All Comments on 'Seth and Lisa'

Good story but please edit or get an editor to

clean up the mess before publishing things....

That is under five foot, eleven inches, I get turned off right away. It is like a bucket of cold water over my head. Same goes with female characters and the words "chunky, chubby, Rubenesque, thick or a couple of extra pounds on the butt."

Sorry, but it is a personal preference thing.

The story includes several misprints.

white should be write.

interior should be ulterior.

etc.

"rather read a book or white my own stuff " so you are a creative "whiter"

"You know, I think you have interior motives for doing this." I guess this may or may not be a spill cheque error, since his motive is to be in her interior.

the story was very good. Can't see why people can't get over minor technical probs.

I am sorry for the spelling mistakes. As I said before, I tend to write stories very fast, and thus, some mistakes I tend to miss. I am sorry for them, and I always try to avoid making them. However, I am still proud of this story. It's not the best story I've written on this site, but I think it shows I have improved since I am started. Sorry if you are disappointed, but I like this story, and will write more about these characters sometime soon.

The writing is technically proficient, but the dialogue and and storyline is really average. This is another "they fall into bed together" story. There was no angst, drama, etc at all about what they were doing and how it would affect them.

That said, you could have just made this a best friends or dream girl story, not incest. Without concern of their relationship, it's just two people rutting. Also, the 8 inch dick part made me roll my eyes. Normally I quit reading at that point, but the story was good enough to continue.

This was a good story, Seth nicely deprecating about his own shortcomings, it just could have done with a little proof-reading; there's no need to rush a story onto the site, it still takes forever for them to appear, so you might as well take your time and get it right! Next time, get someone else to read your stories before you post them, a second pair of eyes will pick up the things you missed, and you won't get the nit-picking and moaning about misspelling. A good effort, though, and hey, it can only get better! Well done, keep going!

'Kind of liked "interior motives" - they were certainly interior to Seth. But I agree the story wasn't specifically incest - Lisa could have been any cheerleader, if she hadn't been called his sister. There were no real emotions ascribed to the relationship. Nevertheless, Newwriter shows talent, and I'll be keeping an eye out for other stories. But do some editing. So many writers here seem to not even reread their work and pick up on things they could easily correct themselves, much less let someone else edit for them. Please do something.

PLEASE tell me you intend to post more!!!

Would like to see this story continued. Keep writing. English comp is not for everyone, the only subject I just skinned by with in college.

however, the persistent 8 inch dick mentions were a bit tedious. One mention should suffice.

I think it could use a little more of a build up between the two. The grammatical and spelling errors are easy fixes. Try to slow down with your writing, it'll only improve the story that much more. Keep it up, though!

spelling errors, wrong words,rushed weak plot and no real end. add it up and you get a waste of time, this is why so many readers keep saying USE A GOOD EDITOR BEFORE POSTING. if you are proud of this your high school needs to demand you give back your diploma.

The story was great and I gave It 5 stars just for the kick ass reference to the movie the rock

Would one of the secretive but sarcastic 'anonymouses" (and that is a deliberate spelling variation) care to create a word from their superior lexicon to describe the oh so common Literotica 8 inch phallus.

That is my show off for the day.

I love your story is like my wend i fuck my litter sister

it seems you are only writing for yourself SO KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. if you are really writing for the readers USE A GOOD EDITOR. if you have any pride in your work (and the condition of your stories prove you don't) but IF you do you will delete all your stories and run them through a good editor before reposting.

Good start but you really need an editor. Self-editing is a good start but you can look over obvious mistakes because you know what you meant to say and that's how you'll read it.

Also, for stories involving incest there needs to be more build up to the whole "let's shower together" or "let's fuck" scenes. These character, who are supposed to be people are making MAJOR life changing decisions involving fucking their family members. That needs more build-up than "two hours". Let the situation boil for a week or so and don't just tell us how unbearable it was, show us.

Describe how family dinners became awkward. Describe him going to her door to talk only to stop before knocking and going back to his room. Describe him starting to stroke one out to thoughts of his sister, only to stop because of guilt. Hell, describe him becoming angry at her for reading his journal, most people would have tried to deflect their own guilt by casting stones of their own.

Make your characters real people with real motives beyond "how fast can I get these people fucking?" They'll be more memorable and your stories better enjoyed. It just takes practice.

Way too short. Otherwise a great story.

she looked like a 6 yr old with her shaved PP. she knew her boy brother wasn't ready for a woman...