Stay At Home Dad

In college I lot my virginity at one of the parties. I wasn't a slut. I could count on one hand the number of men I had been with. When I started work at Book Bindings Inc., I was fairly popular. I was in marketing and got along with most everyone. It's where I met Ray. We were on an equal level but he had been working there about a year before I started. We started dating and he was similar to the guys I knew. Came from money and was arrogant. He only thought about himself.

I made the mistake after Christmas of having sex with him one time. It sucked. It was nothing; he was happy shooting his rocks off in a condom and thought he was Mr. Stud. The only reason I attended the New Year's party with him was because the party was planned long before we had the so -called sex and we did work together. I had no intention of sleeping with him again. It's funny calling it sleeping. It would have been more enjoyable if I would have been sleeping.

At the party, I met John. He was like the bad boy that I wasn't supposed to talk to. When we left the party and went dancing among his friends, it reminded me of the movie, ‘Titanic' where Rose went with Jack and had the time of her life. It felt that way with me and John. I didn't want it to end; I knew there was more to life and I felt it with John. When he took me home, I knew it was going to happen. I wanted to make love to this man, but I was afraid he wouldn't like me afterwards, or that he was like a dream and the sex with him would be the same as the ones before him.

He was fantastic. He was the lover of my dreams, the man I thought about all the years growing up. I don't want this to sound dirty but he did oral sex on me. It wasn't him just kissing my vagina, but he made love to it. He not only kissed it but licked and sucked it. He made me come with his tongue. I squirted my juices all over his face. It was ecstasy, him making love to me. He spent time licking and kissing my tummy, and it felt so good. He made love to each one of my breasts. Not grabbing them but holding them gently, caressing them sucking them, making love to them.

I don't know how people feel about anal sex. I personally don't like it. But when John took me from behind and had his manhood buried in me, when I was about to come, he stuck a finger in my butt hole and I came. God, the feeling was great. I knew I was going to marry him if he would have me.

My parents and brothers were against me marrying John. I told them I loved him and they could either be part of our life or not, the choice was theirs. They balked and hissed about it but eventually they agreed on the marriage. John and I, as you know, have two sons. They are the love of our lives. After each was born I took time off to be with them. I hated even working part time, being away from them. They were our little boys, and took so much after John.

John lost his job. We weren't sure what to do. I told John that I could go back to work full time and he could watch the boys. At first, he thought it was a dumb idea; after all he was supposed to be the breadwinner. Jobs of quality in our area were pretty scarce. I ended up going back to work and John stayed home with the boys. In a sense, I became jealous of John. I loved him with all my heart but he was home where I should have been with my boys.

I was also worried about John and the other mothers at the park. He doesn't know that I know that the women think he's a hunk. I worry everyday that he will leave me for one of those women. I would even kind of question the boys about what daddy did when he took them places. I was afraid of losing him. Then I started working longer hours and saw him less and less. I knew it was hurting our marriage but what could I do? We needed me to work to survive.

I know I'm not the great American woman. It's rough for a working woman to hold it all together, a job, family, proper loving to the husband, helping around the house, all the chores. I was throwing more and more on John and doing less and less for him. I was worried.

Then, Ray moved back here and was going to be my boss. I don't like the man and John didn't know that before I met him I had sex with Ray one time. We never discussed our sex life before marriage. We both decided it was off limits. Now work took me away from the man I love and put me more with the man I despised. I was torn on what to do. Ray constantly made passes at me and I was afraid to tell John. I knew what he would do. He ended up doing it anyway.

John has a bad temper and a jealous streak. He's very protective of what belongs to him. I love that about him and at the same time I hate it. I feel so safe when he's around. It bothered me to no end that people made fun of John. I didn't know whether to speak up or not. If I spoke up in front of John, I knew it would piss him off. He was very capable of fighting his own battles but at the same time, he was my man and I wanted to stick up for him. I told a lot of my girlfriends that if they had a problem with John that we didn't need to be friends.

