She Chose Me

"Yeah, doesn't change the fact that she brought all this about."

"Calm down, and we'll make plans to deal with this. The first thing to do is to find a solicitor. We need one that specialises in family law. We can do this Vaughn, really we can."

Like her sister, Maddy was always optimistic. She and her husband, Robert, did their best for me and we nearly pulled it off. Within two weeks of my visit to London I received a summons to take the children to a clinic for paternity test. My solicitor had advised that fighting the test would be a waste of time and money. He was right, of course, fighting at that stage would have made it look like I had something to hide.

After Vicky's letter I thought I was prepared for the result. I was wrong. No matter how often I told myself that the result will go against me I secretly hoped it wouldn't be true. When the results came back all that hope was taken away and I slipped into a deep depression. My, carefully preserved, air of normality disintegrated. If it hadn't been for Maddy, Mum, and the children I would have given up. Maddy realised I couldn't speak about her sister without falling apart, so she volunteered to explain everything to the children.

Will was adamant, there was no way he was leaving me, no matter what happened. Two weeks later that I received a summons to attend the family court for a custody hearing.

*****

The family court is an unusual affair. It has its own special judges and is held in a committee room. Nothing that happens in that room is ever made public and anyone disclosing any of the discussions can be prosecuted for contempt. On the day of our hearing Sandford had two legal representatives, one of whom was Johnston. Social Services and Children's Services were represented along with me and my solicitor. It seemed ridiculous to me then, and it still does, that the two people whose future was to be decided were not allowed to attend. Johnston and his deputy presented their case, that the children should be with their biological father. They outlined all the advantages the children would receive by living with Sandford.

My man told the court that I was the only father they had ever known and that it would be extremely traumatic to take them away from a loving father. I could see from the faces around the table that he was having the desired effect. I began to have real hope. Unfortunately Sandford's team could see the same thing I did. When asked if he had anything to add Johnston stood up and addressed to court.

"The court has been told what a good job Mr Jennings and his wife have made of bringing up the children. This is true and my client is very appreciative. However, that was when there were two parents. Since the death of Mrs Jennings more pressure has been placed on Mr Jennings. Unfortunately Mr Jennings seems to have developed a propensity for violence as a means of dealing with that pressure. I would like to show the court some extracts from a recording of the interview my client and I had with Mr Jennings."

He opened up a file on his laptop and the picture appeared projected onto the back wall of the room.

"This recording of a meeting we had with Mr Jennings to discuss this matter. I made Mr Jennings aware that the meeting was being recorded."

The first scene was me grabbing the front of Johnston's shirt and going head to head with him. Then there was me thumping the desk, jumping up and pacing up and down the office. Finally came the bit with me pushing Sandford in the chest sending him sprawling on the floor."

My solicitor tried to stop me as I sprung to my feet.

"It didn't happen like that. That meeting was a goddamned ambush."

The judge repeatedly told me to sit down and eventually I did.

Johnston continued. "Mr Jennings cannot cope and my client does not feel the children would be safe in his care."

I looked around the table, and realised I'd lost all the ground my solicitor had gained. The panel retired to consider a verdict, but I already knew the outcome. It only took them 30 minutes to decide that within ten days I would hand over my children to the Social Services who would in turn take them to Sandford. There can be no appeal against the decision of a family court so all I could do was to make the most of the time we had together.

*****

Will wanted to run away so he wouldn't be there to be collected, but I pointed out that would result in me being jailed for contempt. On the day of their collection there were tears all round. As I hugged them both. William stepped back and looked at me.

"He will never be my father. As soon as I can I'll be back. I love you Dad."

Zoe kissed me and assured me she loved me and would do whatever it took to get back home.

After they'd gone I looked around the house, she was still there. Vicky had family pictures everywhere and she seemed to be in all of them. Not surprising really, I took most of them. I thought about cutting her out of them but only for a second. Will might understand, but Zoe certainly wouldn't.

