Sex Club for Nerds and Geeks Ch. 16

We sat at an empty table.

"The emergency room called about an hour ago, said they have a patient with a big cut on his face, infected. The uniforms have secured the place, he's not going anywhere.

"We think he's our guy, and my partner has taken the pictures from the surveillance cameras over to confirm. If it looks like him, we'll question him. We just wanted you to know."

"Thanks, detective, uh . . ." I hadn't remembered their names, even though they'd given me their cards.

"Stymolowski. Don't worry, nobody remembers the first time." We shook hands and he headed for the door. I went back to Martha.

"Cop?"

"Detective. They think they've got the guy, he showed up in the emergency room with a big cut on his face. They have photos from the surveillance cameras and they're checking now.

"I'm really relieved. So," I said brightly, "that means I've got an empty weekend calendar. You available?"

"Nope, got a date. We're going to the country fair three counties over. Some friends of Charlie's are playing there, four shows in two days. But I'm seeing you for dinner on Tuesday, right?"

"Right." I kissed her on the cheek. "Have fun."

Martha caught up to Charlie and the two of them picked up their instruments and walked away.

And I was alone.

Back at the apartment, I reviewed the damage. We'd lost 9 interviews due to the robbery, five on Thursday and four today. I emailed each one, asking them to sign up for a new date. I did a draft of a letter to everyone still to be interviewed about the change in the way they would be paid, and sent it to Anna for approval.

*

By dinnertime, I felt like having a steak, so I headed to the union. I was almost at the American food court when someone called out my name.

The voice came from a bunch of oriental kids at a small cluster of tables in the Italian food court. I recognized one of them as Mai, the student who was with me when the robber burst in and took our money. She introduced me and told them how scared she'd been and how heroic I had been.

"She's being modest. Actually, Mai here was a tiger," I said. "Look at it this way: I got robbed of almost a thousand dollars and got cut up for my trouble. Mai kept her money and she made a guy with a knife run away from her." She grinned shyly and I was invited to join them for dinner.

I took my camera from my belt and proceeded to take pictures of everyone. One of them took the camera and photographed me and Mai, together and in the group. Mai and one other girl were wearing skirts, but the rest were typical college students, jeans or shorts and a t-shirt.

As we ate, Mai explained about her summer program. There were eleven of them, ten students and a trip leader. While they were all Americans, they or their parents came from eight different countries. There were two each from Taiwan, Singapore, and China, and one each from Indonesia, Japan, Thailand (Mai), Korea, and Vietnam.

Their summer-long program was in three parts. First was four weeks here, studying with a pretty-well-known visiting scholar of American-Asian studies, followed by a four-week bus trip around the American West and Northwest, stopping at places where thousands of Asians were buried along railroad rights-of-way or in cemeteries of towns they had founded.

By mid-August they would arrive in San Francisco, where their sponsor, the Asian-American Advocacy Consortium, was holding a three-day scholarly program in Asian immigrant studies at Berkeley.

Gradually I found I wasn't interested in the conversation Mai and her friends were carrying on. To my left was the other skirt-clad girl, petite with long raven hair and the thickest Southern accent I'd ever heard.

"Where're you from? I've never heard a Southern accent as thick as yours."

"We're from Minnesota," she said, deadpan.

"Oh."

She giggled. "I'm Jennifer," she said, and we shook hands. "Actually, I was born in Vietnam, but my parents moved to Minnesota when I was five. A year later we moved to Arkansas."

And off we went.

"I didn't know any English at all when we came here. Dad knew some, because he worked for a company that did business with British and American companies.

"I picked up some in kindergarten, but when dad got this job and we moved to Minnesota and then Arkansas, I was thrown into an all-English first-grade class.

"I was lucky, Southerners talk slow, but I still needed help. Since the town has this military base, they found someone who knew some Vietnamese from the war, and she worked with us.

"By the time first grade was over, I was okay. The family that lived next door to us had a son who helped me a lot. I got my accent from him."

We finished dinner and everyone was getting ready to leave. "There's a concert tonight, at the football stadium, Jen," said Mai. "You guys wanna come?"

"I'm gonna skip it, Mai, thanks," said Jennifer. "I'm not in the mood. See y'all back at the dorm. Stay sober!"

