All Comments on 'Sexual Evolution'

I loved the cheeky tone of this; there's a sense of humor in all the craziness and it's also, in a pedal-to-the-metal way, deliciously erotic albeit crass. Crassly classy? Well, it's unusual, and quite well done. Tho the anal does happen too quickly to be plausible, I guess it goes with the whole pile-on nature of the scene. The dialogue is just what I imagine a vintage classic porno to be. It's like this story has its own soundtrack. Very entertaining!

wasted on a stupid story.

this silliness, you have to be retarded or have no life at all.

Sexy story. There just has to be more chapters.

The title of this Tall Tale is misleading. I see change, but NOT evolution! There is no rationale offered or suggested which would have tempted a gradually deteriorating marital relationship to drastically and rapidly change. No new & wild friends, no claim of hormonal changes, no office romance, no new vitamins...nada! The lead-up to the club is silly, the club activities are just bizarre.

In addition, the 'writing mechanics' are poor. Isolated lines are hot, but when strung together, they are either risible or depressing (depending on the readers' proclivities!)

2*

Just goes to prove the world has a very large population of sicko's.

Feels like some folks are wishing this story were more than it is. It's not a psychological thriller, or scientific analysis. I'll admit, everything after the mention of the club, from the bachelor party performer, to the name, to the free passes, and the events that night, are well beyond the accepted boundaries of reasonable expectations. But before that, she just became more sexual, enjoyed an increase in desire. Sure, there are writers on this site that could have stretched page one into 3 seven-part chapters, starting with her childhood, and describing everything from her fourth grade teach to the economy. But to what end? It would be inappropriate in this story. She wanted it more, and they had fun. And that part was told well; fresh, brisk and interesting.

And the wheels came off. Seriously, dude, the whole club thing. Perhaps the area of your brain where writing skills reside suffered a sudden loss of blood? It was the opposite of the beginning: trite, flat, overly forced and trying too hard. The phrase "like she was giving birth" is not clever enough to use once; you used it twice.

Nonetheless, page one shows promise and imagination. A decent first effort, but maybe you overreached. Try again. But try harder.

This is the start by chapter three he will only be of use to cleaner her out.

I thought I was in LW, not Non-Erotic. My bad.

Oh. Wait. You mean this IS LW? Could have fooled me with shit this bad.