The court ordered Sandford to make provision for visiting but I couldn't bring myself to follow it up. As things turned out I didn't need to. Within three weeks both of them stood on my doorstep. It seemed that Sandford's idea of caring for and educating them was to send them off to boarding school. Will ran away, went straight to get Zoe and they made their way back home. Of course the police paid us a visit later that day and the following morning Social Services came to take them away again. They were smart kids so the next time they didn't come to me but went to Mum and Dad. We had three days together that time. Following that it was to Maddy and Robert they went to. The police threatened me with a charge of abduction, but as I pointed out, I didn't go and get them and I couldn't stop them coming to me.

When Maddy leaked the story to the press, the Social Services came under a great deal of pressure. They were not allowed to disclose anything that happened in court and so couldn't defend themselves. By the end of the summer term, both children had managed to get back to me four times. All this time my solicitor tried, without success, to get another hearing.

During the summer break Sandford whisked the children off to Mauritius for a holiday. This ruled out any more runaways. They kept in touch by phone and Skype but I missed them terribly. When Will told me he had a plan, I urged him not to do anything stupid or illegal. He just laughed and told me not to worry.

All the efforts made by myself, Maddy and my solicitor, got us nowhere. It came as a surprise when I was summoned to appear before the family court at the beginning of September. My surprise turned to shock when I found out the hearing was not to charge me with contempt, but to reconsider the original verdict. It seemed Social Services thought insufficient emphasis had been placed on what the children wanted. Sandford was only represented by Johnston and he seemed remarkably subdued. We all sat there looking at each other until the judge called the meeting to order. I was under strict instructions from my solicitor, to remain calm. Once the preliminaries were out of the way the judge turned to me.

"Mr Jennings, at the last meeting of this court you demanded sole custody of William and Zoe. Is that still your position?"

"It is Ma'am."

"You would not consider joint custody."

"No Ma'am, it would be too disruptive. Whatever the court decides, it would be best for the children to have only one father. I believe that father should be me."

The Social Services spokesman told the court that during the interviews with the children it became obvious they wanted to stay with me. There actions since the previous court decision underlined that.

The judge turned to Johnston.

"Mr Johnston, during the previous hearing you claimed Mr Jennings had a propensity for violence." She actually read this last phrase from the transcript of the meeting. "Mr Sandford was concerned for the safety of the children if they remained with Mr Jennings. Is that still the case?"

"No Ma'am it is not."

I rocked back in my chair unable to believe what I had just heard.

"Would you care to explain what brought about this change of heart?"

"Yes Ma'am, Mr Sandford accepts that both children want to live with Mr Jennings and he doesn't believe they would feel that way if he were violent towards them. He suggested we give the entire recording, of the meeting to a psychologist for evaluation. The court has a copy of the psychologists report. In short Ma'am, the report concludes that Mr Jennings had no idea his wife had an affair with my client or that the children were a result of the affair. The psychologist is of the opinion that Mr Jennings was in a state of shock and his reactions were those of a man defending his family."

"Are you saying you wilfully mislead the court?"

"We did not try to mislead the court, Ma'am. However, we do believe we were guilty of misinterpreting Mr Jennings reaction."

My solicitor looked at me with a huge grin on his face. I was mystified, everything Johnston said about me was correct but why the sudden change of heart. He'd had no worries about misrepresenting the situation before.

"My client has no objection to Mr Jennings having custody, but demands visitation rights."

The judge turned to me. "Do you agree to this Mr Jennings?"

"No Ma'am, I do not. My children have been badly scarred by the events of the last four months. Being forced to spend time with the man they see as responsible for all of that, is only going to inhibit the healing process." My solicitor was pulling at my arm trying to get my attention. He was mouthing the words "quit while you're winning". I turned back to the judge. "I am prepared to allow visits by Mr Sandford but only at the request of my children."

"Are you saying you'd refuse to accept the children if Mr Sandford is granted access?"

