Shane and Carmen: The Novelization Ch. 22

"Hey, where is everybody?" they heard Alice calling out from the main room. "I'm here to help."

"We're over here," Carmen called out to her. "Dana's serving her next point. C'mere."

"Guys, this place is so--" Alice tried to say, but Shane loudly shushed her into silence. She sat down on the arm of the couch next to Carmen and watched the woman she loved obsessively play tennis.

Dana served and won the first point with a good backhand down the line. She lost the next point when Ludmilla forced her to lob. It was 15-15.

The TV close-up showed Dana seeming to struggle with herself.

"She looks like she's hurting," Shane said quietly.

"C'mon, Dana, pick it up, let's go," Alice whispered.

Dana seemed to find some inner reserve of energy, and the camera held her up close as she rocked into her serve. It was an ace down the center line. Dana led, 30-15. She tossed the ball up again, firing another ace.

"Amazing serve!" the woman TV announcer said, and the male announcer added, "Exactly! And when she needs it she digs deep and she finds it." It was 40-15, match point. The crowd hushed.

Dana served again into the center line and Ivanova blocked it back into what became a long volley.

"Come on, Dana, you can do it," Alice whispered.

On the TV screen the camera cut away from the court to the stands, showing Dana's mother and Dana's girlfriend, Lara, tensely watching. The mere sight of Lara was enough to paralyze Alice.

Dana edged toward the center of the court, anticipating. Ludmilla returned cross-court and Dana shot one down the line for a clean winner. "Game, set and match to Fairbanks!" the stadium loudspeaker said, its voice drowned out by a screaming crowd. At Wax Shane, Carmen and Alice screamed, jumping up and down and hugging each other.

"There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. Dana Fairbanks is the Mercedes Challenge champion," the male announcer said. "An absolutely brilliant performance by a somewhat fatigued Dana Fairbanks."

Just then the camera showed Dana at the edge of the court as Lara ran up to her, hugged her madly, and then they were kissing, right there, on national television. Mouth to mouth.

Alice froze in horror.

***

There were more than two hundred people celebrating the grand opening of Shane for Wax by the time Dana and Lara Perkins got there. Dana saw Shane talking to some people outside the middle garage bay and snuck up behind her until she could put her hands on Shane's kidneys and give them a squeeze. Shane jumped and spun around.

"Wonder Woman! I can't believe it!" Shane shouted, giving Dana a big, warm hug in congratulation for the tennis victory. "You were fantastic!"

"Thank you," Dana said, laughing and raising her voice over the din of the music and the people.

Shane saw Lara standing behind Dana, smiling diffidently, and she reached out an arm to give Lara an awkward left-handed handshake. "Lara! I'm so glad you could come," Shane said, embracing her. Lara gave Shane a cheek-to-cheek Hollywood air kiss.

"We wouldn't have missed it," Lara said.

Just then Jenny, Moira and Helena came over, and there were more hugs and congratulations to Dana from everyone.

"I'm a big tennis fan. That volley in the second set, that was like, awesome!" Moira told Dana.

Dana was impressed and looked at Moira in a new way. "Thank you! Nobody else noticed that." They talked tennis for a minute and then Dana grabbed Shane by the elbow.

"C'mon, give us the tour," Dana said. "I've heard about your way cool work station and I want to see it."

Shane took them both by the hands and led them in to the building, which was packed with twenty-somethings. Chase had put a couple of his security people at the gate checking IDs and turning away anybody under twenty-one, since they were serving beer and wine. There were a couple of beer keg stations with stacks of disposable plastic cups, and Shane stopped at one, drawing a beer for Dana. "Come on," Shane said, handing her the beer, "you're not in training tonight!"

Lara declined a beer and said she'd have a glass of wine instead. She went to a makeshift bar nearby where one of Chase's people was pouring inexpensive chardonnay into plastic cups. When Lara got her wine, Shane led her and Dana to her work station that, like the rest of the place, was jammed with people. "This is really fab, Shane," Dana said, admiring the set-up despite how difficult it was to get a comprehensive view with all the people.

"Shane! Shane! We got another volunteer!" somebody shouted, and somebody else pushed a girl forward right in front of Shane. The woman was in her early twenties and was dressed andro, just as Shane was. She had spikey, semi-Goth red hair and Shane's vibes told her she was ultra-dyke. There was a big sign Chase had posted that said that anyone who wanted a skinhead mohawk could get one free, and that's what this girl had agreed to.

