She Chose Me

I sat sipping my beer, gazing at the bridge and thinking about what he'd said. He was right of course, I wanted them to have the best start in life. Why should I stand in the way of the man who could give it to them? Because he fucked my wife, that's why. That was years ago Vaughn, why should your children suffer for the actions of two other people? While this argument was going on in my head, my gaze was fixed on the bridge and his was fixed on me.

"It'll have to be on my terms. I'll talk to them and set up your first meeting, after that it's up to them."

A smile spread across his face. "Whatever you want. This calls for a celebration, finish your beer and I'll get the brandies in."

I don't remember much more about that night. I do remember stumbling out of Sandford's roller and being helped to my front door by the chauffer. He even opened my front door for me when I had difficulty finding the keyhole. I recall the words I said, or should I say slurred, as I left Sandford.

"Now look Terry, I may be pissed but that doesn't mean we're mates. I've said I'll help you an I will, but that doesn't make us mates."

"Nah, course not... I mean I'm an arrogant bastard an...an you're ...a good bloke. That's what you are Vaughn...You are a good bloke. How could we possibly be mates?"

*****

"I've done my best for them." I told her. "I hope it was good enough. I'm sorry about Will. Give him time, I'm sure he'll forgive you, the way I have. I wouldn't have told either of them until much later. But Sandford had to stick his oar in. It was the wrong time for Will.

"I've met him again recently, Sandford that is, but you probably know that already. I'm afraid I got more than a little drunk. If circumstances were different I might even like him. Not now though, I'm always aware that he had a part of you that should have been mine alone."

"I should have known I'd find you here." The voice from behind suddenly made me aware of my daughter's presence. "Sorry I forgot the anniversary. What is it now, eleven years?"

I nodded. I was on my knees tending the grave and as I looked up at her she looked so much like her mother that it brought tears to my eyes.

"She can't hear you Daddy. She's gone, you have to accept that."

"I do, but it helps me to talk to her. How did it go with Sandford last night? You talked to him, got a few things straightened out?"

"I suppose so. To tell the truth it was all a bit weird. He tried really hard. He has a certain charm. He was extremely complimentary about you, which was a good job really. Will would have decked him if he'd said anything bad."

"But you got everything sorted out? You know where you stand with each other?"

"Yes, I think so. I told him he can give up any thoughts of leading me down the aisle. That right belongs to my daddy. My children will never call him Grandpa. Will still doesn't like him, but he won't shut him out. We agreed that he could be like an uncle. I think that's about as close as we are comfortable with."

I stood up and hugged her and she kissed my cheek.

"Now Daddy dear, we've done something you wanted. You must do something we want."

"OK, what do you want me to do?"

"Move on Dad. Mum's been gone for eleven years now and our house still looks the same. If you ever took a date back here, all she'd see are family pictures And a house that hasn't changed in the last eleven years. It wouldn't really tell her there was any future in a relationship with you. You don't have to forget about her, just make room for someone else. It's such a waste, lots of good women are longing for a man like you. Give them a chance, it's not right for you to be alone."

It brought tears to my eyes hearing my daughter speak about me this way.

"You make it sound like I've set up some sort of shrine, and it's not like that at all. I hated what your mother did but it was important that you had a positive image of her. Talking to you about the good times made me realise that the ten years I had with her after the affair were worth a lot more than th etime I was sharing her with Sandford. So yes I forgave her. As you two grew up and I was on my own more and more, I really missed her. This is the time we'd planned for. I started coming here to talk to her. As for the house, I'm a man, we don't take much notice of our surroundings."

I'd never really considered other women as they were growing up. Working at home, I never met a lot of people. When the chidren were young I had no time for a social life. As they got older I used my spare time to get more work done. I had been out with a fewfriends of friends, but nothing that was ever going anywhere. Maybe Zoe was right.

"OK, I'll try, but I can't promise anything."

"Good, I'm going home now to start planning a complete redecoration of the house, starting with those photos." She put her hand on my chest. "She'll always be right there, you don't need her all over the house."

She kissed my cheek, turned and walked away. I watched her go and realised she was right, as long as she was around I'd never want for a reminder of her mother. I got back to work, picking up leaves and bits of paper, pulling up weeds from the gravel, and changing the flowers for fresh ones.

I looked at the gravestone. "Beloved Wife and Mother" it said, and beneath was the epitaph, "SHE CHOSE US." I was about to leave when a soft voice came from behind me.

"Does it get easier?" she asked.

I turned and saw a woman in her mid-thirties. She was tall and slim with auburn hair down to her shoulders and green eyes. I was lost for words as I feasted my eyes upon her.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't mean to intrude, but I've often seen you here when I come to visit my husband. I don't suppose you've noticed me."

"I certainly have, but I didn't want to intrude on your grief."

"You mean like I just did."

"Oh no! No, you haven't. I was just about to leave."

