All Comments on 'Slave Girl Emily Ch. 10'

The last chapter of this series will appear on July 18 or thereabouts (depending on the Literotica posting schedule).

Thanks to everyone for reading!

Thank you for bringing it to us; I look forward to reading more of this well-spun tale. Very well done - five stars.

I'm sad this lovely tale is coming to an end.

On the plus side it doesn't look as if she is going with any of her three previous masters...idiots all of them. Lol

Soo, we are back to my original guess Charles, but Mouche and pipet muddy the waters....

Only a week to wait :-(

That this wonderfully written story is coming to an end. I await the next twist you seem to add to each chapter with eagerness.

5 stars as always.

I really like this story, so please don't take this as meant maliciously, but there are a few things that seem out of character.

1. Emily is apparently not just a sub, but a slave, wanting to own nothing, and give herself completely to a master. Yet she takes on a dominant role, it seems, at the drop of a hat.

The first time, with Amanda, works, as they are both slaves, both serving, and she's leading.

The second with Christopher, is actually quite jarring.

In this latest one, she gives her Master an ultimatum, and then, when he gets upset, marches out and blames him.

It seems odd that this would happen, especially since she has a girl that she wants a relationship with, and her master has a voyeurism kink.

That seems made for each other.

2. It's confusing as heck as to why Fredrick tossed her over in the first place. It's obvious that he understands he made a mistake...but, he never actually tells her why he tossed her. So why would she consider going back to that?

3.All the doms seem to want her..btu why?

She seems to be somewhat demanding, and aggressive about getting her own kinks fulfilled.

It just seems a little Mary Sue that she now has three Doms essentially begging her to take their collar, when she herself has crossed the line with them and been disobedient/aggressive, ect.

These are just my notes, and again, I really like the story.

Those are good points, LordDragonFire. Thanks for bringing them up.

1. Yes, Emily can take on the dominant role. It's basic to her character that she's assertive, and that that makes her either complicated or confusing, depending. BUT, the way I see her interaction with C. here is not that she gives him an ultimatum, but rather that she stands her ground. Surely there's a difference.

2. Covered at the beginning of Ch. 7: "Do you love me or Master? The flesh-and-blood man or the role I play? There's much more to you than a slave-girl, but the slave-girl is all you give me." He talks himself into the position that he'll find something with Pipit that he couldn't with Emily. (An alternative explanation is that Pipit is leading him around by his cock.)

3. Oh, it's fantasy, LordDragonFire. What girl wouldn't want three men to lust for her that way, and be able to take her pick of them, or tell them all to take a hike if she wants?

I'll add, though, that while I had a broad plot outline in my mind when I started this, much got worked out as I wrote and read readers' reactions. There are inconsistencies, obscurities, holes in the narrative--it's really a rough draft. Knowing how rough it is makes me even more grateful that you like it, and that so many have read it, commented favorably, and favorited its various chapters.

Hi Serafina

Just some thoughts to your response.

1. It doesn't come across as assertive to me...it's really an ultimatum. She tells him that she won't be lent out anymore, full stop. When he mentions the contract, she tells him that she will refuse each and every time, so he shouldn't ask. When he tells her that he will have to release Mouche, she tells him if he does that, she'll leave. That is an ultimatum and it's certainly not the way a slave would talk, it's not the way that she talks through most of the story.

She also doesn't ask to renegotiate the contract, or to add a limit.

Honestly, that scene is almost like a different character, she doesn't seem like a slave and she does seem incredibly selfish. It doesn't gel well

2.IT's clear that pipit is leading him round by the cock, but his reasons for discharging Emily aren't clear....is he unhappy? DId she fail? Obviously, the line you quoted indicates that he has some worries, but it's very..vague.

3. I'm sure Emily likes the situation, but it's less clear why the three doms are so intent on her. For Christopher, she just told him that she won't fulfil one of his main kinks, and then gave him an ultimatium...hardly a good M/s relationship.

Again, these are just my thoughts, but most especially the switching into domme mode is confusing. It's possible for her to be assertive, and a slave, but her taking on a domme role, then slipping back to slave, really is disconcerting.

I'd venture to say she could accomplish the goals she wants to in those scenes without it.

Thanks again for thoughtful comments.

1. True that her immediate tactic is an ultimatum. She does it by way of standing her ground. A hot-headed move, certainly, but as Sam Spade says to Caspar Gutman, in the heat of the moment one can sometimes lose sight of one's best interests.

2 (and 1). My plot (feeble thing though it was) called for her to get into three relationships and out of them again. I found it quite hard to get her out of her relationships--perhaps because I quite liked all three men. I thought I'd done enough signaling of Frederick's motives, but perhaps not. If I ever try to revise this for Smashwords or Amazon, I'll have to work on that aspect of the story.

3. I could argue various points, but at the end of the day, I'm writing romance, and I'll invoke the ancient principle (at least as old as Ovid) that love is inexplicable and irresistible. C. was smitten with E. the first time he saw her. Over the following chapters he discovers how maddening she is, and he still wants her. Again a romance trope. Sorry if it stopped working for you somewhere along the way.