I stuck up for him when he wasn't there to speak for himself. I told Mary and Robert to go to hell. John meant more to me than they did. Mary called to apologize and saw that she was wrong in her treatment of John. I think that the husbands of my friends were actually jealous of John. He got to live his life and be with his family. His manhood was secure while those husbands were always gone and worrying about money.

John got the call from Mary and knew they didn't go to the play with me. Now John suspected Ray again. He made me so doggone mad. Always accusing me of having affairs when I never did anything wrong. In the heat of arguments, we all say stupid things. I sure did when I told him maybe I would have an affair. I should have known he would go off the deep end. We are both so bull headed. We needed to communicate more and talk about our problems.

I was afraid to tell him that our meeting would be held at the Holiday Inn. I knew he would think of it wrong and he did. The first day we had twenty people at the meeting and it ran late. I called him and he left me. I didn't know what to do. I called his mother, who is a wonderful person, but she said she knew he wouldn't talk to me. I went to bed devastated. I cried the whole night.

The following day was our final meeting. I figured maybe after the meeting John and I could go somewhere together and be alone. I love him so much. At lunch time, Ray asked to see me outside. I told him off and went to slap him when he tried to touch my breast. The rest is history. John beat the living shit out of him. I was so afraid John would kill Ray and that I would lose my John forever. Now he's in a jail cell and I'm sitting here getting ready to tell my story to the board of directors. I'm scared and I don't have my John to protect me.

Chapter 4

Here I am sitting in a jail cell. I'm charged with assault with intent to maim or injure. Funny, that was what I intended to do. I guess I'm guilty. They didn't use the murder charge because I didn't have any weapons. Not even car keys - I left them it my van when I jumped out.

I soaked my hand in a bucket full of ice when I was in the holding cell. Damn, they hurt! They're still swollen and I do have a number of cuts and abrasions on them. According to Jim, they ought to be better in a couple of days.

My bail was set at a hundred thousand dollars. I could post bond and get out on ten thousand dollars. I tried to call Cara but I keep getting the answering machine. I guess I left her with enough problems.

The officer came to my cell. He said my bond was paid and I needed to sign some papers and could be released. I've only been in here overnight. Where did Cara get the money? I walked to the front desk and there stood my father-in-law. A man I probably didn't say fifty words to in five years. He loaned us the money to bail me out?

"John, we need to talk. Cara called me and told me your situation. I'm so sorry. You see, last Saturday Cara opened our eyes."

"Mr. Carson, what happened last Saturday? Cara went to the play last Saturday."

"Yes, she went with my wife and I. She said the two of you had a misunderstanding. We told her that we thought you were wrong for her and she put us in our place. She told us how you make her feel and how much she loves you. She told us how Jimmy and Jerry love you and that most husbands are jealous of you. She called you her knight in shining armor and yesterday you proved it. You protected my daughter, your wife. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you over the years and ask your forgiveness. I'm a pretty hard headed guy too and this is hard for me to do. I ask your forgiveness and hope that we can become better friends. I hope my two sons can live up to your standards."

"Thank you, Mr. Carson, for bailing me out. I would like to become closer friends with you and Mrs. Carson. Your daughter loves you very much and it's hard for her when she has to choose who to be with. Right now I have to find out how long I might be sent away for. I might need you to look after my family."

"John, we'll fight it. I know Cara and she doesn't lie. She may not tell the whole story every time, but she won't lie about it. Right now we need to get you home with your boys. Cara is at her office doing her best to explain what happened."

Mr. Carson dropped me off at my house. Cara left me a note in case I got released on bail. "Honey, I'm at the office trying to figure out if I have a job. Please don't leave if you get home before me. I miss you so much. I dropped the boys off at your mom's. John, you got to believe me. I love you with my whole being. Hope you're there when I get home. Love you, Cara"

I'm pretty sure that Cara didn't cheat on me with Ray, but now we had other problems. I went to the fridge to grab a beer when I heard Cara's car in the garage. I quickly grabbed another beer and opened them up. As soon as Cara walked in, I handed her one.

