Sophia Pt. 02

He then brought in one of my folding tables for his food so we could eat together. We had a wonderful conversation about everything under the sun. We talked about Megan and Robin, both my homes, his home, dancing, skiing, old movies and he even talked a bit about his meetings with his therapist. I could tell that he kept strictly to the light stuff. He remarked that one time he even had his therapist laughing uncontrollably. He started to tell me what caused the laughter, but then he suddenly stopped himself and said that he had to keep it a secret for now. To say that I wasn't curious would be a lie, but no matter how I pleaded with him he refused to give.

It being the Christmas season we decided to watch "A Christmas Carol", the one with Alastair Sim. At first we were going to watch it in my room, but I really wanted to get out of bed so we decided to watch it in my entertainment room. I carefully stumbled when I got out of bed; Don thought it was weakness from my illness and he quickly put his arms around me. When I didn't object, he gently picked me up and carried me to the couch in the other room. Vanessa is so right, the man is strong, and he carried me as if I were as light as a feather.

I thanked him for carrying me while he put the DVD in the player. I think I have every Christmas movie ever made. I just knew that when he came back that he would sit in the arm chair instead of sitting on the couch with me. I had to prevent that.

"Oh, my!" I said loudly when he got close to sitting down. I put my hand to my head and leaned back, as if I was in pain. Don came rushing over, just like I planned, and gently placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Maria, are you okay?" He was breathing deeply with worry and his face looked panic stricken.

I quickly grabbed his hand with mine and gently pulled him onto the couch beside me while acting as if I were doing it out of pain or seeking comfort from pain. Don, being worried about my condition, didn't resist in the least.

I finally realized he was waiting for an answer to his question. "Oh, Don, a splitting headache suddenly hit me for just a moment, and then a bit of dizziness."

"Maria, maybe I should carry you back to bed?"

"No, Don, please – I think the best thing for me to do is just to sit up for a while. I've been lying down too much for the past three or four days. The headache was only for a second and the dizziness is gone. So don't worry, let's sit here and enjoy the movie. My diabolical plan had worked, Don was stuck; he couldn't get up and sit somewhere else, that would be rude.

Don turned out to be as big a Christmas movie buff as I was. He told me how on Christmas Eve it had been a requirement of his that he and his family watch all the great classic animated Christmas programs. Then on Christmas Day, after opening presents, they would start watching all the great classic Christmas movies. That was a multi-day event that had to be completed before New Year's Eve, Don stated with conviction. Because of the divorce, he said, the schedule was now pushed back one day. However, as far as he was concerned, Christmas didn't officially start unless he was with Megan and Robin. Though he went to church on the twenty-fifth, Don didn't celebrate Christmas until the twenty-sixth. He figured that God, being a family man, would understand.

"Maria, I get the children back Christmas night. Would you maybe want to spend it with us, and the twenty-sixth too?" Don asked hesitantly. "It would make them, and me, really happy."

And yes, she SCORES!!! The crowd goes wild! The chant begins Maria! Maria! Maria!

Quite demurely I replied, "Why, Don, I would love to spend it with you three. Perhaps if you and they would like we could spend it at my home in the mountains. Every year I've got a massive Christmas tree I put up. I would really enjoy showing it to Megan and Robin."

"That would be great, Maria! Thank you so much for your offer. I know how much they like your home. If I pick them up at six, with luck we should be there by eight-thirty."

We ended up missing a lot of that movie, but we did pause our conversation for the good parts, of course.

After seeing me back to bed, Don left for his own apartment. Oh god, my condo had never seemed so empty before.

…………………………………………

I told Megan and Robin about spending Christmas with Maria. They were thrilled and panic stricken at the same time.

"We've got to get Maria a fantastic present! What are we going to get her?"

That question put me in a panic. After buying all our ski gear, of course we had to get Maria a great present. "And what about Vanessa, Freddie and Kathy?" I asked them, which made their panic even worse.