"Well, like I said, I've seen you here a lot and your Victoria has been gone a lot longer than my David. I just wondered how you coped. People tell me it gets easier with time. Is it true?"

I looked down at my wife's grave then back to lovely woman before me.

"Would it be awfully forward of me if I asked you to join me for a cup of coffee? I know a place within walking distance of here, where they sell the best coffee in the county, roasted on the premises."

"You mean the place in Station Road? Yes, I'd like that very much."

As we walked she told me her name was Jacqueline and her husband was killed in a road accident, having fallen asleep at the wheel. I told her about Vicky and her gradual decline. By the time we reached the coffee shop, all the awkwardness had gone. We ordered and sat down to talk.

"You obviously still miss Vicky. Tell me, what do you find the hardest part to deal with?"

"The empty bed." I said almost without thinking. I looked at her and suddenly realised how that would sound. "Oh I don't mean the sex, though of course I do miss that."

She smiled at me. "You mean the looking across the bed and not having someone smile back at you. You mean not having someone there to reach out and touch. I miss having that big, broad back to snuggle up to when I'm feeling small and insignificant."

"Yes, that's it exactly."

"Me too. It's not about sex, a woman can get sex any time she wants it. I've heard some of the young men in the office talking. 'Jackie must be gagging for it by now' they say, but the truth is I'm not. Plenty of men try it on, even the married ones. I like sex as much as the next woman. Making love to my David took me to places I never knew existed. It wasn't just the sexual excitement, it was being with him. Unless you've been there you can't understand, I'm half a person without him. Is that how you feel Vaughn? Does it get better?"

"Yes and yes. That's exactly how I feel, and yes, it gets better, but not much. I was been lucky I had my children to take care of. Until recently, that's taken my mind off of it, but the hole in my life is still there."

She looked at her watch. "Goodness, is that the time? I must dash. It's been lovely talking to you."

I passed her a business card. "Here is my number, call me anytime you want to talk."

She took the card and wrote her own number on the back and passed it back to me. "I was brought up to believe the man should make the first move." With that she got up and left.

The barista and owner of the shop came over to collect the cups. "I'm surprised you two haven't met before. She comes in a couple of times a week, always on her own."

I watched her walk away, pulled out my phone and sent a text.

Maybe two halves can fit together. Have dinner with me tonight.

I saw her stop and pull her phone from her pocket. She looked at the phone, looked back at the coffee shop. She did something with the phone then turned and continued walking. Moments later my phone chirped to indicate an incoming text.

Call me, and ask me properly.

*****

Many things have happened in the years since Will's graduation. My consultancy business acquired a large number of high-profile clients and I had to start looking for more staff. Will has moved to Cambridge after he got a bursary to study for a PhD. Zoe starts her final year at university and has already been offered a place on a Voluntary Service Overseas project, along with a young man she seems to talk about a lot.

That will leave myself and my new wife on our own in the house. Yes, I married Jacqueline and even that wasn't without surprises.

Two weeks before the wedding, the travel agent rang to say that the villa in Menorca that I had booked for our honeymoon was no longer available. However, as their one millionth customer, I had won three weeks, all expenses covered, in a luxury resort in Mauritius with first-class air travel. They even threw in £1,000 spending money.

On the flight home I was sitting back sipping the complimentary champagne while Jackie played with her iPad.

"Vaughn, it was Travellers Choice that paid for all of this, wasn't it?"

"That's the name of the agent I made the original booking with, so I guess so. Why?"

"You'll never guess who owns it."

"Let's see, it can't be Branson or it would be called Virgin. It must be someone we've both heard of or you wouldn't ask me to guess. So the most likely person would be Terence Sandford."

"That's not fair, I expected a lot more guesses than that. After all, his companies are not renowned for throwing their money around. How did you know?"

"Call it inspired guesswork."

She put her head on my arm. "I call it being very clever. I'm so glad I chose you."

"What do you mean? You chose me. Didn't I have any say in the matter?"

"Nope, women always choose, men just make themselves available and show what they've got to offer. It's the same throughout nature. The female always chooses and I chose you."

"In that case, I'm highly honoured."

"So you should be." She giggled.

"Come to think of it, it was probably his idea of a wedding gift. I'm sure Zoe would have told him we were getting married"

"Of course, I forgot that you know him. I wonder why not just give it to you?"

I didn't need to answer, she knew enough to know that I wouldn't have accepted. It annoyed me that he could still get to me, but I had to accept that he was doing his bit to heal the rift.

Jackie reached out, took my hand, pulled it to her and kissed it.

"Vaughn.. I'm thirty five now. Do you think it's too late to try for a baby."

"I don't know, but the trying sounds like a lot of fun."

"You, sir, are a very naughty man," she said as a smile lit up her face.

"Isn't that why you chose me?"

"It may have had something to do with it."