All Comments on 'Sophia Pt. 01'

killed in a car accident, i hear.

well a critic i am not but i know a good story when i read one, and this is a good one.

I enjoyed it. Good work

I am so enjoying this story. I'm glad you had enough encouragement to carry on! By the way, I enjoyed the food scenes as well. You're good!

[Gualterio]

I mean this as nicely as possible, but you need to get someone to proofread your work. You have so many extraneous commas that it makes your story really unpleasant to read.

depending on all the circumstances. TK U MLJ LV NV

A little hard to follow the change in character dialog at times but a really interesting story so far.

This is a wonderful well written story. I like the change in perspectives of the two main characters. Don't worry about commas - whoever reads it will easily understand the "pause" intended. Please don't let any negative comments stop you.

Also are we to understand the title Sophia is possibly the product of the pair?

Perhaps redemption for him, by virtue of his good dees? Financial ruin for Barbara, very likely. And Maria and company, a good start would be to get back into world, even if they are collateeral to it for him.

Doesn't get any better than this!

Loved the story, especially seeing the gradual changes in character and hearing the conversations from each one. Looking forword to the next installment.

Don's character does not seem to me that he is a capable parent. He needs to give his daughters more direction.

It was refreshingly "Real World' to find the main female character express that she did not feel an instant erotic attraction to the unbelievably decent main male character. I believe the author can develop the characters to have love grow from admiration and respect; not a bad foundation to build on.

I can't believe the scores and favorable comments on this garbage. It meanders and is practically unreadable. It desperately needed an editor, and I don't mean just for grammar. A score of "3" would be generous for this. But it got a 4.73 on LW and ranks high on the all time list for LW????? And a story like "love me tender - please" by Kathi only got 4.0 or so? What nonsense. The scores on this site mean nothing.

@The person below

Lest see you do better.

I don't often read stories where, when I'm half way thru, I actually stop and say to myself that I'm going to PISSED if there aren't multiple chapters. Keep it coming!

Delightful story, great characters, funny and just the right pace - just keep it coming .

It's a fucking good one and don't listen those who say otherwise.

This was one good story...it was funny and sad.

Ai carumba, your grammar stinks! I hope english is your second language, because your punctuation and grammar are atrocious. You put a thousand commas in your sentences at the oddest places, and it makes your tale unreadable. I read three plus pages, and then had to give up.

Get someone to edit this, so the rest of us can stomach it. You seem to have gotten a lot of good reviews--if the other comments can be trusted--so do yourself a favor and brush up on your sentence structure, punctuation, and, above all, get an editor!

You start off as 'Don' writing in the first person. Then you write in 3rd person. Then you write as Maria in first person. Then you write something that sounds like the Ex's confession but I'm not sure who it is 'cause you don't tell us. Then it's Don in 1st person then Maria in first person. And I'm only on page 3 or 4 where he's in Maria's garage and going in to the shower. The storyline is good but the writing is so bad.

No wonder the guy's a cuckold. He's a complete dousebag. And if he eats all the stuff he makes he's about 300 lbs. The guy would make a nice wife. I know I'm a MSP but I like men to be men. Cooking 1 thing ok, cooking WITH the others ok but paalease, pies and cakes and homemade pizza and sent off to bed when he's done. The guy should shoot himself or come out of the closet. (I know, another stereotype).

The choppy style makes it fun to read. Maybe a little better editing here or there, but nothing so bad that it caused any confusion. LOOKING FORWARD TO READING THE NEXT PART.

Well maybe a lot - nothing about your construction interferes with the story line or interrupts flow (very much anyway) - so I would only suggest you and your editor do a bit more final checking -

The story is off the a wonderful start - not just fun or good or neat - wonderful -

So much irony, a fair amount of pathos and Don shows a complexity that is endearing if not exactly WWE macho - which is OK since none of us are that MACHO either in real life not even WWE actors. So he is a guy who enjoys creating - fixing - working - sounds pretty normal - just the what the creates is an issue???? get over it -

Not sure where you will end up - there is awesome potential that I (for one) ho;e you do not walk away from - trite and formulaic some of it might seem it would work and well and be painful for no good reason if it did not go that way - IMHO

Since it is all written we will see how happy I am at the end LOL

Damn echo ;-D.

Anyway, thanks but I think you should change the title to "THE STORY" to align with THE PIE and THE CAKE and ....

Chuckle :-)

Thx!

The super star of all writers only gave us one year of stories in 2009. I cannot believe some one who can write with the best has left us.boy are you missed and so are any stories you never wrote. If you read this , please come back.

Too bad we will never know the authors true intentions. It was posted that he passed away in an accident. I believe his editor tried to complete the series in the Romance category but it was and never will be the same. Favorite series. Always 5 stars!! RIP CastleStone.

