. Please don't take too long ... I'm not sure I can bear it." Then, uncharacteristically, he bent, took her hand, smoothly turned it over and kissed her palm. Rose heard the quick intake of air across the room when Jennifer gasped, and thought, "Good for you, Allen! Good for you!"

After Allen left, Rose sat down with Jennifer. "Well, how did it go with your young man?" "Oh, Rose, I almost melted when I saw him. I have missed him more than I realized, and seeing him today churned up all those feelings I was trying to bury. I am, I'm afraid, hopelessly in love with him and it breaks my heart!"

"Why, Jen? It was obvious you had the same affect on him ... aren't you glad he still loves you, too?" Rose was on a delicate fishing trip and Jennifer had no earthly idea.

"Oh, I saw he loves me, too ... and I saw the want in his eyes ... but I still can't bear the thought of being touched ... when he kissed me on my cheek ... did you see? ... I cringed. I probably would break down into hysterics if he ever tried to make love to me. It's hopeless."

"Maybe not, Jen, maybe not hopeless." Rose tilted up Jennifer's chin until she looked straight into her eyes, "You've trusted me up until now ... can you trust me a bit further? The road you need to travel now is the last one before your destination. If I'm right ... and I honestly think I am ... when you complete your journey, you can accept Allen and everything he has to offer with open arms and an open heart.

It will may prove to be a difficult pilgrimage for you, but if you persevere, you'll not regret it."

"What is it, Rose? What is it I must do now?", Jennifer's concern and confusion was evident in her expression and the way she leaned forward to receive Rose's answer.

"I've been giving it some thought, Jen ..." Rose gathered Jennifer's hand with both of hers, "your libido is not dead ... it's just buried or in a comma ... and I think I know a way we can wake it up again. Do you think you could manage to trust me now with not only your secret and your friendship ... I need your permission now for another trainer ... someone who can gently lead you on this journey."

Jennifer quickly sat straight up and looked at Rose through anger and revulsion, "Rose! I've never heard of such a thing ... I can't possibly do that ... it's just not right."

A slow smile cross Rose's face, "Jen ... there's nothing right or wrong about it ... it just is. Sensual pleasure is as important as eating or sleeping or laughing ... and just as essential. Until you can learn to enjoy that part of your life, you'll never be whole again. And, if you don't allow this, those awful people will have ultimately won ... don't give in to them. You can rise above what they did to you ..."

As Rose spoke, Jennifer slumped in her seat. She didn't speak for several minutes, but simply stared at her hands. Finally she looked up, "Before I agree, I have to know more about what you plan. I can't make myself vulnerable to the unknown."

"Alright," Rose began, "I have a colleague ... a wonderful man. He's handsome and gentle and kind ... he has the finesse to guide you through the mazes of sensuality. He has the intelligence to know that it may take several sessions, he has the sensitivity to stop when you become uncomfortable. In all things, in all ways, you will be in control. He will be your guide, but you will lead the expedition. How does that sound?"

"I haven't been alone with a man in more than five years ... I don't think I want to be alone with a man now ... even if you personally vouch for him ... I don't think I can trust that far." Jennifer almost reverted into the gray little mouse she was before Rose began working with her ..."Jen, don't worry. I'll be with you every step of the way ... no, not in the room ... but very near by. If you panic, if anything goes wrong, you will simply need to call my name, I'll be at your side within moments. Does that ease your mind?"

Jennifer shrugged, "A little I guess. Let me think about it. I'll call you tonight. I guess I'd better be going now ... I've got several errands to run before I go home. As she pushed out her chair to leave Rose interjected, "One other thing, Jen, do you ever talk to yourself?"

"Now that's an odd thing to ask ... I guess everyone does, why?" "Well," Rose stood to face her, "from now on ... every morning when you finish your make up and hair ... I want you to look in the mirror and say out loud, 'You glorious bitch! Don't you ever die!" Jennifer started laughing and Rose joined in, they walked arm in arm to the door, and Rose bade her good-by, "I'll wait to hear from you tonight."

Rose hung up the telephone and called for Agnes, "Agnes, would you ask Mr. Emerly to join me on the terrace tonight about 7:00? Thank you, tell him I'll be waiting."

When I walked out the back door I saw Rose standing with her back to me. She was looking over the extensive collection of rose bushes she had planted in the back yard ... making walkways of bark meandering through the gardens, "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Jackson," she began, "I've just heard from Jennifer. She is willing, although very nervous about it, to let you be her guide. The sessions will begin tomorrow afternoon." We began to slowly make our way through the intricate little footpaths as Rose continued to talk. "Jennifer will be here at 2:00 tomorrow. She and I will have tea before I usher her into the studio. I think you should already be in the studio when we arrive. I don't want her anxiety level rising, wondering about when you'll enter and what you might do.

I've assured her that she is in control of the whole situation, that you are her servant in all ways. If she says stop, you will stop immediately ... if you sense that she is stiffening or tensing up, you will retreat or stop completely ... you will be free, however, to take her as far in each session as she is able to go. Now, have you ever worn a caftan?"

I shook my head 'no', and she continued, "I didn't think so. I've given this some thought, and while you should be as handsome and charming as possible, I think the caftan will disguise some of your obvious masculine charms, the effect of mystery should also help Jennifer. Love making, after all, is not all physical ... Now then, to a delicate question.