All Comments on 'Spirit River'

"Years ago, at my stag, my father-in-law, who like the rest of us had had too much to drink, told me of his most exquisite sexual experience, not with my mother, but away in Korea."

What? I'm confused! What the hell does your father-in-law have to do with your mother? Was it your father telling the story, or was it your father-in-law and you forgot to add "in-law" to mother?

As for the rest of the story, the first 4 paragraphs (IMHO) sounded more like a Canadian tourist brochure, pointing out all the fun that can be had. Although this was well written, it wasn't exactly erotic, especially since you left out what "maja" looked like naked. I'm also not fond of the fact that you left her name in lower case, while you made sure your character's name was properly capitalized. Like I said, it was well written but was missing a great deal of everything.

I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing.

Loved every part even some of the little mistakes. But really tell a very well detailed story that was very interesting. Also arousing :)

You probably should have explained what a "portage" is. I had to look it up, which took me out of the story. I was going to ask you what an "eras cable old bear" was, but I finally figured that you meant "an irascible old bear".

I agree with the other Knight, this was well written but quite short and lacking in details.

I found the narrator's blase attitude a bit off-putting as well; there's a naked woman who's obviously been abused, ah well I'll just let her sleep until I feel oike canoeing for help. Let's play in the water! How dare she waste brandy? Ah, cheating-on-my-wife-sex. Mysterious abused woman is gone! Caught some fish. Hm, spooky ghost stoey. Caught some more fish.

"Irascible." That particular error is quite odd, but I'll put it down to autocorrect or spellcheck being bitchy.

Overall, a good effort... I rated 4*.

It does kind of start as a travelogue, but it's not necessarily a bad style.

mash = a marsh as pronounced in New England?

The father-in-law and mother could be kinky shenanigans - wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Eras are long geological time periods and cables being twisted wires either for electrical function or for a super-strong carry or holding duty, such as for winches. I prefer wenches to winches, though the wenches can be witches if they like. Hmm. Which witch wenches use winches wending well water? Wonderful whimsical what-not. Grumpy is a better fit, I think, with the outdoorsy theme.

The fact that the unnamed vacationer finds and renders aid is good. He does talk about the lack of rail access, but then chooses to laze about and fish rather than helping someone who appeared badly injured get to medical attention as soon as possible, i.e., cut the bloody trip short. What would have allayed some concerns, I think, is if you had mentioned that she appeared exhausted or too fragile to move. But again, the fact that he continued to vacation, away from her proximity had the appearance of serious callousness and contributed to making the narrator not only grumpy but a bit of a selfish prick. More, after such abuse, no concern that the villains might still be around? Grumpy bears don't fear no Deliverance?

The foot-binding was a nice clue. If she did live for years afterward, interesting that she is now a restless spirit that tests solo travelers; such spirits are usually from traumatic death (tied to the spot of their demise because their shock prevents them from recognizing they have actually dies) or as divine punishment for a selfish or cruel act. What crime merits one's spirit being condemned to test solo outdoors folk and reward the good ones with oral sex? I mean that would really suck, and no pun intended. If he had tried to hustle her back to civilization, would she have jumped his bones -- more passion for more compassion idea? No reference as to why the waterways are The Spirit River System. Maybe the waterways are named in honor of Maja's ghost, eh?

In general, the writing is good; questionable character of protagonist. Thanks for sharing! 4*

the links for the contest were a good idea, else I would never have seen it nice