"A peace offering for all the shit I caused. I love you and know we can get by this if you'll stay with me. Cara, I'm a fool for not totally believing you. Please forgive me if you can."

I had tears in my eyes, because I really meant what I said. Cara started crying and reached out and hugged me. I was still holding the beer in both hands.

"Honey, would you take one of these before I spill it?"

She smiled at me through crying eyes. "John, I love you so much. I never cheated on you; I never even thought about it. Please believe me, I just didn't tell you everything because, well, now you know why. From now on I will tell you. Maybe we can nip it in the bud before it gets too far. I wanted to tell you about what was going on but then you started accusing me and we're both kind of hard-headed. We need to talk more often," she said.

"I agree, no more secrets or untold tales. When your dad bailed me out, I was surprised to see him. He apologized to me and told me that you told them off and stuck up for me. He said that you went to the play with him and your mom. All this time, you never told me."

"As I mentioned, you kept accusing me of wanting Ray and accusing me of going out with him. I got mad and just said, ‘Hell with it, you can believe what you want.' I never cheated on you and was always on your side. You just never saw it. You assumed the worst."

"What a fucking fool I've been. You're right! We do need to talk more. Are you going to tell me what happened at the business today? I haven't exactly been brought up to date on what's gong on."

"You're not going to believe this, but I was taken to the board of directors to tell our side of the events and what led up to them and Emma was on the board. I about shit myself when I saw her. No wonder Dan got a position so easy. If I was on the board, I'd hire you," she said.

"I talked to Dan the other day and he told me not to do anything foolish till he could get back to me. I should have listened, but when that freak went to put his hands on you, I freaked out. I'm so sorry, honey."

"John, you don't ever need to apologize to me for protecting me; that's one of the things I love about you. You're my hero," she smiled.

"Your hero is about to go to prison unless I find a way out of this mess," I replied. "So what happened in this meeting?"

"Emma started out by saying she was partial to you and she believes you would have to have been enraged to do what you did. I told her about Ray trying to come on to me and I kept rejecting his advances, but he wouldn't stop. She told me I should have come to the board and reported Ray. I told her I didn't have any proof, it was his word against mine. One of the other board members said that I should have reported the incident so it would have gone on file. After a number of complaints, they would have followed up on it with disciplinary action. I went ahead and told them everything that happened and when Ray grabbed my arm you jumped out of the van and protected me."

"Did they say anything else?"

"They had talked to Ray, at the hospital and his story was quite a bit different. They told me you did quite a number on Ray and he filed the assault charges against you. He would be in the hospital for another day or two. They did ask me if I wanted to file a report of sexual harassment against Ray now. I asked them what's the use now, since I still don't have the proof. Emma pulled me aside and said, ‘Cara, trust me, file the report.' So I did as Emma suggested and filed a sexual harassment report. The board told me to take the rest of the week off and come back on Monday after they had a chance to review all the evidence and come to some decisions. I asked them if I still had a position and one of the board members told me they would let me know Monday."

"God, Honey, I sure messed up big this time," I said.

We had a few days to be with the boys. There wasn't anything we could do for now, so we told the boys we would take them to the zoo as a family. After the zoo, we went to their eating hole, McDonald's, then they wanted to go watch the airplanes for a little bit.

Let me tell you, it was so much better doing it as a family. It even made the French fries taste better. We put the boys to bed and Cara asked me if I would make love to her. She didn't have to ask twice. We made love for the next two hours before we were literally too pooped to participate, so we cuddled and off to sleep we went.

The next morning we got a call from Cara's dad's lawyer. He told us not to worry and that Cara's dad was paying any legal fees. I didn't like the idea of accepting money from him, but Cara told me she knew he needed to do it as a way of apologizing to us. She was right and besides, we didn't have the finances for a good lawyer.

On Monday morning, Cara was getting dressed to go face the board. I got the boys dressed and then put on a pair of dress slacks and a sports jacket. Cara looked at me and said, "Where are you going?"

