All Comments on 'Snakeboy'
by cellophanesmile
- 18 Comments
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoOver all your story was well done, though it could have used a little bit more proof-reading. I liked the build up, but it seemed to end really abruptly. The pace of the story changed in a way that didn't fit with the beginning. Nevertheless, a job well done.
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoBut I also agree that it needed a little more polish. At first, the conversational style of it was sort of refreshing; after the first few paragraphs it started to grate. It was informal to the point of sloppiness. I liked the concept and the story line, but I'm afraid this is a near textbook example of why everyone should have an editor. "His answers were erupt." Makes absolutely no sense, just implies that the author wasn't saying what they meant to say or simply chose the wrong word. I also think the end was overly abrupt. Still a nice story, and I'd love to see the final draft someday soon.
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoThis story was written in the simplistic manner of a fairy tale. It was very well done in general, and the instances of problems with grammar (especially lie/lay and their variations) weren't too bad.
Anonymousover 16 years agothough truth be told you could have really stretched it out and made an excellent story as well...great work..I did love it even in it's shortness.
Teacher_Lynnalmost 16 years agoI really enjoyed your story. Please, continue writing either on this one or others. It was so interesting and beautiful. Beauty and the Beast are my favorite type of stories. Great job!
starry_nightover 15 years agoSuch a heartwarming story! I really admire Zachary's kind and gentle nature. Despite having stones thrown at him and being isolated from others, he stayed true to himself and never lost hope. I'm glad he found someone like Annabelle who loves him for who he is and and doesn't care what he looks like. Thanks for writing this story! Now I'm off to read Bunnygirl.
DarkWriter13about 15 years agothis was a wonderful and heartwarming story, if it weren't for the sex, i would have thought it came out of a storybook. you should make a series out of it. im also drawn towards the story because i like snakes.
wildheartedangelover 13 years agoI really liked this story, it's a brilliant idea, but I think it was to rushed. I think you could have stretched it out, added some more tension, developed the characters a bit, and it felt like her family was cut out, I think you should have kept them included, nobody wants to marry a stranger and have to leave their family, she would have been depressed. If you developed it a bit more you could make a good story great.
AmandaSilverabout 13 years agoI absolutely loved this story. I agree with some of the other comments that you lost the voice about halfway through, and it did need another read-through. I thought it would've been interesting if she had heard the "stories" about the snake boy.
But I loved the fairy tale flow of the beginning and end of the story. I agree it could have been longer because I loved the story so much. I almost cried for the little snake boy who was so lonely and was watching the princess, waiting for her to be his someday. You made him such a sweet, sympathetic character. This was a beautiful story and the ending was sweet.
