Staring at the Sun Ch. 03

"You've been quiet."

"I've been thinking."

Richard groaned and looked at the drinks list. "That sounds like bad news."

I paused. "I might fly home at the weekend and leave you to come back on your own. You can spend as long as you want then with Jake and his hospitality."

My husband stared at me in shock. "What did you say?"

"You heard. I could fly home from Bordeaux. It's not far away."

I saw his hands tighten around the flimsy menu card and felt my heart beat faster. "And what makes you think I'm going to agree to that?"

"I can do what I like, Richard. I'm a grown woman, in case you hadn't noticed, and I don't see why I should have to go along with you just because you've decided on something."

"This is our holiday, Louise! Just tell me - what is it about Jake Harper that you so dislike?"

I fell silent. I thought back to the night in the pub and tried to picture his face. He was attractive, there was no doubt about that, and his charisma would seem to ensure that he was a hit with any woman who crossed his path. Was I afraid of falling for him and breaking up my marriage for good? Was that why he would suddenly invade my thoughts and linger there, my body responding to fantasies of his skin touching mine, his eyes on my face as he brought me to a shuddering climax?

"Come on, tell me...there must be a reason for your attitude."

I looked at him, not being to help comparing the two men. Richard was tall and good-looking but he lacked the strong masculine appeal of Jake. Jake was the type of man who was in control of any situation. Could the same be said for my husband?

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, he just seems dangerous to me. As if he's laughing at us somehow. Trying to lord it over us and show off his new house. And I can imagine what his wife is like...one of those impossibly thin blonde women who smile with their mouths but not with their eyes."

Richard laughed. "Can't help you there, I'm afraid. He didn't mention her much and I had the feeling they've got their own problems."

He put his hand out to cover mine and I didn't pull away. "Look, let's just stay for a couple of days and see how it is. It might work out fine. If by Saturday, you're still not happy, we'll make our excuses and leave, OK? Let's just compromise on this, Louise. Don't embarrass me by going home early and refusing to stay."

My inner anger dissipated a little at his words and I recognised the olive branch for what it was. I was tired of arguing and fighting and wanted this holiday to be a happy memory rather than a time of endless bickering.

"OK," I replied and smiled. The waiter brought us out two glasses of wine and I raised mine to Richard. "Can we start again? I want us to enjoy ourselves."

"Agreed," he said and took a sip. "But tonight over dinner, we need to talk. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this."

Wondering why he had changed his mind, I drank the wine and tried to relax, the cool liquid slipping down my throat, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

*

Dressing for dinner was uncomfortable, the heat of the day lingering on into early evening as we showered and dressed. Forsaking the town cafe tonight, which was surrounded by the local youths, we made our way to the cool hotel bar and ordered a bottle of white Burgundy while we studied the menu in the garden.

We were both subdued and quiet, the long day in the heat sapping our energy. Luckily we had found a couple of vineyards open to the public and had started to fill the boot of our car up with wine, but the purchases on Richard's credit card had made me nervous. Red Burgundy was expensive and with my father's order we spent a considerable amount of money.

"Stop worrying, Louise," Richard had said as he loaded the boxes into the car. "We'll find a cheaper hotel tomorrow night in the Loire and then we're at Jake's for a couple of days. We'll be fine."

I had listened to him and to avoid another argument, I had given in to his plans. Now, as we sat and chatted, I could almost feel the tension building as we skirted around the subject of the business.

Unable to bear it any longer, I replenished our glasses and sat back. "Can we get this over now? There's no-one about and it's the perfect chance to talk and get it into the open."

Richard took a gulp of wine and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ok, Louise." He paused and I waited for him to speak, sensing his anxiety.

"We may lose the house."

I stared at him in shock. I could feel my heartbeat race and a thousand thoughts crowded into my head at once. The children, schools, neighbours...why?

"It's my fault. Buying Metcalfe's like that was a bad decision. I can see it now."

I was lost for words, the shock of his sudden announcement making my insides churn with nerves and worry. I could only stare at him as he went on with the bad news.

"As you know, I borrowed a lot of money to buy the other company, Louise. Your father invested some of his pension money but the rest was a loan from the bank."

"How much?"

My husband rose from his seat and went to lean on the stone balustrade overlooking the garden. I felt a quiver of fear run through me as I stared at his back.

"About a half a million..."

I gasped. "But what happened?"

He took another sip of wine and turned to face me, the anxiety etched into his features making him suddenly appear much older. "I didn't look at the finances carefully enough. I needed to prove myself to your parents and saw it as an opportunity to give them something back for all the trust they'd placed in me."

He paused and I held my breath. "But Metcalfe's were doing well too. You told me they'd be an asset to the company."

"I thought they would be, but after the sale it was clear that their machinery is old and really should be replaced. Plus, so many new people have started in the printing business and the competition's tough. The orders just aren't coming in. There's too much to go into here, but I made a mistake and now I'm paying the price."

"What's going to happen?" I almost whispered, dreading his answer but knowing what it was going to be all the same.

"The loan is on the house, Louise. To pay the bank back, we may have to sell."

I felt a sudden burst of anger. Anger that he hadn't told me and hadn't consulted with me at all. "Those papers that you brought home last year? The papers from the bank? Was that about the mortgage?"

Richard had the grace to look embarrassed and he avoided my eyes. "I didn't want to worry you. You had so much on with the children and the house that I thought it was best if I dealt with it."

I got up then and walked away, almost running down to the end of the garden where a small bridge crossed over a stream. I felt a terrible sense of panic and the tightness in my chest made me wonder if I was about to have a heart attack. To lose our home would be catastrophic. Where would we live? I couldn't believe that Richard hadn't told me, that my parents had never told me. Why? Was I so inept that they didn't trust me?

My hands were shaking as I took out a tissue and blew my nose. My appetite had disappeared and I couldn't stop the thoughts running through my head. So many questions I needed to ask, but I'd been kept in the dark so long, I hardly knew where to begin.

I saw Richard make his way over to me, a terrible look on his face as he noticed my tears. "I wish I hadn't told you, but I don't think I can bear to keep it a secret any more. It's too much."

I heard the quiver in his voice and realised how difficult it must have been to tell me. "I want to go home, Richard. What's the point in staying here when our life is in ruins?"

"What difference is it going to make? Your parents thought it was a good idea for us to come away and have some time alone before I go back and see if I can save the business."

"How? How are you going to do that?"

"Look for an investor, perhaps. If that fails, try and sell it. Hell! I don't know, Louise! I just needed a break for a while, time to get my head cleared and come up with a solution."

"And has Jake anything to do with this?"

"We talked, I must admit. He's got a lot of contacts that might be useful. But the meeting was coincidental, Louise, you must believe me."

I didn't know what to believe any more. I was incredibly hurt that my husband hadn't told me about the problems and had almost lied when he'd re-mortgaged the house. How could I ever trust him again?

"How could you talk to Jake about this but not me? How could you do that? Do you know how it makes me feel?" I was shouting now and I realised that the British couple had come out onto the terrace of the hotel and were watching us with curiosity.

"Oh, for God's sake!" I yelled and pushed past him, wanting to be anywhere but near him. I walked quickly back to the hotel and up to the room where I grabbed Richard's phone. Dialling in the number, I felt a quiver of apprehension when I heard the deep measured tones of Jake Harper answer.

Chapter 4 will follow soon...