I suddenly had a brain fart. One of my tenants is a jewelry designer, or wants to be one. He's in a special apprenticeship and already makes some of his own designs. He was a fire hazard in his apartment, but I understood his difficulties so I let him use my tool room in the basement. I've got two tables with fume hoods down there, and one is fully enclosed. I have torches and even a kiln; I do love tools, especially when I can pick them up really cheap. I gave him a call and asked him to come by. He owed me some favors, and now was the time to pay.

"Hi, Ken, thank you for coming; my girls and I have a problem. We've got four new friends who have been a really big help to us for these past couple of months. These ladies are smart and beautiful, and we want to give them presents that will really knock their socks off."

"Sure, Don, right now I've got some extra time. Things haven't been so hot for me this month, but we are only talking about sixteen days here for four pieces of jewelry. That's pretty tight. What do you have in mind?"

"Well, I thought we would just tell you about the women, give you a price range and trust you to come up with some good designs. No pressure, you understand." I gave him a big grin.

"Gee thanks, Don, I will be sure to tell my boyfriend what a great guy you are." Ken said mock sarcastically.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Ken I'm sorry but I don't know what to buy them and it really is important to us that we get them the best presents we can."

At that point Robin opened her big mouth. "Daddy," she said so innocently, but I could tell by her grin that what was coming out would be bad. Megan, too, knew something was coming, but she always enjoyed her younger sister's explosive comments. "Daddy, just before we met Maria, do you remember you were talking about Queen, Rock Hudson and other things like that? Well Daddy, I was wondering about Ken and……"

"Robin, shut up, Rock Hudson was not gay."

"Don, what is going on here? I think……"

"My daughter is what is going on here and she likes to play with nitroglycerine. If we encourage her…"

"But, Daddy…"

"Robin, Rock Hudson was not gay, Ken is not gay and neither is his boyfriend. Have I made myself clear?

"Actually, Don, I think my boyfriend might be gay. Megan and Robin did notice their dad is going to a gay guy for advice about what to buy a woman. Have they covered stereotyping in school, yet?" He was looking at me with a big grin.

"Don't you start with me or I'll start charging you for double occupancy because your boyfriend is in your apartment all the time."

With a lot of work I got the conversation back on topic. My, girls bless their hearts, already knew the birth dates of our four targets and their preferences in jewelry. Maria likes necklaces and earrings, Freddie and Vanessa like earrings and bracelets, and Kathy likes earrings but she has a fondness for old style broaches too. Ken perked up at that and he said that it wasn't often that he had a chance to work on designing a broach.

He and I walked back to my office to discuss prices. I told him I wanted only quality materials to be used. I would prefer something small, built of good quality metal and gems rather than something big built out of junk. For Maria I told him to spend ten to fifteen thousand, for her friends three to five thousand, but I would prefer the higher figure.

Ken told me that he would need a check right away for materials and he would charge me a thousand dollars per person to design and construct jewelry for Maria's friends, but for Maria, he would charge two thousand. I said that seemed reasonable. What do I know about jewelry? Ken always seemed honest and, on top of that, I know where he lives. I also told him that he didn't have to pay next month's rent as a bonus. I just begged him to give it his best effort. I gave him a check for twenty thousand and a credit card number if he had to make any quick purchases. If he needed more money, he knew where to find me.

I was spending almost a third of my yearly income, but the way my life had turned around in the past few months made it seem like I was getting away with a bargain.

Ken left and I went back to talk with my girls. "Megan, Robin, I just had a thought."

"Oh, oh! Daddy is thinking again. I thought we told you to stop that!" said Megan with a grin. And here I thought she was my good child. She and Robin exchanged high fives.

"I swear I'm going to sell you as crew on a Japanese fishing trawler. You'll eat nothing but really fresh sushi for months and you'll never have a piece of THE PIE again." That shut them up!

"We are buying gifts for our new friends and it is very possible that they will not be expecting us to. It is also very likely, since we are so new in their lives, that they will not be buying us any gifts, which is fine by me as I'm happy just to have them as friends. So, if we don't get any gifts from them don't act disappointed, okay? We wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. After all, look at us, we almost forgot to get them something, so they might forget too."