We left the union together, not heading anywhere in particular. I wanted to continue our conversation. It was a warm evening and we walked all over.

Eventually we found a bench and sat. And, for absolutely no reason I will ever know, I unloaded on her, coming as clean about myself as I ever had with anyone. Maybe it was the pent-up emotion from the robbery, but the dam broke.

By ten, Jennifer knew about my social zero-ness in high school and how I had obsessed about photography. I told her about moving off-campus, about Pete, about the club. I told her about living with and being rejected by Cindy; how I'd reacted with impotence to sex with Pat; and what I'd done when I found out that Lisa had written a dark story about me that had been accepted by The New Yorker. I told her about how I got my summer job and about how I felt that I wasn't in charge of my own life — I just dumped everything on her.

I'd skipped the part about losing my virginity. When I came back to it, I dissolved, just bawled. Jennifer held me.

After I calmed down, she stood up and took my hand. "C'mon, Carl, it's getting late. I'll walk you home."

She thought leaving our shoes at the front door was normal. I got a couple of Sprites and we settled down on the couch. She curled her legs under herself, adjusted her skirt, and turned to me.

"You are so lucky to be a white-bread American. Sure, you have your problems, but you have no idea what it's like being a foreigner, not speaking the language, coming to a place where there's nobody who looks like you in a million miles.

"I mean, here I am, this stranger in a strange land, and I'm short to boot. The nice kids called me 'China doll' or 'Singapore girl,' and the meaner ones said 'gook' or 'slope.' You'd'a thought the black girls would be more sympathetic, but they were just as mean. All the time I got picked on for being short, unathletic, flat hair, slanty eyed, inscrutable expression, bookworm, no tits, whatever.

"My only real friend was Jake, the boy next door. He was so patient, helping me with English. I'm a quick study, but first grade was tough. I got pretty good by second grade, though, and by third grade I was giving my parents English lessons. We still speak Vietnamese at home, but I don't read it very well anymore.

"I never really fit in, 'cause of the racism and also because I was bookish. I mean, I had friends, but I didn't date, don't play sports, wouldn't even consider cheerleading. I just read and hung around with Jake. The girls gave me a hard time about being short and flat, and the boys only wanted to date girls with big boobs.

"Jake played basketball and he practiced by the hour at the hoop in his driveway. I'd come out when I heard him dribbling the ball, and we'd just talk. He made the varsity in sophomore year, despite being six feet nothing, because he could shoot the eyes out of a squirrel from the outside.

"My crush started in sixth grade," she said softly. "We never talked about it, he was oblivious. In high school everybody thought we were a couple, even our parents thought we were made for each other. We'd go out, dinner sometimes, school plays, the usual stuff. We weren't dating, just being together.

"I was his 'we-tell-each-other-everything' pal. He dated, not a lot, but when he had one he'd tell me all about it. He wasn't boasting, 'cause he never got past second base, and he wasn't asking for advice, he was just sharing. I was always supportive, even about Crystal, the dog he dated for a year.

"I got a full scholarship to Yale, and he got one to Cornell. The high school had never had such academic success. I was overjoyed — I was getting out of Fort Payne! Even though I think he wanted to get away too, Jake never said anything like that, just that he was proud that he would be the first in his family to go to college, get a good education.

"Ithaca's not that far from New Haven. I figured we'd get together for a football weekend, or in New York City. Three times we made plans to meet, but something always came up.

"Since our scholarships only provided two roundtrips home each year, and we didn't want to waste one of them on Thanksgiving, we planned on being together then. My roommate invited us both for the holiday at her house, in the suburbs north of New York City.

"The Monday before, Jake called from the airport. His mother had had a heart attack, he was headed home.

"All through the holiday, it was agony. He called every day with a report. He was a wreck. I was too, because I really like his mom. She survived, and Jake was still her nurse when I got home for Christmas.

"The heart attack took a lot out of her. Rehab's gotten her to where she can walk pretty well, even drive. Her speech is okay, but she doesn't have the stamina to go back to work. So the family's in financial trouble, because she worked in one of the plants on the base and they need her income.

"After Christmas, school started up earlier for me than him. I was in New Haven when he called to tell me he wasn't going back to Cornell. I lost it! I cried for two days. I had escaped from Arkansas but Arkansas had sucked Jake back! Nobody could console me. They'd all heard about Jake this, Jake that, I think half of them didn't believe he really existed, he was so perfect. Now I had lost him.