"You sure you want to do this, right?" Shane asked her. The girl nodded as several of her friends pushed her further forward, yelling, "Do it! Do it!"

"Okay, assume the position," Shane said, spinning her barber chair around and letting the girl sit down. Shane draped a barber cape around her, fastened it, and picked up her clippers and flicked its on-switch.

"Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!" the crowd chanted amid cheers and laughter. Shane mugged for the audience, pretending to study the girl's head and turn it this way and that, as though she'd had to study what she was about to do, but everybody knew the drill. After a moment Shane plunged ahead with the clippers, shearing the girl's skull like an Aussie shears a sheep. "Go! Go! Go!" the crowd kept up as Shane shaved away big swaths of the girl's hair around her ears and the back of her head. Shane turned the chair as she worked her way around the girl's head. It only took a minute, and when she was done the girl had only a narrow patch of hair left on the very top of her head, from her forehead back to the crown. The sides and back of her head were as bare as an Army recruit's. The crowd laughed, applauded and cheered as Shane held up a mirror so the girl could look into it. She took the mirror and looked into it, pretending to primp, and the crowd laughed. She handed the mirror back to Shane and jumped up out of the chair, and began a Rocky/Sylvester Stallone victory dance, her arms in the air as she bounced like a boxer.

***

Shane went outside for a cigarette. If possible, the place was even more packed with partying people than it was before. Shane figured for every thirty feet she walked she was stopped six times by someone offering congratulations, someone wanting to chat or someone just saying hi, introducing a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or to ask where the bathroom was. Shane had never shaken so many hands or done so many high fives and fist bumps in her life. It was a good feeling, a great feeling, even, but it was also exhausting.

"Hey," Chase said, coming up beside her. "Terrific night, huh? We got a great crowd," he said, lighting Shane's cigarette for her. "I've gotten nothing but compliments all night long. I think you're booked for two months, at least. I got people offering me bribes to get on your schedule."

"Cool," Shane said. "Hey, I just wanted to say, in case I don't get around to it later, how grateful I am for everything you've done."

"You're welcome, in spades. But remember, this wasn't just for you, and it wasn't charity. We're both gonna make a ton of money out of this. Bottom line, you're good for business. I got an eye for this kinda thing."

"I know you do, and I know I can learn a lot from you."

"Well, I think we'll learn from each other," Chase said. "Why don't you grab a board and take a spin on the halfpipe. Lotta people want to see you, and that's a good way to be seen. We want everybody to know who Shane McCutcheon is, we want them to recognize her on sight. We want them to see how cool it is to be Shane McCutcheon, and if they can't be Shane McCutcheon, we want them to want Shane McCutcheon to be the one who cuts their hair. We aren't selling a haircut or a hair salon, we are selling access to the entire Shane McCutcheon experience."

"Okay, I will," Shane nodded, "soon as I finish my cig."

"Great. Hey, I gotta go to talk to some people." Next thing Shane knew, Chase was across the yard talking to half a dozen new arrivals. It took her twenty more minutes to wend her way back inside, check out a board from the desk, and get back out to the pipe. She was still warming up inside the pipe with some easy turns when she saw someone near the the first garage bay who looked a lot like Carmen. She looked closer. It was Carmen! She rode the board over and stepped out of the pipe just as Carmen turned and saw her coming. Carmen broke into a broad, happy grin and that laugh of hers that always made Shane's knees weak.

"Hi! What are you doing here?" Shane asked, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek. "I thought you were with Russell Simmons."

"I know! It's a surprise," Carmen grinned. Just then a tall black guy stepped up right behind her and stuck his hand out for a fist bump.

"She is with Russell Simmons," Russell Simmons said. Yes, it really was Russell Simmons! "Actually, I'm with her. Hi. Hiya doin', I'm Russell." The fist bump morphed into a handshake as he turned to his left to introduce a stunning blond who was with him. "This is Simone, my assistant." She and Shane smiled to each other. "Meanwhile, your girl here is very talented," Simmons told her.

Shane beamed with pride and looked at Carmen. "Yeah, she's not so bad." Carmen made a pretend mad face and poked Shane in the ribs.

"But I should also tell you," Simmons continued, "she has her priorities straight, because even though I hired her, she's here for you."

"Is that so?" Shane asked, turning to Carmen.