"If Mr Sandford were a reasonable man I would have no problem, Ma'am. However, he has shown himself to be anything but reasonable. His behaviour so far has shown he is a man who is prepared to go to any length to get what he wants. If you grant him access I expect to be back in court every time my arrangements do not fit in with his. My children need stability. Giving Mr Sandford the right to interfere will damage that stability."

The judge looked at Johnston, who just waved her away. She told us she would retire to consult further with Social Services. My solicitor wanted me to change my mind about access. He saw that as a deal breaker. I was confident something had happened to make Sandford change his mind and that lack of access would not be a problem.

The court reconvened an hour later. Once everyone was sitting down, the judge called us back to order. "I have reached a decision." she said. "Despite Mr Jennings unusual attitude to access, I am awarding him sole custody of William and Zoe. Social Services will monitor the situation." She turned to me. "Be warned Mr Jennings. If I ever find out you are preventing your children from visiting Mr Sandford, I will have you back in this court before you know what is happening."

That was nine years ago and I'd not seen anything of Sandford since then. Neither Will nor Zoe had ever expressed any desire to see him. He did send birthday cards and presents for them. He sent Will a cheque for £1,000 for his birthday. I sent it back with a note saying he should send something more appropriate for a 13 year old boy. After that things got better. More sensible gifts arrived and I always made them write thank you notes. Other than gifts and cards he left us alone.

As the years went by, Maddy and Mum worked on me. It wasn't right for the children to grow up with me hating their mother. Maddy kept reminding me that Vicky had the chance of having it all.

"She could have divorced you, taken the children and had a life of luxury. Instead she turned her back on all of that and moved here with you. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

As Zoe got older she started to ask me more about her mother. What was she like when we were young? What did she like to do? It's hard telling a young girl that her mother was a slag, so I gilded the lily a bit. Slowly but surely it had an effect on me. There's a limit to the amount of hate you can carry for a dead person. The good memories started to return and they outweighed the memory of what she had done. Being both mum and dad to a couple of teenagers while trying to earn a living kept me pretty busy. Too busy to worry about people like Terence Sandford.

*****

As I walked through the streets of Clifton I puzzled why would Sandford turn up here and now? Both children were of an age to make all their own decisions. They may not be financially independent but they were independent in every other way. I couldn't see what I had to offer him. I arrived at the restaurant and went in. Once inside I was asked for my name and when I gave it I got another surprise.

"Ah yes Mr Jennings, your guest has arrived, let me take you to your table."

The Clifton Sausage is a small boutique restaurant in Clifton village. It was Will's favourite place specialising, as it did, in his favourite food, sausages. I'd chosen the place because for me it was home ground and I hoped it would make Sandford less than comfortable.

I got straight to the point.

"So Sandford, what's this all about? The children are all grown up now, they make their own decisions. Neither of us can make them do anything, so why are you talking to me and not them?"

"Vaughn, you don't mind me calling you Vaughn do you?"

"Vaughn's fine."

"Thank you, and you can call me Terry." I nodded to him. "Ok Vaughn, what you say is correct, but you can still help me if you choose to. I want to help them Vaughn. I can open doors. I can make sure they want for nothing but I can't make them accept my help."

"Well that makes two of us."

"But you can help. Look Vaughn, I stuffed up big time nine years ago. I tried to treat it like a business deal. I got the best lawyers, made you an offer I thought you couldn't refuse. I won the day but I couldn't make them love me, quite the reverse. Anything they wanted, I gave them, but they still hated me."

"Is that why you caved in?"

"I caved in, as you put it, because of the actions of our son."

"Our son?"

"Well the tests proved that I am his biological father but I accept you are the one they call dad. William brought that home to me with a vengeance."

Our meals arrived and we started to eat. Sandford was surprised that he was really enjoying his meal. He made several appreciative noises as we ate.

"So tell me Terry, what did William do to change your mind?"

"Well, I was happy to let them keep running away. The police would always bring them back. I expected them to change their minds after the holiday. However, when the time came to go back to school, William refused to go. The night before the start of term we had a row about it. I told him. `I'm your father, and you'll do as I say' He looked at me with real hatred in his eyes. `You're not my father. You're just a man who fucked my mother." It was the mention of Victoria in that way that made me slap his face. Just a slap you understand. I just lashed out, and I did it in front of my staff. Will took himself off to his room."