"He's still there," she sighed. "We text, we talk. He's working as a mover, making good money, contributing at home and taking courses at the local branch of the state university. He's okay with the cards he's been dealt. Money's still real tight, probably always will be, he has to work.

"I joined the Asian-American Advocacy Consortium when I got to Yale, to find out who I am, my heritage. Asia's had more wars than Europe! China's expanded, contracted, gone isolationist. The Japanese did the same thing, hundreds of years of their own civil wars.

"Americans don't know how large a country Vietnam is. All they remember is the last civil war. We've fought the Chinese I don't know how many times, and the last civil war got complicated with throwing out the French colonialists and the American intervention. It's fascinating.

"My roommate worked on me to start dating. She fixed me up a couple of times and took me to mixers. She even got me a date for Dartmouth's Winter Carnival with a buddy of her boyfriend's. I got drunk for the first time, smoked my first joint, got cozy with the guy in his room. It was nice, but, well, I mean, there wasn't anything.

"I want JAKE! I LOVE him!" Now she was crying, wailing. "I'll never go back to Arkansas! The place is a dump! But Jake can't get away! It's tearing me up!"

I held her tightly. She was bawling into my chest and I had no idea what to do. I stroked her hair, kissed it, waited for her to calm.

"Aren't we a pair?" she sniffled as she pulled her head off my chest and leaned back on the couch. "You get your break-through but you can't seem to connect. I know who the one is but I can't get him to take the first step." She barked a harsh laugh.

Her cell rang. She flipped it open and at first spoke quietly to whoever was on the line, but then turned angry, and hung up.

"You know how late it is?"

"No." I pulled out my cell. "Oh my god, it's almost one! I'm sorry, I kept you out too long. I'll take you back to your dorm."

She shook her head. "That was our trip leader. We can do what we want, but we have to check in with him if we're not going to be in the dorm past midnight.

"He's this pushy guy, thinks all us girls should sleep with him 'cause he's Chinese and a hunk. When I told him where I was, he said 'giving it away to the scrawny white guy, eh? You don't know what you're missing.' He's drunk, and that makes me nervous. Can I stay here tonight?"

I was stunned by the request. "Uh, okay, sure." I stood up. "You can use the couch, I'll get some sheets," and bolted to my room.

When I came back, she had taken the cans to the kitchen and was sitting on the couch.

"Got an extra t-shirt?"

"Sure. But why?"

"I like to sleep in a night shirt. One of yours ought to do the trick," she smiled.

"Uh, yeah, sure, okay, c'mon." We went into my room and I opened the drawer. "Take your pick." She took the top one and held it up against her. It hung slightly below her knees.

"This'll do fine. Can I borrow the visiting team toothbrush?"

I blushed. "Uh, fresh one in cellophane, second shelf in the medicine cabinet."

She came out in the shirt and smiled at how I had made up the couch.

"All the comforts of home, eh?"

"Yup." In the awkward silence, we just looked at each other.

"Good night. I'll leave my door open so you have the benefit of the air conditioner."

I dreamed about a sprite, like Tinker Bell. She hovered over me, lightly touching me with her wand, forgiving me for something I didn't know anything about. Over and over again I tried to capture her, but she flitted away.

Around seven I woke to find Jennifer on top of the sheet, spooned behind me, with the blanket over us both. I gently moved away, covered my nakedness with my hand, and went to pee. I checked the pile of her clothes and deduced that she only had the t-shirt on.

She was laying on her back, the blanket pulled up under her chin when I entered the room. I blushed and hustled under the covers.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I said.

"I shouldn't be here, I'm sorry, I just, I just, I felt alone out there."

"That's okay. In fact it's fine. It's not often I wake up with a beautiful girl in my bed."

"Liar! You've bedded more girls than I've had dates in my whole life."

I blushed but took up the challenge. "But not one of them spoke with a Southern accent, none's under 5-4, and — well, you know what I mean."

"No I don't. Tell me."

"I mean," I fumbled, "I mean, maybe it's that you're so different than me, your experiences are so different, I don't know. But last night felt so good, so right.

