by doitright
Good premise.
You REALLY need an editor/proofreader.
Sex was too rushed.
She acceded to being ass fucked too easily.
Needed more playing/teasing with his finger/s.
Maybe even some anal licking to convincer her - and- provide some lubrication.
Four stars.
Very well written!....the mention of all of the contrasting emotions and sensations was masterful.
I love the imagery you paint for us! In my mind’s eye (ear?) I see/hear it with mild, but meaningful, deviations, such as:
“Slower, please." She told me.
"Okay. Do you like it?"
"Yes."
“Do you like it, here, in your ass?”
“Yes.”
“Say it.”
After a slight pause, she whispered, “I like it, in my ass.” She moaned as she said “ass”, and her firm, taunt ass cheeks tightened and quivered.”
Thank you so much for giving us this story! It deserves at least ONE MORE chapter! Awesome!!
X-Man
A tour de force!
5.0 = 💯% (🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟) ❤❤!
Danitza is a keeper. End of story. Full stop.
I am copy pasting abridged version of another user's comment:
"Jim44444 over 8 years ago
Good story line
... the story itself was great. It went beyond the usual physical descriptions of a sex act and delved into his emotional turmoil. Thank you for writing."
(1) This story is way more than literary pornography.
(2) As on Aug 11 2021, this story has got
120 favorites (faves) out of 147.6 views, which is 0.81 faves per 1k views, an excellent faves-to-views ratio!
☆☆☆☆☆ (5)! Erotic. 👍👍! ❤.
Both Danitza and Ivonne are keepers and he can't have both of them.
Some of these descriptions border on poetry. I could see, if I so chose, with their eyes, and feel with their bodies and minds.
The story did not quite capture the shallowness of people who behave this way, and what they ultimately lose whether found out or not. But it did give a sense of the motives, such as they are.
I totally agree with ramonbrook’s comment!!! I think u shd def do wat they suggest. N honestly ppl need to calm themselves bout the spelling n shit. Like ur here to read stories. If u want to fix grammar I suggest goin to a different site bc let’s face it, ur not here for the grammer n if u r, I feel bad for ur pathetic ass. I hope to read more of this story in the future. Best of luck on ur future stories....
Captures everything, not just the forbidden sex, but the guilty turmoil in their minds at the pleasure they shared.
I really believe you should continue with this story line where he takes his best friends girlfriend, Danitza (btw love the name, it exudes sexuality), to new experiences and maybe even makes her his!
As long as nobody is married, I feel, all is fair in love and war! Gave it a five!
Yeah, there were mechanical problems that an editor would catch but the story itself was great. It went beyond the usual physical descriptions of a sex act and delved into his emotional turmoil. Thank you for writing.
On the spelling in this story? Yes, I noticed the errors as well, but didn't come to this site to give authors a bunch of shit about their spelling and grammar!
This story, as well as the previous, one was excellent and I for one hope to read more about danitza getting more into it.
I love your imagination and enjoy your work, and most of all DO NOT TAKE these negative comments to heart but if you need to consider them use them to fine tune your art.
Just my thoughts !
"There was more people in the house..." That's incorrect Enlish. And eitor would help a lot!!
But just occasionally the sheer power of a story takes me past that. This one certainly did. Thank you. I
Muthafuck da' chump who goes grammarnazi mode as a shame spiral reflex to good porn. Miss a million semi-colon & comma insertions & I care not a whit, as long as the haughty hottie gets it in the end. The author brought 3 dimensional flair to the taboo tryst. That's the " bottom line".
... "taught" and "taut"?
Perhaps you should look words up in a dictionary before you use the wrong 'homophone'!
Then perhaps you can 'doitright'!!