All Comments on 'Suprised by Sister'

The writing is terrible. Are you a high school graduate?

keep writing your stories,it gets better.

I'm a fan of the brother-sister relations in the Incest/Taboo catagory so I have to ask: Are you writing to create a god story or just ad some reality to your fantasies? Because the writing alone is terrible.

",I said to myself afraid to see who noticed it. I turned my head slowly, noticing she was no longer in her seat."

In this sentence for example you leave no reference to who 'she' is, and you only can assume that it is the sister you are writing about. This kind of passages can be found in alomst all of the text, which makes it very difficult for a smoth reading.

Please also try to improve the plot. What family in this world goes to a hotel and rents a room for EACH of their children, instead of one big one for the hole family? This, assuming of course, that their family only was composed of mom, dad, brother and sister, which you don't explain further in the text.

Oh, and before you go on the defensive and starts telling me to write a better story myself, please remember that english is my SECOND language and I can still see the flaws in your story.

Sincerly /Kristoffer

You need a good proofreader. You have a major problem with pronouns and their proper use. You used "she" for her several times and it distracts one from your otherwise good story. Get your next story proofread!

Fear not: the writing wasn't nearly as bad as the exaggerated comments might suggest. A couple of pronoun mistakes was all there were: lapsus linguae. But you distinguished between lie/lay/lain and lay/laid/laid, which is more than most Literotica writers can manage. Don't quit merely because of those comments. And keep your eye on Strunk and White.

I had a hard time following the story near the beginning. Near the end, the scenes you were attempting to describe were extremely choppy and butchered. The use of pronouns was quite shameful to say the least. It could have been a great story with a great plot, but I recommend that you get a proof reader the next time you submit a story.

Rule 1. Decide what tense you are writing in and stick with it throughout.

Rule 2. See rule 1. It is really important for a story to read fluently.

AGREE WITH PREVIOUS COMMENT

JLC

as with other comments I lost track

The gifted author gives his age as 18 to 22, so maybe he's even still a late teenager. Nearly all of his stories are about a brother and his sister getting real, real close. That interests me a lot. Some time ago I was with my kid sister, Connie, who I like very much (she likes her big brother too). Connie is so sweet and cute, but most of all she's my own baby sister, so I decided to do something about it. We were alone in the house, and I said to her, "Con, you ever seen a boy?" She replied, "Of course I've seen boys, silly." I said, "No, I mean really seen a boy, you know, what makes a boy a boy." She was beginning to get my drift and looked at me seriously. Softly, she said, "No, I haven't." Quickly I dropped my pants and tossed them aside. I wasn't wearing any boxers, so I was naked from my waist down. My sister's eyes quickly dropped to what I had out in the open between my legs. My fat dick was half-hard and my balls were on full display. I knew she had an idea what a dick was, so I drew my kid sister's attention down below. "Those are my balls, Con." A light went on in her eyes, I could practically hear her thinking, "So that's why they're called that." I knew that from now on whenever she thought of boys and their balls, the picture in her mind would be of her big brother's balls, and I loved knowing that. "You can feel them if you like." Hesitating a couple of seconds, my little sis cupped her small hand and felt my balls. "They're heavy," she said softly. "Sure, they are, Connie, they have all my sperm, you know, the stuff that makes babies." By now my dick was rock-hard, harder than ever before, and sticking up in the air. I felt great talking with my little sister like this and I was so proud that she was looking at my prick in real surprise, almost in awe, her lips making a little O. She'd heard that boys get hard but didn't know exactly what that meant. "It's so big," she practically gasped. "That's because my baby sister's looking at it--that makes me really hard, Connie. Here, feel it." She grasped my prick with three of her small fingers, and smiled. "That really is hard." I smiled back. Then I told her turnabout is fair play, so I was soon looking at my little sis's sweet little coochie. Believe me, you've never seen anything cuter in your life. Or felt anything softer and smoother. I could take just so much, my balls let loose and I shot a huge geyser to sperm in the air. That actually shocked my sister, and I knew that from then on whenever she thought of boys blowing their load, the picture in her mind would be of her big brother unloading his balls and shooting his creamy sperm all over the place. I won't say what else we did then and in the days that followed, just that me and my baby sister got closer than ever. I'd shown her in a way she'll never forget what makes a boy a boy.

'Are you sure we should be doing this'. ...fucking really?! Rolled my ryes. ...and then the first time he fucks her he's spanking her telling her shes been a bad girl?! Not. I couldnt read any more, ugh.

Poorly worded but a good story

story blows goats