- Gay Male
- Shackles Ch. 01
- Page 2
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Click hereThe vampire smiled down at him after a few moments when he seemed to have caught his breath. He gave one more teasing stroke as he slowly pulled out. He laid down beside Nile, reaching up to caress his hair. He kissed Nile gently.
"I've never been fucked like that," Nile confessed. "My God, I didn't know it could be so good."
Arden grinned, his fangs showing. "Mmm, you're such a sweet little innocent thing. I want to show you the world, but at the same time protect you from it." Arden kissed him softly. "Can I please have a little drink? I won't take much and it'll feel really good for you. I promise."
"Yeah...sure," Nile said.
Arden caressed Nile's hair and kissed him again. "You're so damn sweet. So willing to please." He kissed Nile's neck and Nile felt the small familiar prick. There was a gentle sucking sensation that felt very pleasant. He was barely aware he was bleeding. This did feel nice. It was a strange new intimacy. He held the vampire close, stroking his hair. After a few moments, the vampire backed away. Nile felt slightly light-headed.
"Sorry...I think I took a little more than I intended," Arden said. He bit his tongue and licked the marks with his blood, healing them instantly.
"It's okay...it felt...nice," Nile said.
"You should have something to eat," Arden said.
"Later," Nile said. "I'm fine. I just want to lie here with you."
Arden smiled. "I can't argue with that."
The vampire held Nile close, kissing him gently. A few moments passed and Arden sighed. "I have to go. The sun will be up soon."
"Will I see you again?" Nile asked, his heart stopping.
Arden gazed into Nile's beautiful brown eyes. "As soon as possible."
The vampire kissed him and he was gone. As if he'd never been there. Nile reached out to the empty place beside him. Arden's scent and warmth left behind.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoThis story has my heart, I've had a similar experience of corse not a vampire but you get the gist. I absolutely adore the way it's written. Please I want more... No I need more
cliffgirl08almost 12 years agoFor a first time story this was pretty good. The end was a little rushed, and I too would have liked more development between Nile and Arden, but it's a learning curve.
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoLOVE LOVE LOVE... Haven't been any vampire stories written lately and this is just great. Agree with others that it was kind of jumped ahead with the whole sex scene but I'm definitely not complaining . I like stories that move along and not stories with a ton of chapters that are pretty much about the same thing. Keep up the good work :)
lonesomedove66almost 12 years agoVery nice and I won't add what has been said but a great start
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoOverall, so far so good. You do have an excellent storyline, and it's got me piqued. The main thing that sticks out to me is the lack of character build-up. Arden attacked Nile -- there should have been a little bit more fear lingering within Nile, with deeper questioning of himself and his behavior towards Arden. It seemed a little abrupt to have Nile give in so easily without a little bit of soul searching as to why he's feeling the way he is. Also, it's not enough for Arden to lay low and then suddenly appear. How and where was he hiding? What, if anything, did he encounter in the process? What about his POV? What makes Nile so special to him? Is there a bonding/mating process yet to be realized? Well, you get the idea...
Not everything has to be explained at once, obviously. Hints, teasers, cliffhangers are all good, and you can certainly use a little bit more in this story. Just be careful not to add layer upon layer without providing answers to what you've already laid out in previous chapter(s).
Again, a wonderful story. Can't wait for the next installment! :-)
Brigid_Mo_Chroialmost 12 years agoAuthorI appreciate the compliments as well as the constructive criticism. Let me confess, this is my first attempt at an erotic story. It is a learning experience for me. Please forgive me if I left out some things or didn't fill out some parts enough. I will take everything I learn from this and apply it to whatever else I write. Bear with me. Let me know what I'm doing wrong and what I'm doing right.
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoI thought you started out very good. I liked the description of the interaction in the prison. I like the world you've started to build. However, I quit reading during the sex scene, not because it wasn't well-described, but because you didn't bring me along. I needed more fear, more shock, more outrage from Nile. I needed description of how Arden overcomes that. It would be helpful for Nile to have desires for Arden right from the start when he first sees him. You described how the nip gave him goosebumps several times, but wasn't there anything else? His smell, his look, his aura? His personality certainly didn't seem to be a draw, but I was able to assume that he would get better at some point. However, I was not able to suspend my disbelief that Nile would let Arden have his way so easily. Surely he would have put up more of a fight.
I rated it a 4 because the beginning was good. Usually if I quit reading a story before the end I'll rate it a 3.