"Yeah," Carmen said quietly as she leaned forward to kiss Shane on the lips. "Guess what? I have a surprise for you. I worked on this mix all week for you." She handed Shane a CD in a jewel case.

"For me?"

"Just for you," Carmen said, happy.

"Go play it for her," Simmons said, nudging Carmen.

"You're gonna love it!" Carmen shouted over the noise of the party as she ran off to the dais. The DJ Chase had hired moved aside for her and in a moment Carmen's mix tape began to play as Carmen, one big earphone held to her head, waved across the room and blew Shane a kiss.

***

The grand opening party lasted until well after midnight. It had been a long but exciting day for both Shane and Carmen, and by 1 a.m. Shane found Carmen sitting upright on the couch in the TV room, sound asleep despite the considerable music and party noise all around. Shane leaned down and woke her with a kiss.

"Hey," Carmen said, putting her hand behind Shane's neck and pulling her down for a long exchange of tongues.

"Are you ready to head home?" Shane asked.

"Whatever you want, baby, it's your party. I can leave any time you want."

"I think I'm about all in," Shane said.

"Can you drive? I don't think I should," Carmen said. "I'm pretty well in the bag."

"Me, too," Shane said, "but it's not a problem."

Wise beyond his years, Chase had learned to hire a couple of limousines to be on duty at events like this, to drive home any partygoers who were too high-risk to make it on their own. Chase's understood what "full service" meant, and he didn't want any media reps who attended his parties to wind up in a ditch or in in jail. He wanted them to have a positive experience right up until the moment they collapsed on their own beds or bathrooms floors. He especially understood that the younger his clientele the higher the risk, and so he took pains to protect them above and beyond the normal call of duty. And Chase had learned that he could get away with it, because he was young and cool himself, and he could yank somebody's car keys and make them like it. He was that good.

Laughing, he gently put Shane and Carmen in the back of one of his limos. Shane had had a couple of drinks, smoked a few joints, and when Carmen wasn't looking had done a line. Carmen would smoke a joint, but she didn't approve of anything harder. But she had her own buzz going, having had half a dozen beers and not a few Tequila Sunrises sneak up on her. They slept propped up against each other on one of the limo's side seats, and had no objection when the driver dropped off his other four passengers first. He woke them gently when they got home, helped them out of the car, and even unlocked the front door with Carmen's key, making sure they got in safe and sound.

***

The hangovers on Sunday morning were manageable, but even so it took almost until noon before the Friends could all gather at The Planet for Sunday devotionals. Jenny had gotten a job waitressing there, and was on duty when Shane and Carmen straggled in. Bette, Helena and Alice were already at their table. Carmen ordered coffee and bagels for the both of them from Jenny and greeted Kit when she came over and sat down with them. A few minutes later, Lara and Dana arrived.

"Hey, Jenny? Can you sit for a minute?" Dana called out to her as she passed by. "I just wanna talk to you guys for a minute."

Alice was her usual bristly self. "So what's up?" she asked Dana and Lara. "You guys getting married?"

Dana rebuffed it calmly. "Ah, no. I just want to--"

Bette's cellphone rang. She glanced at the caller ID. "I'm sorry, that's Tina." She got up from the table and walked away.

"I have an announcement, everyone," Shane said. "Alice is about to go out with a vampire."

Alice looked shocked. "A vampirologist, actually," she corrected. "She's kind of a doctor at it, well, not a doctor, she's kind of a teacher at Loyola Marymount." She passed around the table a magazine article with a photo of the vampirologist, Uta Refson, in it.

"She's gorgeous," Helena said approvingly.

"Just a first date," Alice said, shrugging as though it didn't mean anything, when everyone knew it did.

"First dates are the best, by the way," Carmen said. "So, good luck."

Bette returned from her phone call with Tina. "Sorry about that. What's up?"

"I just wanted to tell you guys I'm having a little operation tomorrow, that's it," Dana said, finally getting it out on the table.

"An operation?" Alice asked, trying to mask the fear in her voice.

"Yeah."

"Is it out-patient, or is it overnight?" Bette asked, concerned.

"Is it something serious, Dana?" Helena put in.

"Are you gonna be all right?" Kit asked.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be fine," Dana said. "They ... um ... I, I'm having a ... ah, I ... they found a lump on my breast, and so they, I'm having it removed, it's routine."

"A lump?" Alice asked. She had turned pale. Dana's voice had fooled no one, least of all Alice.

