All Comments on 'Sex with Music Band Member'

You need an English speaking editor and if English is your native language you need to go back to school.

You had a pretty decent idea to work with. But you desperately need an editor. The grammar and syntax errors alone are off putting and make it very difficult for one to enjoy the story because they are constantly required to stop and try to figure out what you are saying. For example "Half of I was inside her". Were you trying to say "Half of it was inside her" or "Half of me was inside her" or "I was halfway inside her" All of these work much better. Don't give up because of harsh comments. Take them to heart and try to improve your writing. The first step is finding someone to edit your work and help you to make sure you are achieving a proper flow.

It's that i was pretty too exited to submit my first story. I'l give a damn to what you just said next time. Thanx for the feedback. :)

You really need an editor.