by Pendragoness
Hay good effort i liked it a lot i could visualize every seenin it if u keep at it u will go varry far
As someone has already noted, this is pointless. It is way - WAY - too short for the reader to have any chance of becoming involved.
I thought the writing was good and it flowed well. 'Tis your first post and I can appreciate how difficult it is to write, even a single page of words,having been there myself. Keep writing and longer stories will follow
Best wishes
...what's the point of submitting something this short? It's just stupid!
Author lose interest? Lusty start, looked promising, crashed in 2nd Gear. Get on to 5th gear, please.
Some grammatical glitches but my problem with this story is that the whole thing reads like a preamble. It isn't complete.
...it just ENDED, like the other 70% of your story got deleted. Not cool.