"We're dropping the boys off at mom's place and I'm going with you. I caused the mess and I will be with you till the end. You're not going to face this alone." She was tearing up and gave me a kiss.

After dropping the boys off, we went to the office and upstairs into the waiting room. The receptionist came out and asked Cara to please come in the room. Cara told me to wait for her. She walked into the board room and was asked to sit down. "How are you doing, Cara?" asked Emma.

"As well as could be expected, but I have John supporting me," replied Cara.

"How is John? How's he handling the pressure?"

"Well, he's waiting for me in the waiting room. He didn't want me to face this alone."

"John's in the waiting room? Ask him to come in," responded Emma.

The receptionist asked me to come in. I sat down next to Cara and held her hands. "How are you doing, John? How are your hands?" asked Emma.

"They're coming along. I'll be fine in a couple of days," I answered.

"John, Cara, we think we have good news for you. We had Ray in here a little while ago. For what it's worth, John, you did a number on him. Anyway we brought up the allegation of sexual harassment case you filed last week. Of course Ray said none of it was true. We asked him what provoked John to attack him then? Of course he didn't have a straight answer for us."

Another board member continued, "Ray said that even though the charges couldn't be proven, which we do agree, that he would be willing to drop the charges against John if you, Cara, would drop the harassment charges against him and no disciplinary action be taken against him either. So, Cara, it's in your ballpark. Are you willing to drop the harassment charges against Ray, for him dropping the assault charges against John?" Cara was crying as she squeezed my hands. I could see Emma's eyes starting to tear up as well.

"God, yes, thank you so much. I don't know what to say," cried Cara.

I had something to say, "Emma, and the rest of you, I'd like to thank you also for your actions here, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but does my wife still have to work under Ray? I'm afraid I would have a hard time with that."

Another board member said, "We had to consider that also. We might have come up with a suggestion but it's up to Cara to make another decision. Cara, would you be willing to take over as department head?"

"I don't understand. You said there wouldn't be any disciplinary action. Where is Ray going if I get the promotion?" asked Cara.

"He will be going back to West Virginia. He complained after signing off on the law suit but we told him that it wasn't a disciplinary action. It was just a good business move. He'll be on sick leave for about a month and then reassigned. We aren't sending him back in the shape he's in. So Cara, should we take that as a yes to the promotion?"

Cara looked at me, "Well, Honey, should I take the position?" she smiled at me.

"By all means, just don't work so late. Me and the boys will be holding dinner for you," I smiled back.

Emma spoke, "Okay, I think we did some good work here. Oh, Cara, I hope you will be discreet about my position."

"Very, Emma, very, and thank you so much for everything," Cara replied.

When we walked out of the board room, Dan was standing there smiling. I didn't shake his hand, I hugged him; he was a true friend.

When we got in the car, I told Cara to call her mom and dad and ask them out to dinner, we were paying. We had some great news to share with them. I figured that would be a good start in the acceptance of each other.

It's been two years since all that took place. Our life has really been good. Whenever one of us goes a little too far off the deep end we use the word hard-headed. It's to let the other know we need to talk it over.

I still check out the women but I let Cara know what I've seen. I always answer with, "but I have better at home." Cara told me she could live with that - look but never touch.

The kids are in school now so the days are a lot quieter. I told Cara, I was going job hunting. That, same day I got a call from my father-in-law.

"John, Cara called and said you were looking for a job. Is that true?"

"Yes, Dad, it is." He told me when we went out to dinner to start calling him Dad, so I do. "The boys are in school and I would like to find some work."

"I have a job opening in the warehouse. It only pays thirty grand a year but it's honest work and you can have off when my grandsons are home. We might even find a way to give you a summer leave. My grandsons come first."

He's learning that family comes first. I took the job offer and called Cara at work. We met for lunch and invited Dan and Emma along. We asked them to be Jimmy and Jerry's Godparents.

The most important thing Cara and I found out is that we need to communicate more with each other. Don't assume anything, ask each other. Our love making is still great. We have friends that were Cara's and friends that were mine. All our friends understand that they have to accept both of us or neither of us.