"I can't explain what came over me. I do holding it all in real well. I unloaded way too much personal stuff on you. I apologize for doing it, but it gave me the most wonderful dream. I've never talked so intimately with someone in my life.

"When you gave a lot of the same thing back, I felt so, I dunno, so warm, so accepted. No one's ever done that to me, not even close. Facts, sure, but feelings, no. So I'm just glad you're here. And you are beautiful."

After the awkward pause that followed, I said "You like Cheerios?"

"Love Cheerios. I'll brush my teeth and meet you in the kitchen," and she bounced out to the bathroom. I got my robe and headed for the kitchen.

I had two bowls of Cheerios, the milk container and two glasses, spoons, mugs, and paper napkins on the coffee table when she emerged from the bathroom.

"I've got tea and instant coffee. Which would you like?"

"Coffee, with milk, please," she said as she plopped onto the couch, carefully tucking her legs under her and making sure the front of the t-shirt was pulled into her crotch. I made the coffee and we ate in silence. At one point, when she reached for the milk, the t-shirt pulled out and puddled in her lap.

"Is this what you usually do with a girl in the morning after she's spent the night with you?"

I coughed, and some milk came out of my nose.

Here goes nothing.

"Uh, well, since it's almost always a weekday and we know each other, at least a little bit, we'll talk about what we're going to do today. We're at least acquaintances. Usually we'll go out to the union for breakfast.

"If it's a weekend morning, like today, maybe we'll take a shower together, then go back to bed and fuck each other's brains out."

"Is that what you'd like to do with me?"

I looked at her very seriously. "Jennifer, you're taken. You are so taken, with Jake, even if he's in Arkansas and you're here. I can't even think of you that way."

"I've never slept in the same bed with a guy. Until last night."

I waited for her to continue.

"I couldn't get to sleep. I was thinking how similar we are, me trying to get started. I mean, our situations are different, but we're on the same path. I couldn't get to sleep. So I picked up and came into your room.

"You were on your side, smiling. I spread the blanket out and laid down under it. I felt your warmth. It was very nice."

"But Jake's the one, you and I both know that," I said, warily. "All you have to do is figure out how to, you know, get together."

"You're right, he is my one and my only. But I'm not going to see him this summer, not this fall, not even over Christmas break, 'cause my dad has this crazy thing about skiing, so we're going to Missouri for Christmas."

"So not till next summer? A year? That's a long wait."

"Yeah." We looked at each other.

"You could —"

"I mean —"

We both spoke at once.

"You go."

"No, that's okay, you first."

"Nope, I ain't talkin'."

"Ummm, Arkansas ejikashun spoken here?"

She giggled. "You're just like him."

"How so?"

"It's always banter, we never get to the point, we don't dare say what's on our minds. I'm afraid he'll run away if I make any sort of a move."

"And if I made a move?"

"I'd consider it seriously."

I brushed her lips with mine as I leaned into her. Their softness and her sleep smell stirred me. I rimmed her lips and reached across her to run my fingers through her hair. She opened her mouth slightly. Our tongues met and I couldn't help smiling.

Jennifer wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled us together. She tasted like coffee, milk, Cheerios. I fought my desire and stayed upright as I held her head in my hands, kneading her neck at the base of her skull.

When I gave in, it was to her chest pushing against mine. I fell backwards, carrying her with me.

She sat up, straddling my chest, a broad grin on her face. "Now I've gottcha where I wantcha!"

"Jennifer, we can't. This isn't right! You're —".

"I'm right where I want to be." She reached behind her and grabbed my sudden stiffness. "And I know where I want this to be."

"No! No, please, don't do this! You'll regret it."

"I will not! I want this!" She squeezed, hard.

I humped her up in the air and slid off the couch. When she came down, I pinned her against the back. She dissolved into tears and her whole body shook as she wailed.

Well, this is a switch, turning down sex with a good-looking girl. Why not, you can get it anytime you want, from any of three girls. No, it's not about the sex, it's about her. She wants something you shouldn't give her, she's using sex to convince herself of something. God this is circular.

As her sobs slowed, Jennifer pulled away, looking so miserable it hurt.

"You don't want me?"

"Not hardly. You felt that."

"Then why? You like sex, you said I'm attractive, it's a weekend morning. You want to shower first, then do it, is that it? You said —"