by Sexy Lil Deviliss
It's nicely written for a short story. It would be nice to see where this goes.
Good description of the action. Maybe the build up could have been a little longer. Very good for a first attempt. Please, keep writing!
it was amazing. you should continue with this and go into the next night. just a suggestion but you should name the other girl Kate or Katlyn to make it seem like the girls are a lot alike. wonderful story :)
Hi, I enjoyed your story it was well thought out. You could contnue from here for the rest of their stay at the cottage it would be interesting to see what else they got up to. I do have one comment to make about your writing and this is an area all first time writers fail. Print you work off and read it out loud this way you will find the areas that need a bit of touching up. Allow me to give you an example you wrote... 'She lied there between my legs...'If you read this out loud you will see that it sounds funny how about changing 'lied' to 'lay' you will see that it is much better. I never did this until a person read to me what I had written and the mistakes came rushing at me. I have only submitted one story as birdinhand and as it was rushed it was full of mistakes mostly I will go to as many as 20 drafts before arriving at the finished article. Most of my writing is in another genre and not for here. Good luck for the future.
Liked both your stories so am writing this to encourage you to write more if possible. Looking at the submission dates, its been 7 years since then and I know how our daily lives can steal all the time away from writing these stories. But wanted to write this anyway.
I loved this story. Well written, another one of your stories. That I wish I could play out. One of my other many fantasies. Again I felt like I was right there. Watching what was happening. What a great read. Great Job.
I would love for you to finish the story. It really has a good plot to it. It is very visual in the aspect of picture what is happening in your head.
I really liked your story, i read your other vampire one too..both were very enjoyable to read and i hope you write some more =)..very hot too..;)