"The next day, the chauffer, who should have been taking them to school, came to find me. He said I should see them before they left for school. I went out to find William had a black eye, so bad he couldn't see out of it. I asked him how he came by it. `You did it.' He said. `everyone saw you.' I swear to you Vaughn, it was an open handed slap I gave him. He'd hurt himself in order to blame it on me. He told me I didn't want to know where Zoe had bruises. He was going to set me up as a child abuser."

"I saw how determined he was and I just knew people would believe him. In a way I was proud of him. He'd beaten me, so I gave in. He got what he wanted. Now I accept it was the right thing for both of them."

"Well, that's something he never told me, sounds like he's more devious than I thought."

"He takes after me in that respect. Like I said, I was proud of him, he knew what he wanted and was prepared to do whatever it took to get it."

We finished our meals still talking about the children. Much to my surprise I found myself warming to the man. I even started to feel a little sorry for him when he told me about the way his marriage had broken up following the death of his sons.

"The divorce cost me an arm and a leg but it was the right thing to do. Without the boys there was nothing left to bind us together. I was still in love with Victoria. Sorry perhaps I shouldn't talk about her, but it wasn't just the boss taking advantage of his P.A. I really did love her, and I thought she loved me."

"She did. She left me a letter. I didn't get it until after I met you in London. She told me all about it."

"She told you I wanted to marry her."

I nodded.

"That's another battle I lost. I really expected you to stay in Sunbury, especially after GKN offered you promotion." My mouth fell open in surprise. "Don't look so shocked Vaughn, I didn't want to lose her. If that meant leaning on a few people to make sure your employer made it almost impossible for you to leave, then so be it. That's why I was convinced you knew about me. Why else would you turn down an offer like that?"

"You won't be surprised to find out that I was tempted. It would have made a big difference to our family but Vicky assured me we could manage and urged me to do what would make me happiest. I guess that had something to do with you also."

Few people had ever seen what I saw that evening, the millionaire industrialist Terence Sandford with tears in his eyes. He used a handkerchief to dry them.

"What do you say I settle up here and we go somewhere and get a proper drink?

I indicated my approval and in five minutes we were walking down the hill to a large pub with a huge terrace at the rear. We went straight through to the garden and bought our pints at the terrace bar. The pub owed much of its popularity to the excellent view of the Clifton Suspension bridge. I love to look at that bridge so I found us a table facing it. I sat with him, both drinking beer now and enjoying the warm evening air.

"You done a good job with them." Sandford said, his speech now reflecting his humble origins. "The kids I mean. My people told me you'd struggle, you being on your own and all. Let him falter , they said. Then when he does you can step in and offer to help. The problem is you didn't falter. William has graduated with first-class honours and Zoe is well on the way. I've got to hand it to you Vaughn."

"It wasn't hard, they're good kids. They made it easy for me. They take after their mother."

"You still miss her don't you."

"Every hour of every day."

"It didn't make any difference, me and her I mean."

"It did for a while. If she'd been alive when I found out it might have been different. It's hard to hate someone who's dead, especially when she's left you two children to bring up. Besides Will has enough hate for both of us."

"I got a bit of that when he was with me. He's not mellowed then?"

"He has, his sister is still working on him. Seeing you today didn't help."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. but if I tried to make an appointment, you would have refused to see me."

"It's nothing personal, but why don't you get to the point. Tell me what you want from me while we are both sober enough to deal with it.."

"OK, I want to talk to them. I don't need your approval for that, but they need to know that it's all right with you. I got it so wrong the last time that they may see talking to me as a betrayal of you. They need you to tell them that you're happy with it, or they won't listen to me. One day they'll both be very rich, but why should they wait until I'm dead when I can help them now. Please Vaughn, I know you want what's best for them, help me do this."