There's no more?

This guys is AWESOME.He's Rhenquist and DQSteele awesome.

The world lost something when this author left us.

I will give my highest honor that "I" personally can give out. This story read like an R rated, perhaps an RX rated, Zane Grey novel. Large, bellicose and somewhat believable. I love every novel Zane Grey wrote, this one would give a couple of his chapters during the setup, a run for its money!

But the story is fine.

The story is great and funny but ends after Part 4 with authors death. Never finished. Begin at your own risk.

This is the best story I've read on literotica !

A Galaxy of Stars

Five Stars, Hermano!

Have more confidence in yourself. Yes, the writing needs a heavy editorial hand, very heavy, but the story shines through and it's excellent! If you want to make it erotic, that would be okay as long as it doesn't detract, but it isn't needed. Your story is already strong enough. There's no shortage of erotic material elsewhere on this site. Thank you, CastleStone, for taking the risk of putting your writing out there for all of us to enjoy. -- Barry

Five stars. can wait to finish the rest

Sooooo wonderful! Book! Book! Book! If EVER a story deserved to be made into a book, this one is definitely the one! I simply never get tired of reading it over and over again.

The women haven't really done anything in this story what so ever. All they do is eat and relax while Don is the handyman, cook, and cleaner. These women need to work!

Laughed & Laughed. What a great read so far.

So, Don the nice oblivious husband and daddy is blindsided by a selfish, coldblooded, hateful, lying, cheating slut of a wife.

He then risks his health and potential injury selflessly to save a total stranger (Maria) in a potentially life threateningly situation.

He further risks said health and possible injury to stop/reduce the damage to Maria's home without expectation of reward or thanks because he IS a nice guy.

What is the outcome of this altruism?

1. Maria is offended because he LOOKED at her wrong!

2. Maria steals the personal property of his daughter Robin (the camera)!

3. Maria is offended because he saved her home from extensive further damage

without waking her in the middle of the night during a serious storm!

4. Maria manipulates his daughters for her own satisfaction (her maternal instincts - yeah right)!

5. Maria deigns to let him to cook for her and become her personal flunky during the first movie party with his daughters to which he was excluded!"

6. Maria calls on her Ex husband to invade Don's personal privacy and as a result he is lied to and manipulated into signing off on this invasion!

7. Maria brings in 3 man hungry sluts and again uses Don as a general dogsbody and cook to serve her and her friends during the next weekend and ANOTHER movie night where HIS daughters are without his supervision with 4 women he doesn't know to be trustworthy to which he is AGAIN excluded!

* NOTE: Does Don REALLY believe he is protecting his daughters by leaving them overnight with 4 unvetted adult women?

8. Maria allows her "friends" the sluts to tease a heart broken divorcee.

9. Maria's primary thoughts become focused on how to "improve/polish/dare I say further manipulate" Don!

Okay, so from the cheating slut he married; Don has now graduated to what?

Maria, a self-centered, narcissistic, suspicious, manipulative, amoral (theft, invasion of privacy and lying and manipulating to gain said invasion anyone) and it just goes on!

Poor Don, he can't win for losing, getting tied up with these types of sluts and bitches!

Just my thoughts, YMMV

re: WoW! Just Wow!

If you think he gets used and disrespected in this series don't read the follow-up by northlander.

In part it is due to that writer's habit of turning any character into someone else even though he claims it's a sequel.

But in the case of this series since he likes making the men less than in the original he merely exaggerates the trend.

Hope don gets a better deal now.

He's been kicked enough while he is down.

Ramjet

This is the second time I have read this fine story

Get your commas under control!

‘Scuse me ? .... Don’s worth over Two million dollars and you say he’s envious of his daughter’s Christmas present because he can’t come up with the cash for a laptop that can wipe his ass, induce orgasms and sprinkle sugar on his cornflakes?? .... Oh, yeah. I can see how believable that is. How about you other guys? That shit make sense to you, too?

The author and his/her non-existent proof readers must have been stoned or drunk to have let dumb b.s. like that get by.

Unless you have a fetish for submissive, spineless wet rags of men, don't bother reading any further.

great story, great narrative, grand and unique characters. Great loss he couldnt finish the tale! I hope this seed may spark some new writers, when ur sparked by castlestone herald him!

Hahaha! Easily 5*!

I can relate to THE PIE!

This story had me sad, simmering, very angry and laughing my ass off as well!

Very good!

The verbal exchanges with his daughters were fun to visualize. The only problem I had was occasionally figuring out who was speaking. The voice shifted and switched randomly and without warning or identification.

