by Tomray10
The story was interesting with some good erotic writing but you do require help with grammer, sentence structure and spelling.
Pretty well written, nice buildup. As for the person who commented before about spelling... ever hear a saying about people living in glass houses and what they shouldn't do? It's grammAR, not grammER... and you criticized the *author* for a misspelling or two? Pot calling kettle black...
I thought it was a really good sibling incest tale. Thanks for writing it, and please ignore those who think they are literary critics.
That must have hurt like hell!!
this was a first draft only and never should have been posted in this condition. get a good editor and do it properly.
SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL NOW EITHER REWRITE IT OR REMOVE IT
This was a Good story and it demonstrates a promise of a good story teller in the making. But sadly, it was marred by bad punctuation, occasional bad spellings and some grammar mistakes. It does read like a first draft, as some have pointed out.
Quite frankly, anyone with an education and pride in their work would have found it embarrassing to have let this rough draft be published.
Please fix your mistakes or have someone proof read your work before reporting. I look forward to reading a revised manuscript and further works of yours!
Could not believe? Six times? Either you believe it or not.
lol
Otherwise, not too bad, but it seems like a rough draft more than anything. No dialog either.
that a brotherly cock is better than a stranger's. For a boy there's nothing like blowing his brotherly balls up his sister's adorable little coochie. Same for a sister.
Do you read your own stories? PLEASE get someone to proofread and correct grammar and sentence structure.
Your story and style are ok BUUUT, you must have fallen asleep during basic English classes in elementary and high school. Your story is so full of technical errors that it becomes difficult to enjoy. It's packed with run on sentences, combined sentences, punctuation errors, and incorrect words ( to instead of too/ starred instead of stared) etc. etc. Get someone who knows proper English to proof read and correct the errors without changing your writing style and your stories will be much more enjoyable to read.
ENOUGH SAID...YOUR POOR WRITING MADE THIS UNENJOYABLE TO SAY THE LEAST...but I'll give you an E for effort...
BTW, ever heard of spell check???
I tried to read through the story, but alas, had to bail due to very poor grammar.