"Did you have it biopsied?" asked Bette.

"Yuh," Dana muttered.

"What did they find? Is it benign?"

"It's just a little operation, really, everything's okay," Dana said. "Everything's okay."

There was silence all around the table while everyone digested this news, all of the Friends processing all the things that weren't being said, rather than what was.

Bette broke the silence. "You know, Tina had a lumpectomy, and you can't even see the scar."

"No. No, you can't," Helena added. Then it suddenly dawned on her and everyone else that Helena's affair with Tina was not only a sore subject, it was a gaping wound. She tried to recover. "I mean, I didn't even know that she'd had one."

There was another long, uncomfortable pause, and it was Shane who managed to cut through everything to its proper essence: "Oh, fuck it, what time? We'll be there."

"No, that's fine," Dana responded quickly. "Lara's gonna be there, really. It's just gonna be overnight, I'll be out the next day."

Alice looked like she was going to be sick.

***

On Tuesday after work Carmen swung by Wax to pick up Shane. They'd agreed they wanted to go over to Dana's apartment to see how she was doing. Lara had texted them in the afternoon, inviting Shane and Carmen to stay for dinner. She said that Dana was home and resting and everything was fine.

"I don't believe it," Carmen said during a phone call to Shane. "I want to see her for myself."

"I do, too," Shane said. "I know they're trying to make it all seem okay, but I just have this bad feeling."

"Me, too. And did you see Lara's face while Dana was telling us about the operation? Something's not right."

"No."

Carmen didn't mention that she had tattoos of the Mayan goddess of healing, Ixchel, above her butt, and that she had discussed the whole Dana thing with a large black jaguar who was the earthly incarnation of Ixchel, and who concurred something was wrong.

When they rang the doorbell they expected that it would be Lara who let them in, but it was Dana herself. "Hey, guys! Come to view the remains, huh? Well, come on in." Dana wore a sling around her neck and had one arm suspended in it. Nevertheless, she tried hard to be mobile and animated.

"What's that?" Carmen asked, standing in the doorway.

"That? Oh, they just want me to keep my arm immobilized for a while. It's nothing. I can even take it off if I want to, to shower or whatever."

Dana would never understand it, but she stood before what were probably the two women in all of Los Angeles least likely to be snowed by bullshit: Shane, whose instincts, powers of observation and ability to read people bordered on the supernatural, even if it took two or three days to process it all, and Carmen, a healer and disciple of the Mayan goddess Ixchel, whose powers were supernatural. In fact, Ixchel waited quietly right behind Carmen, and followed her into the apartment. The jaguar walked right up to Dana, sniffed at her delicately, looked briefly at Carmen, and went to sit quietly in the corner. Carmen knew they would have to talk later.

Lara was in the kitchen assembling dinner. She glanced up and smiled quickly at Carmen and Shane. "Hi," she said. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." She tried hard to be friendly, and she would make quick eye contact with Carmen or Shane, but she couldn't hold it.

Dana worked hard at it, too, but she tired almost right away, and her color wasn't good.

"Even minor surgery takes a lot out of you," Dana said, apologetically. She only picked at her dinner and made small talk about tennis and doctors and hospital food.

"Really, I'm okay," she said, hanging onto the apartment door for support as she showed Shane and Carmen out after dinner. "I just need to rest up and get some sleep. Thanks for coming over."

Shane and Carmen got into Carmen's Jeep and had gone four blocks before either one of them said anything.

"Not good," Shane finally said quietly.

"No," Carmen agreed. "Not good. And she's not ready to talk about it, either."

"No," Shane said.

***

It was after nine when they pulled into the driveway, parking behind Moira's pickup. They went in through the back door and stopped dead as they entered the kitchen. There appeared to be no one home, but the TV was on in the living room. There were open bags of potato chips and Cheetohs, and beer bottles on the coffee table, sitting on the varnished wood in their own small circles of sweat. There were pans in the kitchen on the stove that hadn't been cleaned, and there were dishes in the sink and on the kitchen table.

"I don't believe this," Carmen said between gritted teeth. "I don't believe this. Look at this. Helloooo!" She yelled out "Is anybody here?"

"Fuck, Carmen!" Shane said, trying to calm her down but knowing it was already way too late for that.

"Can you guys come clean up your fucking mess?" Carmen shouted out, possibly to an empty house. But then Moira walked down the hallway from the bathroom.