I'm off to read Pt. 02

Fun to read; descriptive, good dialog and I will continue. Like your exchanges with and between the daughters; sarcasm is hard to write but it comes through very well. Suggest, though, that you check use of punctuation, esp. commas, periods and sentence structure. Good story once you sort them out. Starting next chapter right now.C

Apparently this is a good story. I can't tell, though, because I find it unreadable. Commas in all the wrong places. Sentence fragments. Commas between the subject and the verb? Yikes!

Can you find someone to edit this for you and correct all your grammar and punctuation mistakes? It would be worth the effort to fix the writing, especially if the story is as good as the ratings suggest. Good luck!

You've, made, it, clear, that, you're, an, expert, on, where, commas, should, and, shouldn't, be, placed, so, I'm, sure, that, you, were, able, to, read, and, decipher, the, story, just, fine. So YIKETY YIKES and shut the fuck up.

Fact is that what the nitwit OVER complained about is true. Get an editor or learn to spell and punctuate. There's no excuse for half-assed or sloppy workmanship.

The problem with this story is that the man has know self confidence, self esteem, self respect, or control over his life. He just seemed submissive. He lets women who he doesn't know determine and try to solve problems in his private life with no protests or resistance on his part. Also why did Maria feel annoyed when he tried to help her but doesn't think about the consequences of hiring Private investigators to find information on don without Don's consent , asking his daughters about his current family situation, and revealing don's private family situation to a multitude of different people that Don doesn't even know. I'm also still wondering how Maria was irritated with him trying to help her get the tree out of her house but has know problem going behind his back hiring a P.I and telling people his business. In all honesty it just seemed like the author didn't think through all of the components of this story and because of that characters seem insensitive bitches (maria and her friends) and submissive, unsure, indecisive, and caring (Don). I really had know problems with the children. So that's an upside.

Readers should know that the story has no end. The author apparently passed away at the end of Part 4 so the final chapter was never written.

Also, the story becomes more inane with each chapter. By the time I finished chapter 3, I tried to skip to 5 because the story had become beyond foolish to simply stupid.

The author certainly has a command of the language and can express himself well. But the storyline becomes so repetitive, uninteresting, and simply unbelievable that I couldn't waste any more time with it. That's when I discovered that the ending was never written.

I recommend you not waste your time reading any further.

this story has no ending, so what, sometimes stories don't need endings, it was unfortunate the author died before the end but the story is still ok, it's worth reading and unlike Robert Jordon's Wheel of Time series it wasn't finished in a half assed fashion, I like this story, it does meander a bit but the story is fine and creates some great thought provoking ideas on how I would have loved it to end! also yes there are spelling mistakes (OH MY GOD!!) but really who cares, they aren't so big to ruin it! plus............

Liked the story a bunch. But, misused commas everywhere to the point of distraction. Still 5*****

This in my top 5 so far.

With the exception of some minor spelling and grammar issues, this was an excellent start to the story.

He would make someone a hell of a wife. But i don't know who that pussy would use to get his husband pregnant.

This guy devolves in to a eunch slave who cooks and cleans and caters to the bitches every whim, but need more "training" to be good enough for her to even start to think about the possibility she may one day grant him the honor of touching his dick

She repays him saving her life by convincing his children to lie to him and sabotaging every move he makes that would allow him to move on with his life and ensuing that he never has sex with anyone ever again let alone with her

Just can't get into this one and I have tried.

Please continue.

It's now a few minutes after 5 a m and I think I just gave up a nights sleep for the total joy of reading this...I only wish it was a 300 page novel to savor longer. Am looking forward to finishing this.

Superb work.

The author apparently found a very good deal on buying commas, then chose a "scattergun" approach for adding them to the story.

I'm not complaining, but he might want to consider using a dispenser with a smaller bore hereafter.

Looking forward to reading the rest..

Too much filler. We don't need all the details about preparing a meal. Two accidents, the car going off the road, and the tree crashing through the window of her house in a single night? One hell of a night! Way too much detail. I gave up on page 5. I'll jump ahead to Pt 02. I doubt I'll miss anything, except more arcane details, and possibly another accident. All in the same night.