Megan and Robin just looked at me pityingly and shook their heads. "Dad, Dad, Dad, you call that a thought?" Megan said. "Just being with them, especially Maria, is present enough for us. We know better than to act like spoiled kids."

"Megan, I think Daddy is just getting old. Brain cells are dying." Robin shook her head sadly.

I'm going to strangle them and I'll never be convicted. They'll call it justifiable homicide; I might even get a statue erected in my honor for saving the world from them.

Maria came by as normal on Wednesday and spoke about the upcoming weekend. She was all excited about decorating her house for Christmas, which then got Megan and Robin all excited. They began gabbing away about how to decorate Maria's house. Maria wanted them to go shopping with her Thursday night for decorations, but they had to say no. They hadn't been spending enough time with their mom lately. They just had to spend Thursday night with her, especially since they would be back with me and Maria for Friday night. Maria understood, but I thought she looked a little peeved when they mentioned their mother. Then Megan volunteered me to go with Maria. Maria looked up so hopefully that I told them sure, I would be happy to go, and actually I was, I always enjoyed Christmas. Back when I was married, Barbara would always disparage my joy in the season and I never could understand why.

That Thursday night I met Maria at her condo to go shopping. We took her SUV, since it was bigger. Surprisingly, she had me drive, and here's how the evening routine progressed. We would be passing a store and she would suddenly say, "Ooh, ooh, stop here, right here, there's a parking space." The parking space she would be pointing at would be just barely big enough for a motorcycle, let alone her SUV, so I would have to drive further for a decent size space. First, though, I would offer to drop her off at the door and she would politely and firmly refuse. So, for the inevitable long walk back to the store from the parking space, she would harangue me about passing up the first space.

To make matters worse, when we would walk by the space that I had rejected, we would find that someone had already parked a vehicle in it, one even bigger than Maria's SUV. I swear I don't know how they did it or how they got out of their car after they did it. That didn't happen just once that night, it happened three times.

So, after the third time it happened, I just gave the keys back to Maria. We hit a few more stores and sure enough at one of them was a space too small, in my opinion. Maria looked at me with a fierce expression and pulled right in. But we did have a hell of a time getting ourselves out and back in the SUV. We actually had to climb into the back of the SUV, work our way over all the shopping bags, and climb out and back in using the rear hatch. I didn't dare say a word of complaint, though. I think she would have killed me.

Even with the parking space dance, I had fun that night. We bought ornaments, tinsel, lights and Christmas village sets. Maria even bought a special Christmas train that she could program to run around her home; it didn't need tracks. The locomotive pulled three open cars that you could put presents or food in. It came with a charger that looked like a little train station. When the battery was low, the train would automatically pull up to the toy building and start to charge. The thing wasn't cheap, but she thought Megan and Robin would get a kick out of it. I thought Maria was pretty darned excited by it, too.

That was one busy weekend. We decorated, we skied, we danced and we ate too much. Maria extended invitations to our late Christmas celebration to her three girl friends. Freddie was already going to be there with Maria starting on the twenty-third and now that Vanessa and Kathy heard about our plans for the twenty-sixth they said they could be at Maria's early in the morning for a second Christmas. So, the whole gang would all be together again at Maria's home for Megan and Robin.

Maria's normal visit on Wednesday the week before Christmas was kind of a sad one for me because after that my babies would be with their mother until the twenty-fifth. I knew that I probably see them more than my fair share, but I love them. I was kind of hoping that Maria might extend me an invitation to do something during the following week, but she didn't mention anything. We had a good time that night anyway; we watched "Miracle on 34^th Street" and I baked THE CAKE especially for them. In the morning everybody left and man, it was lonely after that.

……………………………………

Across town Barbara was having a difficult time dealing with the holiday season as she thought about her life.

