All Comments on 'So Horrible'

this was a good story I have to say.

Well done!! Goes to show you never know when its your time to go

Sweet, sad and yet still amazingly HOT. So yes, apparently there can be a really good Christmas story that includes a sexy dead girl.

Only you, LCL, could make this work. Sweet and hot.

This was brilliantly executed, until the ending.

Obviously, you were going for the huge plot twist, but it was jarring to the point of bizarre. It might have worked better if you'd fleshed that final section out a bit, because it felt rushed, and that only contributed to the "are you serious?" effect.

Also, it's okay to use slang, but watch the acronyms. Not all of us are young and hip enough to know what things like "DTF" mean, and we shouldn't have to run to G00gle for definitions. It's a pain in the ass, and takes our attention away from your otherwise well-crafted prose.

No! you cant die and leave her! she cries! dont you care, is awful for her!!!

As others have mentioned, super-great story until the ending. I don't necessarily demand a nice, "they lived happily ever after"-ending in the stories I read, but this one felt a bit rushed. It was a nice plot twist, actually a bit impressive, but I feel it was too hastily written. The sexy parts were really hot though. (Although, you could have fleshed them out even more)

Now please do an anonymous, long-time fan a favor and write the 5th goddamned chapter of the "my GF"- series, pwetty pwetty pwease?

Loved it. Sad, but loved it.

No one can say you didn't warn us!

Thanks for sharing your wonderful talent.

Doc

retarded

Really enjoyed although I'll agree with the person gigged you for using abbreviated street slang. It's kinda OK since you've written first person, but you probably should have spelled it out.

To those complaining about the abruptness of the ending, I liked it, and it makes in the narrative flow to me - you're getting the story first person and the narrator gets run over and killed. That there's not much after that is fine since the dead don't linger. A longer and more specific narrative post death would have worked if there was a switch from Lea to Anna as the narrator

Its a horrible ending. I agree anonymous fan, but I want another snowball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loved it from beginning to end.

What a story: short, sweet, sexy, even the odd funny moment and then... sad

life sometimes happens like that.

thank you so much for sharing.

What can I say... great story, fantastic characters - what's not to like? Well, the shock ending, perhaps - though literarily, it worked very well, and it certainly ensures that a marvelous shorter story like this doesn't garner a ton of requests - or even demands - for a sequel...

On that thought, though, a sequel *could* be written in the form of an erotic ghost story ;)

Technically speaking, I don't like your style. In my opinion, the slang and abbreviations, although likely true to the character of Lea, broke the fluidity and ease of reading. Too much realistic speech patterns can sometimes harm the story.

Otherwise, I found the mechanic of actively telling the story from the dead person's perspective to be fresh and pleasantly unexpected. I truly thought Annabelle was going to be harmed, or someone raped and changed.

Also, I thought your pacing to be spot on. Three weeks - it never felt too drawn out or condensed.

As for the sad ending - applause to you for breaking out of the redundant norm - the clichéd "happy ever after" - and delivering that bittersweet finale.

But damn you for ending a potential feel good story.

Hence my love and hate.

Thank You and Damn You.

Nothing as describes it better. Kudos!

Thanks everyone for your critiques and compliments. Sorry about the slang. I didn't realize the DTF was an obscure phrase.

You'd think there'd be no requests for a sequel, but - of the several I got - tygz was the only person to offer a concrete suggestion. Lea would make a wonderfully obnoxious and neurotic ghost.

I wrote this as sort of a bet/challenge between friends, and have another friendly competition story in the works. I intend to go back to "My GF" after that, if only because I'm a sucker for eloquent, polite girls with typing impediments. ;-P The sequel to "Snowball" eludes me, so I'm open to suggestions, but backburnering it.

YOU ARE SO HORRIBLE, TO LET IT END SO HORRIBLE!

I enjoyed this story very much. The pace is good and characters charming. Leah's thoughts had me grinning at their sassiness. Sweet and short, it enthralled me from the beginning to the end. WITH THE EMPHASIS BEING ON .... END...... **grin**

The End was kinda funny to me. It almost sounded like sarcasm. Btw you definately have a type. I think you could've made it worse if the getting hit by the car was longer and more discriptive and Lea wasn't expecting it at all. But maybe you didn't want to make it that bad to still please the readers. But overall good story

LCL. I have to complement you for this creative story and energy of your characters. I have to disagree with those readers who fault your use of slang and personality language as that is your writing style. So it takes a little bit of effort on our part to comprehend your characters dialog.

I deliberately mix up my writing to force my readers to take the time to think about what they are reading. A lot of commentators really hate that! I don't care, my writing tends toward the experimental. "You're mad! Mad, I tell you! The World is not ready for such futurist language." And I always reply "Bwhahahaha!" as I sit in my command chair, stroking the soft fur of the pussy in my lap.

Generally it takes me at least three or four attempts to submit a story to Literotica. The site administrators, interning from a nearby middle-school, rarely understand my writings. For future submissions, I am going to make each stand-alone, as submitting each chapter sequentially seems to be very difficult for the system to handle.

I have a number of storyline's, where each section can be read by itself. Like assembling scraps of cloth into a quilt. I think these genre of stories should be called "Life Stories". There will be no real ending for them. As in 'Real Life', people we know pass on. We ourselves, you and I, we die but the world keeps on spinning. After we are all gone, whatever the future holds. The wind will blow, water will flow, the Sun will shine and the Moon reflect.

Normally I don't like it when descriptions give away that there is a sad ending, but this was handled so well I didn't mind.

I couldn't figure out why she was standing her up, was she some kind of a weird predator who seduced people just to dump them for no reason? Then the reason for the "standing her up!"

Please ignore the haters.

I like happy endings, too, but you have to take the bitter with the sweet.

This story was nominated for best gay/lesbian/gender bending story of the year:

http://clitoridesawards.org/

Author also

Lol...It was a good story. Although you did warn about the

unhappy ending.....still....the last words.... a little depressing lol.

But either way, slightly depressing or not, still good work of literature. XD

Keep it up.~

Nicole<3

I've always been a fan of tragic stories. It is refreshing to read something out of the Literotica ordinary. Not only am I fan of the story itself, but a fan of your mix of eloquent and vulgar language. I think it was a great way to characterize the interaction between Lea and Annabelle as it was both elegant and tawdry. Thank you so much for this contribution.

LesbianChickLit, __ You wrote a beautiful story with two fun loving sexy girls, but such a sad ending! I read somewhere that, death is just something that happens, while you're planning something else.

It struck me after reading the other comments. Whether the readers loved it or hates it, this story has inspired a lot of emotion. 23 comments! That's more comments than I've ever seen posted on any one story.

Even though it wasn't a feel good ending, with two Lesbians licking off into the sunset.

Thank You, I enjoyed reading this story....

Gay Paige.

Gets me Everytime!!!!

So beautiful and so sad.

Doesn't matter what we do in life in the end it's all that if we only live for pleasures.

.......... of our existence and none of us know when it comes to us.

Like many others, I prefer a happy ending but I also know that it sometimes doesn`t work that way in reality.

This was a loving, erotic and sadly realistic story of love lost.

The universe doe not care when it takes someone away.

Sad but great story.

God damn.