We must have a similar sense of humor. I discovered Python in college, it was incredible coming home in the wee hours slightly inebriated, all right fucking drunk on my ass, turning on PBS and rolling trying to figure out British humor. John Cleese screaming at Michael Palin about a dead parrot nailed to it's perch! The came the Holy Grail... You're going for oldies rock and roll not to mention The Moody Blues is appreciated. But even Don had to know that good old Rock was gay, shit everyone knew that. Guess no one hit him with the clue bat that time either. Glad to see their are good comments on this story along with mine. Lots of room for body pieces and parts galore starting with his old company president, boss, co-workers, judge and all of the rest. Time to go to Pt. 02, keep on, keep'n on. Signed: BTW

I can believe this as My Cousin got hosed on his Divorce .. He even had pictures and Audio to boot .. It was not allowed in Court . But someone got a Copy and emailed her friends and Family .. I have no idea who did it .. That is My Story and I am sticking to it

It started out on a 'bad' note. Then it got funny. Great writing.

they NEVER have sex,

she repays him by making sure to sabotage any chance he has of getting a girlfriend,

she encourages his children to lie to him, disrespect him, and hold him in disdain,

she treats him like a servant, and only tolerates his presence so she can pretend at being a mother to his kids

For all of you naysayers......BLEEEGH!

She either loves him for him or not. She talks about changing him. Her friends are behaving like assholes. And yeah cut the food nonsense out and reduce the story by 2 pages. A little goes a long way. I just don't see the purpose other than to increase character count. We get it, he cooks well.

Normally seeing a story this long I would run from it rather than commit to something this long. Luckily for me I was three pages in before I noticed how long the story was. By then I was hooked. So on to part two.

Avoid if you want an ending, for this 4-part series is not finished and looks like it never will be.

Skilled writing, vivid characters, gets you hooked, and leaves you in the middle of nowhere.

Did the author die in 2009 or did he just lose interest?

And got very boring as it dragged on with mundane tasks towards the end and it got very creepy with the new woman who gets a P.I to check this dude out and seems obsessed with the children. Then the main character spends all his time in the kitchen cooking and is portrayed as DIY Rambo the rest of the time. Lack of quality but ok to read and pass the time if you have nothing better to do.

it was fun...but, commas, commas everywhere. get someone to sweep them away. terrible spelling/malapropisms as well.

still, read it and enjoyed it.

Please learn how to use a comma!

I was very sorry to hear about your passing, even though it was over a decade ago. You wrote great work in my opinion.

CastleStone passed away. If you want an ending, please read Northlander' s "Sophia Continued."

Pennarossa

Hey! What's not to like, very good writing, you grab me in the first couple of paragraphs. The story subject is just about everything. Please keep going. I loved the sound of drums thing with THE PIE. Excellent writing. Do you have any books out? Keep writing, please! What's this? Our author passed away?

Wonderful story. The world is a poorer place without you in it. 😢

Who is Sophia?

Absolutely a great start to a wonderful story! Just one request..JUST KEEP WRITING!!!

Absolutely wonderful story. Definitely a 5 star 🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨🌟

Very good! Posting 5 stars.

He was past being mr. Perfect. Maggot gagging, super sweet, perfect, can do anything, totally unbeliveable SUPER DON!!!

Who cares about rich people? If you didn't give your characters millions and millions there wouldn't be a story. It's all about the money.

AVERAGE value of assets at divorce in LW stories? $3.2 million.

great writing, dialogue, unspoken thoughts, double entree's like "The Pie and The Cake", etc. Maybe a page too long but quite engaging, funny, romantic.

Too many, commas, friend.

Great story, very good writing. What the hell happened with proofreading???? Severe case of comma-itis!!! There has got to be something wrong with the way Literotica brings the text to the website because after the author of every story thanks the editors and proofreaders for their diligent efforts the text is riddled with grammer, punctuation and wrong word errors Susan as they’re for their, etc. that’s just crazy!

Nothing boosts a broken man's confidence about his masculinity more than making him cook meals after meals for a bunch of women while pretending to help his daughter.

Not sure how I should feel for Maria character.

I agree with some of the comments on proof-reading and editing. More so because this is a pretty long story.

Please be warned that this series is incomplete from past over a decade.

If you want to read 4 stories each worth 10-12 pages each and don't want any closure - you may like this series.

I've enjoyed the 1st part a lot, hope the rest lives up to the start.

Shame the writer never finished this, it would be great if someone else took it over.

Darn, should have read the comments before reading the story. Great story, 5 stars but according to the other comments no ending. Another "A Town Without Honor" situation where a good story is abandoned.

As you pointed out in the beginning a lot of talk about food.

I like the idea and characters who seem like they are good people, but let’s get to the sex now please

Well done. The “food” adds to the story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/sophia-continued-pt-01

northlander took up the torch to finish this story.

I wish you would have finished this story!

5

What a charming full of onion layers of serendipity.

Characters are 3 dimensional sketches of descriptive

emotional adolescents. Like the relationships of the children acting like adults versus adults acting like children. What is revealing is when they care about others selflessly in contrast to self centered narcissistic entitled actions. Enjoy your creative talent. Thank you.

Awesome story. Liked the way its written.cant wait to read chapter 2.thank you for your work