The past couple of months have really sucked. I've hardly seen Megan and Robin at all. I don't dare complain, because everything is my fault. Of course Don wants to spend time with them and of course they want to see their father, but where does that leave me, the lonely villain of the piece? When it all started over two years ago Don was supposed to have them every weekend starting Saturday morning to Sunday night. Then it became Friday night to Monday morning. Since then they've added Wednesday night too. And frequently it is one more random night a week. So at most I see my daughters three nights a week, and sometimes only two.

Sure, I can go out with friends on those nights when I'm alone, but I've got a lot less real friends nowadays. I deservedly lost most of those after the divorce. They didn't like how I had deceived them and used them to hurt Don, and I can't blame them – I was a nasty, adulterous bitch.

Some of the people I go out with associate with me only because I pay for everything. The only time I can even fake happiness is when I'm on a romantic date. For just a little while I can lose myself in the evening. But then the evening is over and I crash even worse. I will never be able to find someone to replace Don and I don't even want to try. I was a fucking idiot, I must have been out of my mind!

Well, at least I'll have Megan and Robin for the next week. We'll be going to my parents' house. I love my kids, but I can't stand to be alone with them. The looks they give me sometimes are so dreadful with their accusing eyes that seem to say, "Why did you ruin our family? Why did you cheat on our daddy? Why are you an adulterous slut?" I just cringe when they do that. With my parents there, there will be other distractions so I don't get so many of those horrible looks. I will get a few from my mother, though. I remember how Dad tried to put some of the blame for my cheating on Don that one time. Well, Mom wasn't going to put up with any of that, so she told him off good and me, too, indirectly. She had him sleeping on the couch for a month even though they've got a big house with available guest bedrooms. Something he said made her think that he might have cheated on her in the past, I guess. Dad's been walking on thin ice ever since.

Mom has never said a bad word about me; I know she still loves me, but she is so disappointed in me. She did try to give me helpful advice once, but most of it wasn't helpful at all in the face of the enormity of my sins.

When Don divorced me, my heart was crushed but it was still beating. Now every day what remains of my heart gets another little cut or two. A look from my daughters, a memory of Don, a look from my mother, and there are other ways that I get those little cuts. The truth is that I am emotionally and mentally dying, and when my heart finally stops beating I am beginning to wonder if anyone will miss me. When my emotional heart finally stops, I know that I won't be able to live like that and it will be time to finish off my physical heart.

My daughters are home from school. Time to watch their faces shut down. When I spy on them walking up our street, their faces are so happy. Probably talking about their time with their father. Then when they open the door their faces will completely change. I know that they are not doing it deliberately to hurt me, but it happens all the same.

"Mom, were home," calls out my oldest.

"I'm in the kitchen." I'm trying to make them an after school snack. I'm a decent cook and actually I can cook more things than Don. There is something magical about the things that Don makes, however, that I can't even come close to matching. I've long since given up trying to bake. I've made them both a toasted club sandwich. I wonder if this time they will eat it, or just say they are not hungry again?

I can hear their footsteps approaching. That's odd, these footsteps aren't normal. Ever since the divorce their footsteps have been slow when approaching me, like they were only reluctantly coming to me. But this time they seem to be full of energy. I looked up hopefully.

"Hi, Momma, we missed you," Robin says, as Megan rushes over to give me hug. What the hell is happening? I like it, but what is happening? I hug my daughter back and she doesn't start to let go until I finally stop the fierceness of my hug. It is wonderful. I kiss the top of her head, as I let her go.

Robin steps up to give me a hug, bliss.

"Oh, I missed both of you too, so much. How was school and how was your time with your father?" That is a safe question to ask. They will give me details about school, but only talk in the most general terms regarding Don. I mentally castigate myself again, I know why they do that and, truthfully, it is no less than I deserve.

As Robin steps back, I kiss her cheek. "I hope you're hungry? I've made you a couple of sandwiches with chips."

"Starving, Mom," Robin says as she pulls out a chair to sit down. Megan sits down to and asks, "Do we have any bread and butter pickles?"