by AlexanderT
Your matter-of-fact style of dialogue made the sex appear non-erotic. Try adding some descriptions of emotions and expressions to paint the whole picture.
all i had to see was that sick fuck endorse it and i knew it was a piece of crap.
Although not agreeing with the extent, Anon 'non-erotic' has a valid point. It is wonderful there is so little inhibition among them, but more expressed emotion would have made this tale better!
I found it hit the spot perfectly. I can't wait for more, for the circle of activities to expand, for all HIS spots to be explored also.....
The ending doesn't really make sense. Is there going to be a part 2?