by Baloden
It seems more directional. Maybe next time try to read it outloud to see how well it flows and I think that may help. Nice try and if.you keep practicing you will improve.
I am so sorry for writing this, but having read so much from the other authors, just felt that it needed to be said. There was no real scene setting, just looked like a steamy Showtime movie...without depth.
This was indeed lame, lack of originality and decient grammar/sentance structure.
The dialogue was like bad porn I wish there was more seducing and not blatant "I want to have lesbian incest with you." Who talks like that?
This is a very good "pussywetting" story.Please, write similars...
This Story Is A Fine Example Of Go Back & Re-Write The Story. You might want to try with out the boring description at the begining & try making them sound intelligent.
This story just sucks! There is no need for the descriptions at the beginning and then the characters say the cheesiest things ever. It is completely ridiculous and stupid.
2.55 Personally I think that's the proper score