by Transfix
my pet parakeet could form better sentence structure! Keep switching between 1st,2nd, and 3rd person narratives and you confuse the living shit out of the reader! And what's with this "arse" business anyway? If you fucktards have a hard time saying "ass", then just call it a butt or a rump or something. Jeeez.
I liked your story. You described everything so well, that I could actually picture it. Good job.
You obviously didn't read your story and yet you expect us to do so! You just couldn't settle on whether the heroine was "Lisa" or "you". It completely spoiled the story, which was weak enough anyway.
I was insulted by your casual approach - you don't think your readers are worth bothering about.