All Comments on 'Serpentine Ritual'

Very good, a few grammatical errors, but they're common. Altogether a really good start for a series. I also hope you continue your other series

That was the most pathetic story I've ever read on here and I've been reading for a while, I didn't even get halfway through, stop writing, for the good of everyone else on this site, you wouldn't know talent if it bit you on the ass cheek.

Seriously? I mean, thank you for making me laugh at my own foolishness for believing that everyone on this site was not some... you know I don't think there's a word to describe my perception of you. I WILL continue to write. I WILL continue to do what I enjoy, and I WILL never let imbecilic hate comments like yours ruin what I love to do, you don't like it? Fine, but if you have nothing that may improve the reader or have actual reasons for why you did not like the story then please never write another word on this website. Another thing, how can you possibly even try to say that I don't have talent, people strive to improve, they work hard to perfect what they love, sure many have natural talent, but most people don't. They will try and sometimes they will fail, but it's our perseverance that makes us humans.

Thank you for offering your opinions though, and I will take the fact that you did not like this story into consideration when I write further installments. Thank you for reading my story, this still shows a form of support even though it's unintentional.

Yes, very nice start to the story! Thank you for sharing this with us. I look forward to reading more of them!

What you've got is definately a good start, but it is definately lacking an ending. This would be obvious even without the 'to be continued...' at the bottom. Like I said, it's good material, but the absence of continuing story is a little saddening.

Please, keep going! And finish the story too!

The second part should be up shortly, so I hope you will enjoy as much as the first part. The same to everyone else, please offer your opinions when it comes. I am also working on a new story that'll probably end up being a three or four parter. I hope you'll all enjoy it as well when it comes out.

they admittedly did not read the entire post. I, too, have been reading on Lit for very long time, (how long has Lit been around? I think I found shortly there after), and I have read some incredibly bad stories; much, much worse than 'Serpentine...', but this is an AMATEUR authors' site AND free. So, to anon 2013: STFU and write something yourself, you ass.

@SexGun...

Way to stick up for yourself. Overall, not a bad start. I had a little bit of a difficult time getting into the story, you probably should have spent a bit more time developing the protagonist's character before jumping right into her transformation, etc, but I would have to re-read the chapter to give you anything more detailed or insightful.

What I did want to bring up with you is something I have seen before on Lit, (and would like to see it end), which is why I'm publicly dragging you through the mud, instead of doing it privately. (joking, it won't be muddy).

The issue is with penetration of a woman's womb, or uterus. According to all medical opinions I have found, it would be virtually impossible for the cervix to be penetrated with an erection. In order for an MD to insert nearly anything into a cervix, (and access the uterus), drugs must be administered to dialate, (open/relax), the cervix. Typically drugs would also be administered to calm/relax the patient and more drugs may be administered to prevent pain.

Forcing an erection, (BTW, the larger it is, the MORE improbable it would enter), into a cervix/womb might be applicable to a plot line, but only if your character needs to experience life-altering pain, most likely with accompanied unconsciousness, as well. There is also a chance of physical injury, possibly permanent damage, in addition.

In other words, it is not something to be thought of as an 'ultimate erotic experience' leading to 'unimaginable orgasms', to paraphrase another author using penile cervix penetration in a story. Nor is it a literary technique for certain impregnation; in actuality, the opposite would most likely be the case due to the emotional and physical trauma.

Just like another, though less common, Literotica myth: the 'Re-grown Hymen', the concept of cervix penetration with a penis needs to die off.

Please help it do so if you ever decide to do a re-write/re-post of 'Serpentine...' and please keep my words in mind if you think about using it anywhere else.

Thanks... (not too muddy, I hope ;})

GeoD

While I can agree with you on the cervix penetration, however this isn't a story based in reality, and is also one of my first and quite frankly a personal dislike for me. I can understand how a normal human's penis wouldn't be able to enter a woman's womb, however nothing I write, nor do I enjoy, has anything to do with realistic sex.

As far as I'm concerned, if you write something and trying to realistic, then the facts need to match up, but when you've got a story about some kind of deity merging with a human woman and turning her into a demigod futanari, I think cervical penetration is one of the few crazy things, besides the others, that could have been done here.

There is a concept in writing called, 'Suspension of Disbelief' (SoD). This is when an author asks the reader to accept something a person would ordinarily not believe.

It is a rather tricky thing, though, and not as simple as being able to write anything you wish. An author can't just write anything and expect a reader to say, "Sure, I'll buy that."

In order to be successful with 'SoD', a writer has to build a basis for the reader to believe the extra-ordinary. Sci-fi writers do it by placing things in the future and get readers to go along with all sorts of crazy stuff, but they still make sure things don't get so ridiculous they start violating basic laws of physics, for example. If they do want to venture into violating physics, they make sure to lay a foundation, first.

Fantasy writers get away with a lot by using 'magic', but I've seen writers get hammered by readers if their magic wielders start acting differently than a normal person might in the same situation, if magical abilities suddenly came to them. I've heard the same writers try to defend themselves by saying, 'What, you're going to accept the character suddenly gained magic, but not that they act abnormally?'

The response typically is a resounding, 'Yes!, that's exactly what we're saying." The reason is, the author did not spend even 2-3 sentences giving any kind of plausible reason the character would act abnormally.

Readers want to be able to see themselves in characters, it's part of the escapism in certain forms of literature. As soon as a character does something a reader isn't given a reason for, they no longer can see themselves as the character.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you don't want to loose the SoD in your readers, invest the time necessary to make whatever outlandish behavior, activity or incident plausible.

Typically it doesn't take much, a few sentences can suffice. It all depends on how out, the outlandish gets!

In the end, you will become a better writer if you give some thought to managing SoD in your readers, and your writing will also become more popular.

Hope this helps...

“God is so hetero that he’ll kill a dude for showing his junk”

*all the women fuck each other and god is cool with it*

Bro just say this god is your average homophobic straight dude.