by SmileWhenYouMeanIt
What the **** was that meant to be ? It certainly was not a story. A waste of a good read. Do NOT give up any day job you might have
I think the previous comment was a bit harsh, I think its obvious the story is building towards something, its a first chapter after all, I say keep going, everyones entitled to their own opinion but I liked it as a beginning.
After a second reading, I still find it intriguing. A fruity hook with the intended reaction from the male gathering. The response of the Grea Tahl increased the coming adventure. The wandering concubine, her demise, and her amore's departure fit the power of the Tahl. The internal dialogue rises the reader's expectations.
Enticing, I am intrigued. A nice buildup is equivalent to good foreplay. Not appreciated by those who prefer a quick fuck. Anticipating the next chapter.
Nice vocab, plus we’ve learnt a lot about position, social cues and where the power does and doesn’t lay in this short story, sadly not everyone can understand inference.